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Wings Of Desire.



'When the fall comes again'

I am mending the house
Where your absence hurts.
Removing from the windows
Stained memories that blind.
I opened the front door
In case you remember
And decide to come by.
But it is the burglar instead
The one lurking a heart.

I remember the swallows
The river, the bike rides.
I remember the walks,
The rain of the fall
The sound of your name.
I forgot I didn’t know you.
I forgot to forget.

I will follow the swallows
When the fall comes again.
In their wings the desire
and the rhythms of freedom.


Men And Common Decency Towards Women.



I believe that common decency towards women in men should be standard. It's not. From a woman's perspective, it's not a behaviour that has to be rewarded or praised. Common decency goes both ways. No man embracing this way of living expects anything than the same treatment from women. In fact, it is a practice to apply to anyone, both men, women and children. Sadly, it's not the case. 

The world in desperate need of a reform in education that teaches people how to grow being a person, to understand that being either a woman or a man is merely a biological factor. An education that eradicates all clich├ęs on gender, so widespread and so damaging to all. 

There is, however, a wave of blame and condemnation towards disrespectful men. It is an immediate reaction to intentional and mindless mistreatment, which is somehow excused according to a group of men's misogynistic Bible, then, often reported by women to the world on social media. It is understandable, and perhaps necessary, so as to spread awareness and critique on one of the current issues that is halting the development of humanity, as well as causing at times an irreparable damage in the relationships between men and women. 

Every action causes a reaction.

What many men do not seem to understand is that the actions of one reflects on every other man, or that the woman who has been gone through a negative experience will be conditioned to expect the same behaviour from other men, thus affecting their personal relationships perhaps for as long as a lifetime. The actions of one man can either create a positive or negative energy. The world we live in can only be transformed by the energy we create. This applies to women too. It's not only the responsibility of men to create a better world. 

Somehow we are expecting others to come and safe the day, change the world. Apathy won't give us the world we need, but the world we accept.

The response to common decency.

No one should be expected to be praised for their common decency. Reciprocal behaviour should be enough, and this is also widely understood. However, seeing the state of the world, it wouldn't go amiss to let the world know that there are wonderful men out there doing their best with their actions and behaviour to create a different reality that suits the needs of everyone regardless of gender. Most days, and in most cases, these men remain invisible. The one to get the attention is the bad boy. Let's look at this example. A woman works in a coffee shop. Throughout the day she might serve two hundred men. All except for one would treat them politely and with respect. In this case, it is the man misbehaving the one to get the attention and whose actions would reach all corners of the world in the form of a complaint. Following an emotional reaction renders all the other men invisible, misrepresenting the rest of the whole gender. 

Social media.

Social media is an incredible platform to contribute to create a better world through awareness, sharing emotive and positive stories, different practices that might help others to improve their well-being and as result an immediate present. No matter how often this fact is repeated, the Internet is full of images of cats, meals, complaints, threats or acts of defiance, as in, if you do this, beware of my reaction. Social media could contribute to raise consciousness, as well as to improve the levels of conscience so needed in the world. There are wonderful messages to project into the world, articles, blog posts, videos or personal views and messages. 

Social media as a platform to raise consciousness.

The energy we create. 

While it can't be argued that bad behaviour should not be denounced, the common trend to report every single negative interaction between men and women is only contributing to create further neurosis in a world already neurotic enough. At the same time no one can ask that every sign of kindness, love or respect to be shared on social media. But there is no balance. Giving too much attention to the negative continues creating the image that every man on earth follows the same book. Misrepresenting a whole gender is not the answer either. Women distrust men even before they've been faced with a negative experience. At the same time, men respond to this energy in negative ways, from the belief that he's already guilty until proven innocent. There will never be a positive outcome if the energy that the world continues producing is permanently focused on the negative. 

What women want.

The same energy that is used to report bad behaviour could be used to express a woman's desires and wants. Not all men have the same perception, education or level of consciousness. Many people, both, men and women do not know of, or believe that there might be a better reality out there, that different actions and types of behaviour would bring them what they want. It is as simple as letting men know what women want and why. However, the current reality might be loaded with a misrepresentation of what a woman wants in the eyes of men, with a heavy dose of irony, as there is still a large number of women who still choose to fall in the arms of the bad boy. Yes, the irony, that leads to negative experiences and further complaints. A large number of men change their ways, from behaving respectfully to behaving badly because they see that common decency and good ways are not truly appreciated, as well as seeing women they like constantly falling for the man so heavily criticised. While it is clear that the human being is the most irrational of all, it might be time to speak of a criteria that one can also follow. 

Looking down on common decency.

Having clarified that praise should not be the standard answer, one should not be looking down on it either, or not to show appreciation. This is also common decency. Until humanity reaches the point that this type of behaviour is golden, as well as silent, and so it should be understood. Many men following this path feel invisible and unappreciated, not because they are not rewarded for their behaviour, but due to the fact that the image that is created of all men is negative, as well as misrepresented. Invisibility is an energy like everything else. He who feels invisible will be invisible to the world. The consequences of this, reach far deeper than what one may think. It leads to frustrating experiences and emotions that might be repressed for a while, even for long periods, but which eventually can only explode. Invisible is also a time bomb. 

Moreover, if what one wants is not appreciated, they might never find it or even lose it. One cannot expect to find it again what they let it go assuming that this should be the standard. It is not. Gratitude is a wonderful energy filled with amazing rewards. A plant that is not watered would eventually die. In this case, common decency is a plant bound to die. We can't have what we don't appreciate. 

Men and behaviour. 

There is a need to establish a new dialogue that creates safe spaces to create and consolidate relationships between and women. Everyone already knows what men are capable of, however, not every man represents a threat to women, nor every man is a rapist. Men have been pushed into a corner where we have to defend ourselves for the fact of having been born male. 

Education, awareness and collective consciousness.

A better reality is possible through education and awareness. Those in charge of education won't move a finger to change the educational system because it's not convenient to them. There is a large number of memes, blog posts and articles on the spiritual warrior, which is turning into an online projection of personal image with an air of the mysticism, but which lacks commitment with more serious issues such as education, politics or simply creating awareness that leads to a more widespread idea of consciences, and which, in turn contributes to raise consciousness. Consciousness cannot be raised if before there's not a change in conscience. It is everyone's responsibility to contribute to a new education in whichever way possible. If social media is all we have, let's find educational ways to use it. 

