Running Away From Relationships: What Happened Next.

Relationships are never easy. After the 'honeymoon' period, everything seems to go down the hill; nothing seems to be the same as it was before and at some point the relationship might end. The type of break-up I want to discuss today does not apply to everyone, even though there are parts in this article that will resonate with almost everyone who has had gone through the experience of a break up. This is the relationship that ends when two people are still in love. Sometimes being in love is not enough to keep a relationship going.

Recently I have been writing about twin flames. If you were interested in the subject you can find the links to each blog post at the end of this one. Even though what I have to say would be very appropriate to explain what happens when twin flames separate, I believe it is important to separate from ready made terms and treat relationships in a more organic way without the tags of cultural identity. 

The case I am to discuss today is that of the runner, the person who even when they are in love, they feel the urge to end the relationship without a reasonable explanation. They will make you believe that everything that is wrong in the relationship is you, and its termination will most likely be very abrupt. From one day to the other you will find yourself from being with the love of your life, to be completely alone, a sense of being completely worthless and the feeling that you will never see that person again. Yet, you know that they love you.

The runner is afraid of commitment, as for them, this is a form of control and loss of who they are at the moment. They have an unwritten book filled with tricks and traps that work as a defense mechanism. It is impossible not to fall into some of this traps. The more calm and accepting you are of their behaviour, they more aggressive the traps will be. One of these traps will push one of your buttons and that is the only excuse that is needed. 

The runner is a person who has experienced either abuse, lack of love or an incredible amount of suffering during childhood. It could be anyone. Even those who seem to have had the most comfortable upbringing may be a runner. They enter the relationship with the same passion that they leave it. It is important to understand that for them, leaving is a necessity, not something they really want to do. Survival instinct prevails over their love for the other person. They don't know better and for as long as they refuse to face their demons, they never will.

Being a runner does not make anyone a bad person. Often they tend to be beautiful souls with the kindest hearts, but the internal conflicts created by the emotional attachment to someone else in a romantic relationship makes them wonder about their new status and wander off sooner of later. It is important to understand that a relationship is a mirror reflecting everything we need to know about ourselves at the time. In these reflections we see what we want to improve, what we don't like about ourselves and what we want to get rid of, but we also see what we love most and it is best about ourselves.

The runner is fast to act and they will take the first opportunity that is presented to run away, so as to never come back. They move from relationship to relationship with the same insulting ease and passion. No relationship can end their internal struggles unless they decide to stay and work on it. In a relationship they feel trapped. A mixture of loss of identity, fear of losing independence and entrapment falls hard on their hearts. There is almost an immediate need for air and freedom that seems to escape from them with the first sign of affection. It is a contradiction to which they have voluntarily adhered their feelings and their hearts.

A relationship triggers feelings and emotions that act on the subconscious, bringing out all their demons to dance wild all at once. However much they love you, the feeling of self-preservation is even stronger. Escaping from a relationship has to be understood from the perspective that this is their way to find love. Most of us still don't know what the true feeling of love is even when we believe we do; hence the runner should also remain blameless.

At this point, leaving is the only option they can see. They leave even if it breaks their hearts; and they do break their hearts along with yours. With every heart they break, their heart breaks again and again, but it is easier to love someone from the distance than to face their demons and fears so as to heal from their traumas. They don't leave you because they don't love you. They do love you, but they also live in fear of love behind a sheltered heart. Perhaps the most damaging knowledge we can have when they separate is to know that they are still in love when they do so. The urge to run induced by a mechanism of self-preservation is too strong a feeling and they must follow. 

If you have been in this situation and have been abandoned without a reasonable explanation, know that however much you suffer, they suffer as much as you do and even more. Running away from a relationship is not running away from another person, but from themselves. The more they do it, the more they are going to suffer until there is no place to hide. Eventually they probably settle for someone who is safe, someone who does not bring the emotions that someone else to whom they truly love might bring up in a relationship.

