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Why Some Men Turn Their Lovers Into Mothers.

Sometimes relationships are denaturalised, losing their essence and purpose, when the woman consciously or unconsciously becomes their partner's mother. While mothering and nurturing may be natural in a woman, it's often the case that such turn occurs in a response to the needs of men. It's not a woman's desire to become their partner's mother.  The relationship becomes unequal, the male partner begins to be triggered by the same or similar situations he previously experienced. There's a risk that along the way the man turns into the worst version of his father, as he may relive childhood's home dynamics. 

It's essential to mention that this is a common occurrence in relationships, and that the intention of this blog post is first, to make it conscious, and second; to find solutions. 

It's also necessary to emphasise how important it is to remove the tendency to find blame or fault in either partner. Blaming others in any situation ruins the possibility to perceive the lesson involved in the experience.  A relationship is a two way partnership, for which there's also a natural, unconscious inclination in the woman to fulfill this role.

The problem roots at the birth of patriarchy. We're simply following the inertia of a mandate created at a time where the needs of humanity might have been different for survival. Women were disempowered, while men began to separate from the divine masculine, or the good qualities of masculinity. Qualities that could be regained anytime a man wished to. 

That men might be unconsciously entrapped within an obsolete set of rules, beliefs and patterns of behaviour without an enlightened direction in regards to what to do, doesn't serve as an excuse for have low we've fallen. Patriarchy doesn't have a mother, but numerous bad and absent fathers. This is a father who's severe, tyrannical, controlling, bad tempered and devastating in his actions. No woman would have imagined to create such a tyrannical system or at least not at the time when patriarchy was believed to be necessary.

As a consequence, women were removed from any decision making. The absence of a nurturing mother who's free to educate her child -humanity- with the more feminine elements, such as love, kindness, patience or creativity created a race of individuals feeling incomplete and unworthy, and a number of paradoxes. Self-confidence, -which has been substituted by assertiveness- is one of the qualities of the divine masculine, a trait that men rarely embody, as we've not been given, neither the tools, nor the teachings to know it or recognise it. 

At the time, women stepped aside, -it must be said that forcibly- to become the servants of angry men who became somehow dehumanised by separating themselves from all things emotional. One of the reasons for such anger is man's inability to access feelings or emotions fully. Being deprived of feelings and emotions, men can no longer recognise their true essence, nor identify a true purpose in life. We might know that there's more to life than what we experience or that we're capable of doing better, but lack the tools that would allow it. 

It's not that men are not emotional. We are. It's the inability to recognise and fully feel those emotions.

During childhood, men are told to be confident and in control,  but never taught how. This is, of course due to the fact that the men and society reinforcing this belief don't know how to be it either. Asking children to grow to be something we're not, might be humanity's try for help. One way to create the illusion of control is the emotional death sentence that 'boys don't cry'. Crying is a human being's natural way to release unwanted and unnecessary emotional energy, which means that by not doing so, energies are restored within the body, creating layers and layers of energetic films, creating a negative attachment to damaging memories. 

The false belief that boys don't cry has become a living entity of its own, and it's unavoidable in a boy's experience. Whether it comes from family, friends or the environment, he will feel pressurised to train himself to neither feel, nor to express emotions. From sadness to joy, all emotions will be then repressed, creating a separation from the feminine and mother. This is bound to create an array of misunderstandings with grave consequences. 

The fall of men is the separation from heart and spirit.

With women excluded from all important decisions, they somehow complied, either willingly, in order to stop their children from being harmed, or by coercion. During this long period of silence, women held on to the most sacred, nurturing within and among themselves the keys to the divine, which would allow a more humane society that serves the needs of everyone. 

It's not a secret that women mature earlier. Women have somehow become providers of all things intangible and what's lacking in today's society. It's an invisible glue, that men in our ignorance insist in dissolving not really knowing why or for what purpose. In the case of men, the lack of emotional maturity leads a man to seek in their partners, not only a lover, but an understanding and nurturing mother, while in reality, what we want is a friend

Patriarchy's fierce division of gender has also assigned universal qualities to either male or female; qualities that to which we must now return and learn in order to become better people. Such learning is in principle fairly easy, becoming easier, as we recognise and then identify with kindness, love or empathy, seeing the benefits that brings into the experience of everyone.   