The world could change in a day if most of the population had the courage to put their foot down and say enough is enough. 

Personal vision and experience.

Personally I put my foot down as soon as I learned of the idiotic ways of patriarchy, which can be traced to my early years. I paid a heavy price then but it also came with amazing rewards which are now paying off. Regardless of all negative behaviour and the atrocities that one human being can commit against another, I still believe there's much hope for humanity, as I see goodness in all, or at least in the majority of people. Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this. Even those who lost their way can be brought back to a kinder and more loving reality.

In regards to relationships with women I've been given enough reasons to hate them all, but I neither hold this feeling for the whole, nor for one in particular. Do I need to report and denounce every mistreatment I've received from the 'opposite' gender? Clearly not. It is my choice to remain loyal to who I am and live with my heart, as well as to choose the energy I project to the world. Instead I'm striving and thriving doing what I can within my possibilities to create a better world. What others did to me, they also did to themselves. However negative or damaging some experiences were, I've also experienced much goodness and love; an incredible abundance of love. How to lead my life it's up to me. We can only lead by example, so as to see others becoming the wonderful representation of the human being they really are, and the true leader that everyone holds within. The only way we can improve the world, as well as the relationships with others is by improving ourselves, and creating that change within. Once this is a reality, the world also changes. There is always that thing called love if one has the courage.


Related articles:

All men are the same

Blame culture: why men are not fully growing


Blame Culture: Reasons Why Men Are Not Fully Growing.



Recently I published an article entitled 'All men are the same' in which I invited men to keep a respectful silence, while listening to this pledge made by most women, if not all, and for a good reason, in order to understand the eternal outcry, but also to explore and find different approaches and communication channels in relationships between genders. What needed to be said in this regard is written on that blog post. It's not today's subject. There's much to be said on this matter, but also a knowing that silence could do more good than harm, accept whatever responsibility each man has and begin to propose collective solutions from the standpoint of education in which every man is active participant, both as a student, and as a teacher. There's infinite wisdom in silence, which in this case is not to be understood as an admission of guilt by association, nor gender belonging. Silence is full of answers.

The world can only be changed with a new education system. 

However threatening may be the current view that women have of men, there's a large number of us striving to bring changes, so as to contribute to the healthy transformation of the behaviour, beliefs and actions in men as a collective. Not all men represent, nor are a threat. The seeds are already planted and it is a matter of time until these changes are externalised, thus becoming the norm. It's true that one of the purposes of men is to create supportive spaces that favour both men and women, as well as the environment and all living creatures. Eventually we all will get there, although this alternative is one that is not currently explored by the majority.

There are positives in this equation. Men that are standing as leaders, promoting change by example, but also making conscious efforts to transmit a new message for all men, as well as for generations to come. When the coming generations look back in time not too far from now, they will see us as barbarians, while we continue living under the illusion of being a civilised society. It's not an easy task to transform a collective that for centuries has been subjected to the damaging energy of patriarchal society. While the patriarch is dying, there are still high numbers resisting change, holding on to a system which is decaying and obsolete. 

There's also an irrefutable truth, most men do not want to embody the current standard male figure proposed by the patriarch. Knowing how or what to change is part of the problem. Change, whether it's personal or collective is not easy to implement, especially when there's no guidance, nor enough leaders that stand out to promote such change. The vast majority, both men and women, still continues listening to the psycho-babble of the standard world leaders, believing and buying lie after lie.

Social media.

Social media is an incredible vehicle to bring new ideas, new social and behavioural models that contribute to create healthy changes to society. If used wisely, -which clearly is not-, the time period for such changes would be substantially reduced, and the world would dawn to a new, healthier reality that provides for the needs of everyone sooner. Unfortunately, the internet has become 'Vanity Fair' without the irony, depth, nor subtlety of the social critique that penetrate the human psyche so as to promote and implement any changes. 

The internet has become the angry voice of a collective inner child that cannot get what they want functioning on a constant tantrum, beheading anything or anyone that makes them feel uncomfortable. 

It is the Era of Being Offended. Anytime is a good time to insult and abuse others. So feeble has the human spirit become in the age of contentment. 

Criticism by default.

It is unfair on many men to be heavily criticised for the mere fact of being male. It's conscious men who are keeping the silence, while working on the educational and social changes that must be implemented in order to bring down the tyranny of patriarchal society and raise a new type of man. These are not the men who need praise, although some kind of support wouldn't go unnoticed, nor unappreciated. 

How can one help to bring a new reality to this world is a question any conscious person should be asking themselves every day. The answer is to bring the best of ourselves out; the inner revolution. No epic gestures required. This is all one can do, to become the best version of ourselves, and as we thrive in life others would follow. At our best, anyone can become a mentor to others.

The projection of fear doesn't promote healthy changes.

What the world needs is love; as love is what everyone wants. Abuse of any kind or negative criticism are sub-products of fear from whichever angle anyone wants to look at it. Fear has never brought anyone to a healthy change, quite the contrary; it can only cause more damage. Instead of causing a positive change, it helps people to deepen further in their beliefs having the opposite effect. It serves to strengthen and solidify people's ego, creating more resistance to change by perpetuating, and even worsening their behaviour. It's counter productive. 

There's no constructive criticism.

A conscious man would be able to debate these subjects without the need to defend himself from standard accusations directed at the collective. It's also the conscious man who works obliged by a vow of sacred silence, but speaking volumes in different ways. However, there are men who having not reached certain levels of understanding on these matters due to lack of exposure, experience or education on healthy choices whose reactions might be violent -not necessarily physically- feeling persecuted for something they never did, crimes they never committed. Many of us do not feel alluded by this blame culture. We know who we are, what to do and where we're going. 

The collective accusation towards men, when received personally causes more harm than good. It's no different from the heavy criticism that boys received as children, which in turn leads most people to believe that they're not good enough. The belief that one is bad for the simple fact of having been born a man equals the Christian dogma that claims that everyone has committed the original sin due to another simple fact: having being born. 