They will never love this person as much as they loved others, but as fear of love is what rules their lives, not loving someone completely makes them feel safe, as emotions don't run high. For a while loneliness seems less overwhelming in the company of another, and as a half-felt relationship does not present strong emotions, they choose to remain. Deep inside, they still struggle with the idea of love and remain looking for it. No one is safe in a relationship with the runner.

The problem with running away from a relationship is that as we do, we are separating ourselves from who we are even further. We are here to love and be loved. Life is a journey in which we must learn love. Running away from love is the opposite to what we must do, however difficult it might be to accept at the time.

When the relationship is over, the shock is equally powerful to the runner, as it is to the one who has been left behind. It will send them to their darkest hours, an earthly limbo in which love does not exist and where they will find reasons to keep blaming you for everything that went wrong. Although they will never blame you directly, this is the feeling you will be left with. If you are not strong enough, you might spend the  rest of your life trying to figure out what happened. Don't! Stop asking questions that do not have answers. It will make your life easier. No matter how hard you try to find logic, there is neither logic, nor an explanation to it.

We don't have to understand everything, and the behaviour of others is certainly something we have no control over. We might be able to understand the process and a behaviour which is common to many, reason for which I am writing this blog, but to understand the inextricable thought and feeling processes of another will only lead to disappointment and to perpetuate the period of heartbreak.

There is one person in the life of the runner to whom they left behind and to whom they know they must return in order to heal, but they will find many excuses not to. This person might be you. If it doesn't happen in this lifetime, they will have to come back in the next. Infinity does not allow anyone to get away with separation from love. The situation will recreate again and again until both parts learn the true meaning and feeling of love during their human existence.

What the runner does not understand is that being with this person is essential in order to heal. If you are the runner, know that there is no place to go and that sooner or later you must return to that person who made you feel at home. And you know that this is only one person. In order to heal we must all go through the experience of pain, but suffering is optional. For as long as all we see and feel is pain, we miss a wonderful world of love and magic. Love is behind this pain, behind fear.

Energetically, the runner remains attached to a person. When this happens, regardless of how much they want to hide, there will always be something that will evoke thoughts, feelings and dreams of that one person they left behind. The energetic connection is very real, too powerful and one from which no one can escape. Thus, running away is only an illusion. Being in love is the only place where we belong. Running away from it, might seem sensible at the time, but it only leads to an even more entangled spiral of self-destruction.

At the same time, if the runner settles in a 'safe' relationship, the person they are with will feel that their longing for love is elsewhere. This new person is moved by the intention to save the the runner, which it itself speaks of their own lack of self-love, but will find multiple ways to rationalise it in order to maintain the relationship.

If you feel that you have been abandoned by the runner, know that they also have abandoned themselves. In order to heal their wound, you must keep loving them or at least that part of them that once touched your heart. To despise them will have the opposite effect than to what is intended. We don't keep loving the runner with the romantic obsession depicted in films. We love them because we deserve peace and freedom. If there was love once, love must remain. Only unconditional love can heal a broken heart. Be happy that their soul once danced with your soul. To them it means much more than what you may imagine, even if abandonment has given you the impression that their ephemeral love means nothing. The runner loves intensely, and it is this intensity that makes them leave.

If it very possible that if you have been suddenly abandoned by someone, you feel devastated and broken. Overcoming these feelings are crucial for your healing. Perhaps the person who left you is the that one person to for you would have done anything. When we say to someone, I love you and I'd do anything for you, sometimes that 'anything' means to let go. And that is unconditional love. In order to understand unconditional love, we must experience it, thus, the importance of letting go.

If you are the runner; perhaps it is time that you stop running away. However difficult it might seem to deal with your demons, it is always easier with that person who once touched you, as no one else did before. You know who they are, you know where they are. And it is safe, for this is love and this is home, where you belong. Home is the only place where you will find the door to love.

The book 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon. Dealing with dynamics and a detailed exploration of the twin flame relationship, the content is exclusive to the book and cannot be found on this blog. 

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