The child within appears during the first stage of the relationship. It can be appreciated in the lively energy, spontaneity or creativity. While this is a wonderful period in the relationship, there´s also a risk that the childish attitude remains throughout, and what was funny or charming once, might become repetitive or annoying, as the in-love phase ends. It's also possible that the neurotic part of the inner child comes to life once the relationship is not all play and love, and as the dynamics don't follow the desired state of love, it provokes negative reactions. The neurotic child reacts when everything doesn't go their way.

The lack of emotional maturity in men plays an important part in the process, being unable to deal with the mundane of daily life, as society's demands require to be met. This phase would be the equivalent to the fall from grace or coming out of the womb, when in a way the child is being left to provide for their own emotional needs, as the mother is no longer all embracing. Although subtle, it could cause feelings of abandonment and rejection, or both, which might be triggered the moment the honeymoon period is over and the lover is not always there. The emotional turmoil can be paralysing, and as this man might not be equipped to process his emotions, another set of emotional reactions come into play. In order to seek the lover's attention, they become needy, constantly demanding love and attention. At this point, the man becomes codependent, seeking the comfort that satisfies the child within, even if what's requested from their partner might be sexual pleasure. The fact that a man may request something that in appearance appeases the adult, makes it more difficult to recognise the child running the show with his needs.

It's important to recognise the feeling, so as to be able to process it and overcome it. There will be lack of self-confidence and the realisation that they're not in control, as feelings and emotions become overwhelming. An essential step forward would be a conversation that allows to explore intimacy by expressing vulnerability. Vulnerability within the couple builds intimacy, allowing to further get to know each other, as well as the self, and setting a new array of emotions leading to a sense of knowing. The problem might be the individual doesn't allow himself to be vulnerable, as the general belief is that of weakness and losing control. 

Unfortunately, the root of these traumas are not easy to see, as it happens at an age in which we do not hold on to memories as we identify them in later years. The answers tend to be easier in practice, provide the individual is willing to challenge and change their set of beliefs. The difficulty lies in the emotion storm that might follow, and in processing such emotions without resorting to the usual coping mechanism, which does not help the individual either. 

Seduced by the false belief that boys don't cry, nor show emotions, children run away from the love of their mothers at an age in which they're still needing emotional and nurturing support. It's the child that closes the door to love, nor the mother, therefore it's not surprising that as an adult, the man unconsciously seeks that love he can identify himself with. 

Women got and keep getting the worst part of the deal, -to put it mildly-, but it's not only them who suffered the dreadful consequences with the birth of patriarchy; men do suffer too, we just like to think that we're not affected by it; that we're in control while we're not. It had to come to the point in which feminism has entered what it's called the fourth wave, for men, manhood and what represents, to hit a wall of insecurity in which seems that being a man is close to be synonym of evil, for these beliefs to be challenged, so as to reconsider what being a man really is. It's clear that role of man needs to be redefined, but also acted upon new, healthier ways.

Patriarchy has created a system that moves and functions on invisible forces, hard to recognise with the purpose to create uniformity and obedient workers that perpetuates a weak society that serves the needs of the powerful, whom are at the top of hierarchy. If at some point in your life you felt that you're not important or special enough, within the patriarchal society, you're not. There's no interest in you being or feeling special, which is paradoxical, because important and special is what we all are. 

As the best qualities of masculinity and the feminine are repressed, it's impossible for a man to learn to be, not just a man, but a good person without making all sort of mistakes, often induced by a set of wrong beliefs that places women, children and the rest of the species in a place of servitude, but it should never be an excuse for the atrocities that men keep committing against women, children, the planet and other living creatures. We might not know much or enough, but we do know better. 