Shame and guilt.

Shame and guilt play an important part in generating this energy that we keep feeding and throwing against each other, whilst too many believe they're we're morally superior to everyone else. The first reaction is to close down, build a shield, and in the case of men create more violent reactions. Any type of abuse causes a person to retrieve and adopt a defensive position. All persecution leads to resistance.

Living in fear one acts in fear.

While it cannot be asked that certain male actions or behaviour be forgiven, nor condoned, due to their inexcusable nature, it is possible to find healthier channels of communication which praise the good deeds of men too. Not all things male are negative or obscure. 

This constant run-run of negativity has a damaging effect on the collective and personal male psyche. It's not the best platform from which one can bring any changes. It gets even worse when this wave of criticism is often due to a simple break up, a date gone wrong or simply meeting a man driven by selfish intentions. While this is certainly subject for a different article, it is necessary to mention that relationships end, and that one has to get used to the end. Everything in life is temporary however painful the experience may be.

It is important to understand that such fierce criticism is also reaching male children and young adults that are not yet fully developed, nor have the understanding or support to comprehend the reach and damage of the legacy of patriarchy. Education needs and has to be changed. There are already educational models which if implemented would bring an amazing, swift social change, which are not being seriously considered. There's a lot to say about apathy and the social involvement of the masses to promote and implement changes.

Patriarchy.

It's also important to denounce the impact that patriarchal society had on both men and women, but this might be a job for men to take on and re-educate the masses. Perhaps it would be best to leave to men the responsibility to deal with other men in order to bring these changes. Men distrust women's intentions, as women distrust men. The image of an angry woman proceeding to the character assassination of the whole male gender is no different from that of a frustrated, angry mother, to whom boys never listened. No one has an attitude of acceptance to fear, nor anything positive or creative has ever come out of it. 

Planting seeds.

To praise good and conscious actions even in the most unconscious of men plants a seed of love, a sense of personal achievement encouraging the individual to seek more and new positive deeds and ideas. It's a positive and reaffirming validation of the individual, which in love develops and may blossom into a conscious man sooner than later. Constant punishment can only make a man angrier, more frustrated. There are enough angry men already. Let's not contribute to create more. 

It's a long road we have ahead, but it's also a feasible one. Another factor that one has to understand is that the efforts made by so many good and conscious men in order to change the current climate suffer when there's criticism coming from all angles. 

Building bridges.

While men are responsible for giving a step forward, so as to put these changes into effect and create a safe space in which, both women and men can bring in their creativity to make a better world a reality, it is also true that more conscious efforts could be made by women in order to provide support for such movements. We do this together or not at all. Men need women, as much as women need men. 

It's essential to build new channels of communication between men and women. Men are listening, willing to find a common ground, different platforms in which both genders may create a dialogue leading to healthier possibilities. This is a rare occurrence. 

There's a shamelessly self-declared misogynist recently elected world leader with the support, admiration and vote of women. This fact in itself speaks volumes of the level of collective consciousness. It is necessary to point out that one of the reasons why relationships' dynamics are not changing is due to the fact that we keep choosing as partners, lovers and other forms and shapes of intimate relationships within the same basket. There's a tacit acceptance of what there is, as if the majority had given up on the idea of a better world. Better is possible. Everyone has an incredible potential to create the best version of themselves.

The loneliness of the conscious man.

There are wonderful men out there doing great work on themselves, promoting change, helping other men to create fluid communication with others in order to bring a new light to society, and who are taking on most, if not all the pressure that blame culture is throwing at the male collective. The efforts made are not always recognised. Day after day, these men see how women continue choosing identical partners and the same type of relationships that drives women to complain about the whole. It's not an attractive trait, and one easy to recognise.

The conscious man is patient. They'd rather be alone that engage in partnership with a woman who's still attracted by the same energy they so strongly criticise. It's a lost battle when a woman continues to choose more of the same because there's nothing and no one else around. To the conscious man, love is a plan A. He will only engage with a woman willing to work together on how to build a strong relationship. He might be available, but only to some. 

Encouraging growth in men. 

There are multiple avenues for a man to grow solidly that are yet to be explored. Men want love as women, regardless of what they may say, or even if they give a different impression. Alternatives are as much as collective as individual. Every man is a different universe. The problem is that men are encouraged to grow following a standard which might not meet particular needs. Finding support and encouragement to do this kind of work is often difficult. 

I'm preparing a series of seminars, workshops and webinars which will be ready within weeks in order to build bridges between men and women, as well as giving insights and information on how it is possible to create loving and sacred spaces within a relationship where love, mutual respect and growth, both individually, as well as a couple is possible.

However hard the experience has been so far in life, every day is a new dawn in which to face a new reality. Men need as much appreciation and validation as women do. A new life, a new relationship or how to focus on it requires a new perspective and a new you. In order to find what we want, there are two important elements to consider. First, we have to say no to what we don't want. Two; we have to look until we see what we don't want. The fact that life and the current reality doesn't bring what we want, it doesn't mean that it's not there. We just have to look deeper. 

Blaming per se all is one sure way to cut all possible, healthy communication.

Love Is Not a Plan B.


People begin romantic relationships for numerous reasons. Often, such reasons have nothing to do with love or with falling in love. There's no spark, no substance to it. Sometimes the emotion that urges someone to commit is loneliness. Some others are attracted by safety, while there are those that having lost belief in meeting the right person, they choose to settle for someone else that they would have never chosen in the first place. Despair, sadness or having experienced rejection from someone they truly love take people to relationships that could be considered of convenience. It's convenient to be with someone, rather than being alone. At the beginning, even lust may be considered a good reason, even though it has nothing to do with love. There are more reasons than the ones already mentioned, such as low self-esteem or physical appearance.

Everyone is deserving of love. There are of course people that with their actions and choice of life style make love or relationships an impossibility. This article is not about them. Too often the actions of people are affected by negative experiences of the past, leading them through loveless behaviour to a loveless life, making it almost impossible to either love or be loved. Fear of love is expressed in many ways. It's easier to be feared, than to allow ourselves to love. It's also a defense mechanism so as not to be hurt. Everyone wants to be loved. Whether we know how to ask for love, or we're ready to receive it, it's a different matter. 

Unrequited love can be one of the greatest disappointments in someone's life. There might have been a relationship or not. It is human condition to cry more for our defeats than to celebrate our victories. Somehow, when love is not mutual the imprint that the experience leaves in someone's being is enough to set a new belief: that they don't deserve love or they can't get what they want. Nothing farther from the truth. 

A negative love experience most certainly opens a wound. It is up to each individual to heal it with love, or to feed it with a loveless life. What we call falling in love is nothing but an energy that everyone holds within and that reemerges and flows abundantly in the company of someone else. This energy is always there. It's who we are. What prevents a person from living in a constant state of being in love is the infamous, as well as erroneous belief that we need someone else to be complete. However magic and wonderful the experience of being in love with another may be, one can reach that point on their own. 

Love is and always should be a plan A. The world is full of wonderful people ready to be loved, people who are compatible with you and that could be even a better match than the lover who left or the one that never got to love us. One disappointment does neither condition, nor writes the fate of one's love life. There's always love after love. It's always there. Sometimes not beginning or ending a relationship could be more a blessing than not. For as long as you're alive, there's always another day to live, another romance to experience, another spark waiting ahead to set the house on fire. 

Attachment to another person has more to do with ego or pride than with love. You're still the same person, more experienced. It's a good idea to take stock of the relationship to see what your contribution has been. When the attention is focused on the good memories rather than the sense of loss, this exercise can only bring positive aspects of the self, as well as helping to build confidence and self-esteem. 

Being single is the perfect time to take care of yourself and grow, and in patience to cultivate a new you, more attractive and magnetic. Seeking love actively is not just going out on dates and meeting possible suitors, it's something that we can do every day while we are alone. There are so many wonderful things one can treat themselves to while alone in order to grow through self-love. The time to believe in love is: always. 

Do not settle for plan B. Do not settle for someone you would have not considered in the first instance while your heart was open to someone else. Love is not a consolation prize, and neither are people. It might keep us contented and good company for a period of time, but it would never be enough while still having someone else in mind and heart. It also leads to keep looking for love, to find someone better than the current partner. People do hurt as a consequence of such selfish and mindless actions. 

In fact, do not settle for anything other than what you want. Follow your dream with your heart, feel each passionate beat reaching for those things you want.

It could also put someone in a position where having started a relationship with someone might prevent the relationship they desire with someone else they meet along the way. More lost opportunities and possibilities to regret. Thus, life fills with one more "what if!" More ghost to dream of because they were never free at the time they met someone suitable; someone with whom you'll be happy and fulfilled.

Love is patient, and in patience love grows. What we do during this time of patience determines what comes next. There are no substitutes for the lovers that went away. Choose yourself during the periods that you are single. Make yourself a priority. Lead a conscious life. Love will come next. Wait for that man or that woman who lights the spark once again. Love is always in the air. It's only that we might have forgotten to breathe. 

Talk To Her: He Couldn't Talk to a Woman. Now He Can.


Many men struggle when it comes to talking to the woman they're attracted to. Some, in fact struggle to talk to any woman at all. Behind it, there's an undeserving feeling and a belief that tells that their not good enough. Men are not instructed in how to treat with women, nor anything else for that matter. No one teaches us what's truly important. The result is that we find love, relationships or commitment challenging. What would set us free, love, is what we fear most. From an early age, we're told to man up, to toughen up, to remove ourselves from feelings and emotions. That's a "girl's thing!" In turn, the pressure to distance ourselves from our true essence, often brings disastrous consequences that both men and women have to live with maybe for a lifetime. 

Men are expected to lead. But how can one lead when leadership is not taught from an early age? People are taught to fit in, to unconditionally belong to society, no questions asked; to keep our heads down and renounce to the most beautiful parts of being human. 

Separating from emotions creates an abysmal silence that most men use as a shield to protect their inner truth, which is what eventually would create a healthy connection with everyone else, the world, women and the self. 

Men cannot create a true connection with a woman without a deep, emotional element. One gets lost in words. Not truly knowing what to say, we get lost trying explain and over-explain what we don't understand: ourselves, in an attempt to tell others that we're good enough, that we deserve to be loved. Love is not just a feeling, it's a state of being that one only remembers when falling in love. Then words are not necessary, but on the way back to love, we continue explaining, while trying to understand what we are all about. 

I've already written about how men are as emotional as women, only that this is expressed in different ways. Here's the blog post if interested: 'Men And Emotions' 

Meet Nathan.

Nathan is not his real name. When I met Nathan, he was 25 years old. He was completely disconnected from himself. He exhibited low self-esteem and a frustrating lack of confidence in his natural abilities; abilities that he never used. During our first meeting he exposed every single obstacle that he created in his mind over the years in order not to have a relationship. My response was that any man can have any woman he wants -within reason-, anytime; that the secret is a sense of knowing, which lies covered by patterns of behaviour, beliefs and that it becomes a natural state of being by the choices we make. 

It is OK to change our beliefs, especially when new beliefs give us what we most want.

He had no reasons, but excuses.

In his own words, Nathan was overweight, short, not good looking, suffered from low self-esteem and it was obvious that he felt extremely uneasy around women. He kept a good distance from any woman, despite the fact that he was interested in a young girl. He also believed that the only way he could attract the woman of his dreams was by being successful in business. Business and money were his only focus. A means to an end. The problem was that he was neither in business, nor had the money. Thus he created another insolvable problem.  

Asking for help.

Everything began to change when he realised that he couldn't achieve what he wanted by himself and asked for help. It's a hard step to take. Men don't like asking for help, as we don't like to ask for directions. We live under an obstinate spell trying to project an image that we're in control. We're not. It was not an easy step to take. At no point I offered any help, nor introduced him to my coaching services. It was his choice to ask. More often than not, we need help to get what we want when we don't know how to get there. Help is always available, but one needs to ask.