A relationship is the perfect platform to grow as a person knowing each other, as well as ourselves intimately. If at any point we feel inclined to turn our partners into mothers or fathers, is due to an emotional lack experienced during childhood. While it might be an issue now, there are healthy and fast solutions as individuals explore intimacy, learning from the loving and nurturing qualities that can be found in such spaces. 

Cutting the cord from a mother requires an process of understanding one's personal development. There are exercises that are recommended to cut the cord with others, but such exercises are futile if there's not an in depth study of our character and personality, having acquired and developed a series of mechanical habits to simply survive in the world. Any exercise requires a emotional shift that creates a new feeling and vision. If it is too mental an exercise, it won't create the change expected. 


I have two openings to take on two more clients in order to assist and resolve processes in personal transformation. There's a more detailed account of the process in services or you can contact me directly:

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The new man: Embracing the divine masculine.

The New Man: Embodying the Divine Masculine.

Humanity is now facing the hard truths of what meant to be living under the dictatorial rule of patriarchal society. It's not clear when patriarchy started, but what's obvious is that everyone is suffering the consequences. Old patterns no longer serve anyone. As a result, men lost touch with whom and what we really are, being perhaps the most traumatic, the loss of intimacy from childhood to adulthood. Traumatic because the lack of touch with out most intimate parts affect negatively the relationships with have with the self, other men, women, children and the rest of world. The resources to change this reality and move into the new man that the world is in so much need of are available. 

If the significance of loss of intimacy is not clear, it means that as we don't know who we are, we cannot be understood by anyone. It keeps feeding a deep personal trauma that we ourselves do not reach to comprehend, as men continue defending at all cost an identity based on false beliefs. It's the discord between what we feel, what we express and what we do that aggravates the trauma, until individuals no longer feel or know who they are, sometimes with grave or fatal consequences.

Perhaps the most relevant mirror in which men had to look into, having the most effect in the changes that are about to take place is the #metoo campaign, which has awoken the world to the truth of a reality that everyone knew about, but no one talked about. Masculinity has been shaken to its foundations, and while there were already a large number of men creating and promoting change, the wave of anger and discontent has taken us all unprepared. One of the best ways to support this change, now unavoidable, is to immerse in male intimacy, a field that has been plagued by obsolete beliefs and patterns of behaviour that cannot longer be the basis of a healthy proposal, not only in relationships with women and the world, but in the relationship that men have with ourselves. 

Intimacy as an agent of change.

The importance of understanding men in intimacy in all our relationships: the one we have with the self, women, children and the world, will allow men to propose the foundation of a new society. No longer men have to do it alone, as the equal vote and contribution of women has become essential to create a world that serves the needs of everyone. 

In order to be able to know what these changes are, we have to get to know ourselves intimately, to know what inspire us, what we truly want, what triggers us, so as to understand why we've led the life we have, and most importantly, to rediscover every positive quality and attribute of masculinity we have not been able, neither to nurture, nor to express under the false and interested mandate of patriarchy. 

Patriarchy doesn't have a mother.

Let's understand patriarchy as an absent father figure pushing throughout the centuries using only the toxic elements of masculinity that so much devastation has caused to men, women, children and society as a whole. Let's also see it as an invisible force functioning on unwritten rules that have been followed, as humanity remained dormant before the constant threat of fear and the distraction that represents to make ends meet in an unethical world where there never seems to be enough for everyone. With the threat of scarcity constantly hovering over our heads, it's almost impossible to allocate time to engage in those important matters that would have made men wonderful human beings. 

One of the consequences that men had to face in patriarchal society has been that it didn't allow us to get to know ourselves intimately, as it denied the much necessary energetic balance in every human being. For centuries, men have been encouraged to be providers, with the image of the hunter/gatherer being promoted until no longer holds true meaning, nor makes any sense. We live in a society, which has enough technological advances to provide for the wellbeing of everyone, only denied by the illusion of the rat race by which everyone is absorbed. We grew up in a society of disempowered mothers.