Changing perspectives

I use Gestalt techniques -energy- and psychodrama when working with clients either face to face or online to recreate an experience that shows where the person is at the time. Such experiences reveal the beliefs and perspectives that one has on their current reality. When one beliefs that something is impossible, it does indeed becomes impossible. At the first opportunity Nathan had to talk to women face to face he jumped against the wall, as if he was trying to hide in it. Two minutes earlier he bragged about getting the same girls that were present in the place where we both were. 

These experiences are incredibly powerful, as the energy created is conducive for feelings and emotions, but also are eye openers to different possibilities. There were also numerous conversations during our interactions. Once the problem is identified it's easy to focus on the solution and work on it. Focusing on the problem or the beliefs he held are counter-productive. The mind is a master in creating problems. 

The heart is a master in finding solutions. 

Obsession and patience.

From the moment he signed to work with me he obsessed with reaching results immediately. It's not how it works. One needs to be patient in order to see the problem, accept their limitations while moving towards the solution. He was not. 

Talking and treating with women is much easier than what most men believe when it comes from a place of knowing. Knowing is an energy that every man holds within. No exceptions here. It's also a feeling, reason for which blocking emotions for a man is counter productive. 

Nathan's urgency prompted him to fixate on a co-worker, an older woman he claimed to have feelings for. He had misinterpreted her friendliness and took it as interest. It was clear that there were no loving feelings. He just wanted to 'close the deal' immediately and find sexual gratification, so as to prove to himself that he could do it. Knowing this I helped him to set a date, making sure that it took place in a safe space. One of the wonderful aspects of Gestalt techniques is that it doesn't allow to cause any harm to anyone. 

After two weeks of texting backwards and forward he desisted, realising and later on admitting that he only wanted to take advantage of this woman. Nothing else. Not reaching his 'target' he was truly disappointed, despite the fact that I told him that getting a woman by deception is not something I teach. My work doesn't allow room for casualties. This is how trying to deceive others becomes self-deception. 

However calculated his intentions were, during this period he was exposed to his own emotions, revealing where he may have gone wrong, and how his beliefs remained obstacles to what he wanted, it was a positive experience. He managed not only to talk to a woman, but to set a date. Nathan was given ample space and time to identify whether his actions were right or wrong. He was the judge of his own behaviour. 

Co-dependence. 

In order to teach Nathan how to connect with the sense of knowing, I had to show him through experience. Wherever we went, there was always a woman 'interested'. As he could see this, he repeatedly asked me how I managed to attract these women. The answer to this was: nothing. I don't do anything. I know. It's a feeling; an energy that's not threatening to women, nor anyone else. 

Despite the fact that on every occasion attraction took place I always walked away from the situation. At seeing this, he created a new intention and a new belief. This was that by being near me, he would get to choose among one of those women, as if they were objects that I owned. It was no longer about meeting the right woman. Any woman would do. The truth is, I wanted no one. None of those women were intended for me. Attracting a woman while working with someone would have been a betrayal to the principles I base this work on, as well as being highly unprofessional. The objective of such 'attractions' were to show Nathan that in order to attract a woman, no tricks were necessary; that a man doesn't have to jump in to the first opportunity that's presented. 

The fact that we can do something doesn't mean that we have to. 

In order to get what we want, often we have to say no to what we don't want. 

Heaven and Hell.

More often than not, personal beliefs stop us from getting what we want. Not only Nathan had fallen captive of a cultural belief of hell, he had created a reality that day after day manifested a reality of hell. How this belief transformed during the course of one evening is written here: 'The magical healing power of music.'

Authenticity.

Over a period of weeks, his beliefs as well as his self-esteem changed. Nathan grew in confidence. He no longer feared approaching women, although the impossibility to interest a woman still lived with him. 

The one mistake he was making now was that whenever he approached a woman, he used the same words and terms that I talked about. Nothing wrong with this, except for the fact that if it's not spoken from the heart, there's not a feeling to transform a belief. At this stage he had hit another wall: lack of authenticity. 

Lack of authenticity is the reason why trying to learn tricks in order to 'seduce' women doesn't work. If it doesn't come from the heart, one might be able to manipulate someone else or a situation in order to satisfy a momentary need, but it never reaches someone's heart. It's pointless. 

Knowing.

The experience of heaven and hell helped Nathan to open his heart and see multiple possibilities by holding on to an authentic feeling. From then on, teaching him different energies proved to be much easier. After three months of intensive work, the miracle happened. Not only he had lost the fear to talk to a woman, now there was a woman interested in him. My job was done, but there was still a conversation pending. 

I reminded him of the first conversation we had months earlier, all the obstacles he talked about, his beliefs. He had not changed physically. He was still overweight, "short" as he described himself, broke and every other excuse he had created for himself. But his perception and beliefs had changed. What he wanted was now possible.

Now he was living with the feeling of knowing, realising that he didn't have to do anything. Just being. No longer there was a need to trick anyone. He 'knew'. 

When our work together concluded, I left Nathan with these words: "Now you know. Use it well." Throughout this process, he had learned the benefits of good intentions, as he had experienced the consequences of following a hidden agenda. The choices were open and only for him to decide which direction to take. 

Talk to Her.

Talk to her is both, a personalised program, leading any man regardless of their circumstances, to a sense of knowing, so as to be able to approach women in a healthy and confident manner, as well as a book in progress. This service that was limited to face to face meetings is now available online. 

Despite the fact that for over twenty years I've been encouraged to offer this service to a wider audience, I've always been reticent to meet a demand that encourages deception as a means to an end. Trying to trick someone into a relationship or merely sex, is just another form of self-deception, a way to reinforce the belief that one is not enough, therefore one feels inclined to control and deceive. Tricks or deception are both byproducts of fear. It might offer temporary 'success', but it's also the first step to the end of any relationship. 

It's an empowering process that helps to reconnect to who and what he truly is. Knowing is a powerful state that helps to increases confidence, as well as serving to deal with numerous situations on a daily day basis. The ultimate goal is love; to reawakened the magnet within.

It will also be available in seminars and webinars within months. 

As the world is embracing a shift in consciousness, the solutions to our problems go through healthy and conscious choices that anyone can meet. The secret is in the choices we make. 

A similar program on dating, relationships and intimacy in order to create more conscious relationships is also available for women either through Skype sessions or face to face, as well as a number of upcoming seminars and webinars.

For more information email: manelblanco14@gmail.com

Related articles: 'The High Cost of an Unfeeling Life.'

Getting Women With Mind Control.


Mind Control is a pseudo-science which claims that the thought process in others can be controlled with psychological techniques. It's supposed to introduce new or unwanted thoughts in the mind of people. In other words, it's re-education with an ulterior motive behind and for someone's own personal benefit. For the last two days I had been working on a blog post, which coincidentally treats a similar subject: how a man can find or attract a woman, and the steps men can take in order to do so. My approach, however, it's as effective as it is healthy, as well as non-manipulative, for both men and women. However, as mind control as a way to get women was brought to my attention by readers, I decided to take on this one first. 

In my previous blog entry: 'All men are the same', I wrote how men as a collective have gained the way women perceive us, however different one might be from the other. Women need us. They want us. They love us. They fear us. Not the best stage, nor feeling to approach postures in order to find a common ground from which we can create healthier relationships. 

If you have not read the blog post mentioned above, 'All men are the same' is not a blog against men, nor masculinity, but an informative and encouraging one to change perspectives and direction as a collective.

When a man meets woman there's a important factor that all men have to consider. Most women already had some type of negative experience with men. It doesn't necessarily have to be in a relationship per se, as it is as simple as the impact that a family member, being a father, grandfather or close relative had in their development. When the negative portrait of men comes as a direct result of a relationship, what a man has to consider is that even though he enters a new relationship with the impression of coming with a clean sheet, we have to move through all the emotional debris left behind by another man. This woman might already be responding to triggers and created boundaries that may be impossible for him to overcome. 

Triggers and boundaries go and live deep, often causing mayhem in relationships, for which reason a different blog entry would be more appropriate to explore the subject.

A man's good behaviour or intentions alone may not be enough to overcome the damage created by another man. Often this issue can be represented subtly, and neither of the partners may be aware or able to recognise it. 

It's often the case that relationships do not have the appropriate closure, leaving previous relationships open in terms of energy. Now you're in competition with an old boyfriend, ex-husband or worse; a mindless lover. At this stage is easy to believe that one is a hero or saviour; that we're going to make this woman feel safe. 

Women don't need to be saved. They want to be loved, feel wanted. This is safe.

The point is that this woman has been manipulated in one way or the other. Whether this is trained mind control or not, the consequences are something we all have to live with. It only makes relationships more difficult, if not impossible. When a man is in a relationship, having to face unexpected reactions that do not make sense and may be out of proportion, that woman might not be reacting to him, but to a previous lover.

Everyone leaves an imprint in their lovers. The questions are, what mark we want to leave behind and how we want to be remembered.

As children we grow up with the idea that once we reach adulthood we're going to lead a perfect life. We've already seen all the mistakes adults make and move forward with the conviction that we'll do better. It's possible to make it better, and many people achieve to break with family patterns. One of the purposes we have in life is to break with the negative traits in behaviour, beliefs and habits that don't serve anyone. To break with the tyranny of patriarchy, which equally damages both, men and women, is the purpose of the collective. Patriarchy survives due to mind control.

The idea of perfect is what moves individuals to try and control everything. Even though we've never been in a relationship, we already have mapped out how it works, how perfect is going to be, not considering that a relationship is formed by two people or that the other person also has their idea of perfection. 

Mind control is the inner child trying to control everything. 

Mind control is what the Nazis did to Germany and the German people. We all know how that ended. 

Mind control is what pedophiles do to children to keep them in shame and silence, so as to continue abusing them. 

Mind control is admission that we're not enough and we need an instrument of power to dominate others. 

Mind control is coercive. 

Mind control is abuse.

Mind control is the way of the coward.

Mind control is fear of being authentic. 

Mind control is what politicians and media inflict on the general population. 

Mind control is how religion manipulated people with fear for centuries. 

Mind control is what the banking elites are making everyone believe, in order to make us think that live in a world of lack and scarcity. 

Mind control is the same manipulation from which we've been trying to escape since childhood. 

Mind control speaks of low self-esteem, of someone who doesn't believe he can get what he wants with his natural abilities.

There are numerous and different forms and expressions of mind control.  

It's unfortunate to see that in order to make a quick buck some men are teaching or at least trying to teach mind control to other men. It's even more unfortunate that there are men biting the bait and paying for such services trying to learn manipulative techniques in order to get what they want from women or anyone else. This is also a sign that they've been already mind controlled. Oh, the irony!

Let's say that these mind control techniques work and that one learns to control and manipulate women in order to get what they want, usually a quick fix. It might get a man what he wants for a while, until he realises that this is not what he wants, although it might take him a time to reach that conclusion. It's not the way to reach self-realisation or to find out who we really are. What we do, the behaviour and beliefs we feed and embrace is who we are and what we become. 

What we do to others, we do to ourselves. How we treat others, define who we really are.

Picture this: A man uses mind control techniques to manipulate a woman. As this woman is facing both, an external and internal struggle to act in ways that probably contradict the true essence of who she is, she's not only divided; she becomes as shadow of who she really is. The man gets the package, but not the heart. She might go along with it for a period of time. Eventually this woman will want to escape from the emotional and energetic prison where a man put her. And she will. 

The truth is that one can manipulate and control another for a while, but everyone is strong enough to resist and rebel against the tyranny of an oppressor. Love is freedom, which is the opposite of what mind control produces. 

We can't control anything. Once we are in peace with this fact, life becomes much simpler. 

Everything in life is a paradox. Many of these paradoxes come charged with a great amount of irony. While trying to control others, we also put a halt on our personal development, renouncing to explore the amazing qualities that every human being is born with, as well as the incredible possibilities for growth and to create a wonderful reality. 

If you want to connect with women to get want you want, offer them love and freedom. Those are the two of most powerful magnets, as it allows for a space where women can express the best of what and who they are. 

Mind control lacks empathy, kindness, love, honesty, trust or care; all the good human qualities, which might illustrate what a man's intention may be. This is certainly not the portrait of a man, but the obvious underdeveloped traits of  a boy; the inner child running on a tantrum, seeking revenge against women.