The illusion led men to having to do everything within their power to find jobs that pay enough. Enough having lost its meaning also. There always seem to be need for more. During this period, society has lost values and/or any resemblance of morals. It gets worse! Most of these professional positions come with status attached to them, as well as a false sense of identity in order to be enough. No matter what the game is, the precarious state of the professional environment devours self-confidence and our sense of being.

Before learning the new ways, we have to be aware of the old, negative patterns and how have affected us.

Society's demands on perfection, productivity and most recently image puts an unnecessary pressure on everybody, successfully targeting our core: the heart and everything that it represents. It's no wonder that men, and more women compete against each other day by day, removing every sign of being humane. Being human or a good person is not encouraged. These days Utopia has been reduced to living from the heart, and who knows, maybe Utopia has always been just that: living from the heart. 

It's the dehumanisation of humanity, and sadly; we're all buying into it. 

The proposal to change this force, which now seems unstoppable, is simple and much easier to achieve than what we've been led to believe. Every man is a leader. If we have not seen it represented before, is because leadership has been defined by beliefs and qualities that only served the system and submitted others at the same time.

Change occurs when doing something differently. never 'if' we do it differently. That men are as fed up and exhausted of living under the dictate of a patriarchal society that only feeds the needs of those based at the top of the hierarchical system is a reality. The problem with this, as well as the reason why it has not changed it's because we've believed for too long that the same people who benefit from our hard work, energy and efforts are the ones who will bring healthy and responsible solutions to create a society in which everyone enjoys wellbeing. It's time to take initiative and to follow through. 

Embodying the divine masculine:

Men have good reasons to seek change, so as to find our place in the world. As children, we didn't want to grow up to live under a hard, fictitious shell that in appearance in may prevent us from harm, but that at the same time doesn't allow us to express who we really are. Most boys, and now men, do not want to become the standard man that society promotes, and which is shaped in most cases due to peer pressure, molding our character through repetitive experience and a society that wants us all to be the same. 

The proposal here and now is a personalised course in order to unlearn the old, and replace it with the new. During this personalised process the individual would be able to learn how education, culture, relationships and an old set of beliefs and patterns have contributed to cram their lives with disempowering obstacles, as well as how to develop a course that serves their immediate and long term needs. 

This course is available for men, women, as well as couples interesting in growing both together and individually. One of the obstacles that women face in relationships is not understanding their male partners, as in why the act as they do, while at the same time seeing their true potential, but not knowing how to encourage change. 

The study and implementation of the Divine Masculine is intended to explore the good and positive qualities that holds, as a powerful transformational tool. It´s never too late to grow personally, and contrary to popular belief, people do change. The embodiment of the divine masculine is also a process full of surprises, as men do experience not only a positive change towards the self, but discover long time dormant qualities within, and the pertinent effect that has on themselves, their relationships and the world. 

For information on this course, please write to: 

More information on the Divine Masculine

The book 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon. Dealing with dynamics and a detailed exploration of the twin flame relationship, the content is exclusive to the book and cannot be found on this blog. 

For soul readings, visit this link. or contact me directly 

Men's International Day: Uncelebrated and Unmanned.

Every year, November 19th is the designated day for Men's International Day. The intention is to celebrate the achievements of men who are making the efforts to improve the state of the world and the well being of men. Not a sound was heard around the world this year, perhaps because men do not feel as we have anything to celebrate, or at least not much. It's not that there´s much to shout about after witnessing the crude reality of the #metoo movement, and what's the real state of society; what we´ve become as beings. Somehow we've fallen into an existential limbo in which we no longer know who we are or what direction to take. Not that we knew it before, we just lived under the illusion that we did. 

There are different ways in which to interpret such lack of interest. Although there's a debate about what it means to be a man in the current times, and a lot of men are doing good work to tackle the issues that so deeply and devastatingly affect society, it's not yet enough. More men need to join. 

Over the past few months, it has become obvious that the role of men, as it was encouraged to be by patriarchal society, needs a radical change. Despite of this fact, there's a large number of men opposing feminism or equality in fear that our fates will be dominated by women. Perhaps this is one reason why there's not unity among us to start a new and necessary dialogue. No matriarchal society has been been rule by a hierarchy. It's not in women's nature. 

There are important issues to discuss, such as male suicide or depression that it's spoken of in lower tones. These two issues alone are unspeakable among men, as it's not the way patriarchy meant it for us. No solutions can be found if men affected do not join the dialogue. The truth is, patriarchal society has a strong grasp on everyone, both men and women, even though we experience the consequences of it in different ways. 

Women simply had enough of years of suppression and submission. The demands they have are the natural ones that any human being would desire for a safe and peaceful living.

In the case of men, the consequences we experience are more subtle. Living under the impression that we're in control, that patriarchal society favours men over women or children because of our physical superiority or the false belief that we are the owners of reason is a story we liked to tell ourselves for too long. We might have liked it, but never enjoyed it, as there's no truth in such statement. The lie got to big, now too obvious. In so many ways we feel powerless to introduce or implement changes. 

And if men feel and are powerless is because since the beginning of patriarchy we're believed in a power that is not true power. We've never seen, nor experienced true power. 

The time has come to realise that within the parameters of patriarchal society we're mere servants to a hierarchy that neither has a face, nor a name. Patriarchy is an energy, and this presents the first problem. Most men do not join a conversation that proposes holistic solutions to today's spiritual decline, with the inevitable loss of values that allows a fair society. 

What energy means in this case is, that we have been following the same programming for such so long, that the people involved in organisations and institutions of power already function under a strict set of beliefs and patterns of behaviour.  

At this point, there are a number of questions that have to be raised. Why do men use our vital energy to fight the inevitable rise of women until everyone becomes equal? Why are we men not doing enough to stop violence against children and women, if everyone has a mother, a sister, a daughter, a female partner, a girlfriend or a wife? Why do we men so willingly join institutions which sole purpose is to kill other? The perpetrators are not always others. Someone has to be committing these crimes. 

But in regards to men, there's another important matter to discuss: why are we not using our vital energy and resources to create a more equal and better society for us as well. When someone wastes energy and efforts in sabotaging someone else's purpose, they're sabotaging themselves, as one of the paths to happiness is creative, not to destroy. It's easy to destroy. Anyone can do it.  

The masculine has wonderful qualities, most of which are not used, for the same reason mentioned above: by inertia we follow the patterns created by patriarchy without questioning it, and if/or we do, we fail to find, create or propose solutions. 

The unseen part of the issues that affect men is that, the men who are taking their lives or falling deeply in depressive states are ruled by emotions that we can hardly explain, as the separation from the heart -a legacy from patriarchy-, the most important organ that allows human beings to process feelings and emotions in healthy ways have been suppressed in men. This is a fact that can be observe in children everywhere. Continuing with the tradition, boys learn from older boys that boys don't cry, thus learning to cover up their emotions, which in the long term puts them at risk of becoming depressed adults that commit suicide when the see no end to their well hidden emotional problems. 

A new education is necessary in order to change the upbringing of male children in a more holistic and loving society, as well as male adults that face such issues. Another of the problems society and individuals face is that people still continue to believe that government and institutions will provide for such answers. They won't, as they follow established rules. 

Men's lack of interest or unity during Men's International Day should serve as a sign that we do not have a voice; that we might boast about manhood, our achievements and how fearless we say we are -without belief- over a couple of beers, but when it comes to important matters, we've been buying the message of a dysfunctional society in which everyone lives under one form of neurosis or another. 

It's man's refusal to admit that we're indeed vulnerable that does not allow people to enter more profound states of being, in which we begin to recognise who we really are, by remembering that we all once had a dream that does not match the current race of dog eat dog chasing money in an endless competition that leads nowhere. 

We are beings powerful beyond measure, but in order to rediscover such true power, first we must begin to recognise our vulnerabilities. Being vulnerable is part of being human.