If a man truly wants to make a connection with women, so as to get what he wants, the steps to follow are those that embrace masculinity or the divine masculine. Perhaps it seems a harder road at first, but once developed and absorbed, connections with women, with the self and the world become much easier. 

There are amazing traits in masculinity, which men are overlooking, while we're still trying to get a quick fix to our frustrations, instead of looking in the mirror and face our own demons. Controlling others is just another way to escape from responsibility. Only that this time, with mind control, it's not only the man who suffers the consequences. We do also harm others.

The danger in trying to apply mind control is that once the individual realises that they can't control anyone as they imagined, and that even if they did, it wouldn't be for too long, he grows in frustration and anger. There might be a rapist in the making. Life is in the choices we make. What a waste of imagination and creativity.
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All Men Are The Same.



"All men are the same" is a statement voiced too often. These are words usually come after feelings of rejection and abandonment. It would be easy, even opportunistic to reply with the same old adagio that we´re not all the same, that some or many men do care, treat women with love, respect and a long string of convenient rhetoric. Such statement is also an opportunity to tackle the issue of how women may or may not be treating men in relationshipsThere´s a difference between opportunity and being opportunistic. One has to recognise and know the difference, then act accordingly. 

That every man is unique, different to every other man is not a secret to anyone. However, within the diversity in men, there's an element of uniformity that makes the previous statement a relative truth. Any man that knows his value and appreciates their uniqueness, won´t enter the comparison, nor react to such words. 

The fact that so many women affirm that all men are the same is not merely an expression after a frustrating experience, but one that has been repeated time and again. It has a deeper meaning. Perhaps it's not the best way to deal with the situation, but it is what we have right now. 

It might be time that men begin to listen and learn not to react, and without explanation of who one is to move outside the comfort zone. Just listen. There´s no need to explain ourselves. These words are a general feeling, the expression of an emotion. If men don´t want listen to it, it´s because we´re terrified of emotions we don't understand or might not want to understand; detached from the experience. The common, but not natural response is anger, so as to numb such feelings and emotions. 

It's also true that if a man has not participated in such experience they want to remove themselves from such reality, and not to respond to the call. It's also true that "all men are the same" is the voice of one of the oppressive energies of patriarchy.

Men are as emotional as women, but it's expressed in a different way. The reason why this is not recognised is that we seem to have taken monopoly over anger, as if of a birth right, discarding all other emotions. If we don´t listen to the collective is because we know there´s truth in such statement. Truth and responsibility are steps closer to intimacy, an abstract we´re terrified of, and one we don´t yet fully understand as a gender. When intimacy is reduced to the momentary pleasure, the instant gratification of the male genitalia by any means possible, we´re missing the connection with the deeper and greatest part of our own being. Without it, no man can create a deeper connection to another, nor expect to have a healthy relationship with a woman.

Anger is a defense mechanism. One that stops men from growing, perpetuating the tantrum of the inner child. 

The problem of uniformity.

However different one man is from another, we still move within the parameters imposed by patriarchy. The feelings and beliefs that society holds on women are deeply ingrained in the collective psyche. Misogyny is a real force, a belief that many men wouldn't recognise or won´t admit to hold in their belief's system. It's not easy to see where we might be going wrong. A woman is not only the object of affection, but possession. 

Patriarchy affects both men and women in different ways. Men are not free from its powerful grasp either, even though it is reflected in multiple ways wherever we are.

Misogyny, as well as patriarchy are energies that move powerfully through society with devastating effects. This is represented in several ways, but one in particular, seeing women as lesser beings, as a commodity to satisfy immediate needs, as someone who makes us look good in front of friends, family and peers. 

Peer pressure to act manly or cool in front of others slowly influences the development of a child and the person he´s to become. By acting in such uniformed ways, one loses authenticy, and you, a child that was born in love, with amazing gifts and an incredible potential become an obedient part of a system that suppresses the good qualities of any individual because we still follow the preaching of ´sacred´ scriptures and accept that women are a group destined to servitude. This is a convenient truth that doesn't help anyone.

One cannot be authentic while continue behaving within the established parameters of what a man is supposed to be or how to act. Without authenticity, you will never be able to show the world who you really are. While the steps to change and development into who you really are might not seem easy, with a bit of awareness and dedication this is possible sooner than you may think. 

How it affects men in relationships with women.

Men as a collective have earned the view women have of us, if not personally, by association or gender. Unfortunately there´s a large percentage of men who use and abuse opportunities, their position, relationship status, personal qualities and a woman´s feelings to feed selfish needs for a while, having no intention to stay in the relationship or to create a space between man and woman which they see and treat as sacred. History is written with countless crimes against women. What we do to others, we do to ourselves.

It's disheartening to meet a woman; to hear that "I has not been raped, but"  ... the silence that follows this sentence is filled with fear and desperation, knowing that this is a real possibility that's lurks around every corner. Without explaining, this sentence also tells of how she's been coerced in one way or another into sex. 

Every experience that a person goes through creates a memory, which is stored in body and mind. If the experience that a woman has with a man is negative, the memory will continue to be negative. Many men are currently paying the consequences for the actions of men in a woman's past. A bad experience creates a trigger. Triggers are followed by negative reactions. As a man, you might have never caused any harm to your partner, but you're facing the consequences of episodes in the past relationships. 

When a woman feels triggered, the man is automatically rejected, and as he feels rejected, he's also triggered, reacting accordingly and creating separation; followed by feelings of abandonment that if unexplored may cause further negative episodes. Trust is negatively affected, and if not dealt with appropriately, it could be beginning the end of the relationship. It's not that she doesn't trust you. She has learned not to trust men in general. What both partners need to know and recognise in this case, is that nothing of what's happening has anything to do with them. The initial trigger could be as simple as a loving word or the most gentle touch. It doesn´t necessarily have to be another negative experience. 

A man and a woman could be in love, experiencing the most romantic moment in their relationship and still be triggered by a past memories. A woman doesn´t have to go through the worst experience -violent or abusive- with a man. It´s possible that she´s triggered by a memory created in childhood. It´s as simple as grandfather touching his granddaughter´s face in a loving, but unwanted manner twenty years ago. What for a grandfather could be an act of love, it could be an invasive act for the child. 

The end of the affair.

The end of a relationship usually leaves a sour feeling, especially when it´s the partner´s choice. Whatever reasons they may have are irrelevant. What remains is the sudden feeling of abandonment; the sense that we´re no longer important to someone with whom we probably wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. The feeling of rejection deepens in the wound as an ex-partner moves on and begins a new relationship when one is still mourning the loss. New feelings emerge, resentment, anger, even hate. Now we definitely feel unimportant and rejected, more so when any opportunity of reconciliation vanishes the moment they're with someone else. They want to be in a relationship with someone, but not with us.

Such reaction is not surprising. Intimacy, love, happiness and friendship to name a few are removed from our lives within seconds.

These emotions could also be triggered by a brief affair. The relationship doesn't need to go deeper than a couple of nights together. There´s a lot to say on this subject, and there are healthy solutions to these common problems. However, it's too extensive a topic to treat it in one blog post, and it does take inner work. Work that many people are not willing to take on or don't know how or where to begin.

Uniqueness and integrity as the solution.

Appreciating our uniqueness is no longer enough in a world with hardly any values left, where many people take no accountability for their actions. We have to act on it, set a new imprint and move towards a healthier reality. A world that functions on the energy of immediate gratification is dysfunctional, as pleasure, love or happiness always come from external sources. Men have to step up, use their gift and make a difference. The actions of one man reflect on every other man, even though logic says that a woman should learn to differentiate between one man and the rest. 

There are many men out there who are not the same. Conscious men that do not enter this comparison. Everyone has a responsibility towards others. How we treat others define who we are. As the world is moving towards a more conscious reality, men who have chosen to lead a more conscious life must be the precursors of a new education. 

It's not necessary to spell it out. If you've been present in a bar conversation with other men, you will know what this is about. How many of those 'friends' would you trust to leave alone with your wife, girlfriend or daughter? 

There are wonderful aspects about masculinity that men could easily embrace, which in turn would make a difference, but we're still too preoccupied or reacting to the general view that women have of us. Women need men, as much as men need women, but not at any price. This works both ways. We all want more, deserve more. Everyone wants to love and be loved.

Reaction does not make a difference. The silent response of our actions does.

It might also be time for everyone to realise, both men and women, that we have to take responsibility, to begin to build the house from its foundations. Any man is a role model. What role model we decide to become is a personal choice. Taking responsibility comes with the realisation that the established system is never going to provide the type of education that teaches men and women to be a better person. 

An education that has been appropriate from childhood would not require people to seek to become a better person at a later stage in life, as high values would be already an intrinsic part in someone's belief system. The problem is that we're trained to be functional to provide for the needs of a patriarchal and capitalist system, not to be a person. 

To become a better person we learn with experience, making mistakes. No matter how many mistakes you might have made, every day is an opportunity to begin with a clean sheet. Who you were yesterday is not what or who you are today. If we continue behaving in the same way is because we choose to, not because we have to.

We are already born a better person. What happens between then and now has a lot to do with education and the basis of fear in which society continues functioning. A society in which no one is good enough. Everyone is good enough from the moment of birth. Sadly, we're educated to separate from who we truly are, acting accordingly until we learn better.

As men, it's our responsibility to the a proactive participant in a new education process, to share our knowledge and values with everyone. Every moment is an opportunity to impart such knowledge. Knowledge is only power when shared. The new education doesn't go through a classroom, but in the every day life. It's not about preaching, but leading by example, to identify and share the benefits of a healthier approach to relationships and how to treat and communicate with women, ourselves and the world.

It's clear that the current model has been obsolete for centuries. Every day is an opportunity to initiate change, one that benefits everyone involved in the situation. As someone considers a shift in attitude, those feelings and actions are not about becoming the hero that saves Damsel in distress, but to be a decent person. Not a man, nor a woman, but a person. 

The actions of a person can have a positive effect in the lives of thousands, so as to provide the basis of a world where love is possible. In the end, all comes to love. How we interact with the world determines the kind of love we give and receive, whether one is afraid of love or willing to risk it all for it; or if and when we lead a life in which love flows abundantly for every one. 

If the actions of one person can reflect on thousands, even millions, imagine what an effect the positive actions of many would have. You may never see or perceive such effects directly and you may never receive feedback or praise for who you are or what a positive impact you have in the world. Not everything is instant gratification. Instant gratification is another lie we've been sold and one which we buy on a daily basis. We have to learn to live with this fact of not knowing our impact in the world and the fact that the rewards will return in different ways from numerous sources. It's the law of cause and effect. 

There are solutions to every problem in relationships when both partners are willing to work on their issues. However, the perception from personal experience is that most people wait until the end of a relationship to take action, when nothing can be done to solve it. It's possible to foresee and tackle all issues as soon as they appear, to not allow it to deteriorate. If this is your case, feel free to contact me directly here, so as to identify the solutions that are already within you. It's possible to improve the world regardless of what you've been told. The change begins with the self, then, everything else begins to fall into place.

The amount of healthy and conscious men in the world is large, as well as increasing in numbers. Let's change the narrative, both men and women and see that there's much more to love than what one has experienced so far. A bad relationship does not define every woman, nor every man. 

It's not the all men are the same, but the view we have of others. There are many wonderful men listening to this desperate call, responding with a beautiful silence and who are engaged in amazing personal and collective projects to create change. They won't respond to the "all men are the same" call, nor will  you meet them while the vision puts us in the same box. We see what we want to see, we hear what we want to hear. Changing the narrative changes everything. No woman will meet this type of man, while believing we're all the same. 

Conscious men don't go where they're nor valued, nor have they any need to prove their worth to anyone. The intention to shift perceptions is there, the need to be recognised by their actions might not.

These men consciously work on themselves. They don't run away from relationships, nor are afraid of commitment. This kind of man lies within every man, and any woman has the power and ability to bring him to life. 

If you benefited from the information provided in this blog entry, I accept donations -donation button at the top right of the blog-, so I can continue writing more blogs posts. Thank you for your generosity and kindness.