It's every man's responsibility to ponder on all these issues and many others that affect the individual, society and others, so as to find the inner strength, which we do not use, even if we think that we might do. It's time to come to terms with reality and admit that we're bound by imposed limitations, and that this is all we belief. The old saying 'every man by himself' is no longer valid. What's to become of a society that doesn't have unity because we're losing all values that guarantee the universal rights of every human being are respected? 

The people who suffer, are as human and have the same rights, as those who make them suffer. To believe that we live in a civilised society that is clearly chaotic, cruel and cannibalistic is both, naïve and irresponsible; truly two characteristics that do not match the idea of being a man. It's perhaps time that men lose their fear to ask for help and find other men and resources that point in the right direction towards a more conscious and equal society. 

Patriarchy is falling to pieces, it's now everyone's turn to choose who's falling with it. 


The following blog post provides information where someone may begin. 

The book 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon. Dealing with dynamics and a detailed exploration of the twin flame relationship, the content is exclusive to the book and cannot be found on this blog. 

For soul readings, visit this link. or contact me directly 

Seeking and Finding Your Twin Flame.

The search for the twin flame seems to be one of the main objectives for a large number of people. In order to understand this popular figure, who seemingly has acquired the status of indispensable in order to enjoy a loving and fulfilling life and relationship, there are several blog posts, which explain the process, as well as a book that shares all the necessary information to reach what many people believe to be a stage of completeness. Completeness with or through another person.

The decision to write about twin flames came after realising the general misunderstanding  of the subject; a fact that became obvious through multiple correspondence with readers, even before giving it written attention. It was never meant to be a major theme in this blog, nor had I the intention to write a book, which came to life due to reader's demands. 

The original intention, and one which remains, was to share concepts, tools, processes and experiences that could contribute to the healing and personal development of individuals and the collective. With this is mind, a large number of blogs posts were written on the importance of themes like truth, kindness, trauma, sacred sex or vulnerability to name a few. Since then, more than hundred and fifty titles have been shared with the public.

What's become obvious during this period is that a large number of readers focus their attention on twin flames' posts, while other articles that are perhaps more important remain ignored. At this point, it could be argued that people are free to choose the subject they're interested in, while disregarding the rest. 

Finding the right partner is wonderful. No one should settle for less than what they want. However, the popular obsession with meeting the twin flame causes to neglect looking deeper into one's own healing process. The trend shows the belief that love and happiness is only possible with another person. Not only this, in this case it has to be specifically the twin flame.

First, there's no guarantee that anyone will meet their twin flame in this lifetime. In many cases, the only guarantee that people have is that a 'psychic' said that they will. This is a poorly option for a guarantee, especially after paying for the information. Often, the twin flame is identified in a person who's already in another relationship, someone they might have an affair with or feeling a deep connection, creating further frustration and a more frustrating sense of worthlessness. Furthermore, it reinforces the belief of worthlessness, lack or being not enough, as the figure of the twin flame becomes unattainable. 

Let's not forget that the power of auto-suggestion is so high that we can convince ourselves of anything. It's a fact that we see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. Without going into the self-critic mode, everyone has experiences of focusing their attention on something or someone, to later on realise that we might have been wrong in placing all our efforts on such targets. Any obsession can make us blind to the rest life can offer. When or if the obsession lingers through a long period in time, the result is the ignorance of not seeing or the unwillingness to see. 

At the same time, other important aspects in the healing process are abandoned. A large number of current relationships are simply mismatches born out of loneliness. There are steps in the inner journey that individuals have to go through alone. Call it loneliness, call it solitude; this is a period in which someone learns not only to provide for themselves while single not only the material, but the emotional and spiritual, creating also an intimate bond with the self in which they merge with abstracts such as trust, truth, etc. 

The purpose of the inner journey is to get to know the real self through reinforcing confidence, opening to trust, showing strength through vulnerability or to remain loving despite of lack or adversity, creating a new feeling based on knowing; to remember those qualities and gifts we once buried deep in order to protect the most beautiful parts of the self from a cannibalistic society.

Try and meet the twin flame or any other lover or relationship without trust, without truth, not knowing how powerful vulnerability can be in the inner journey. As per vulnerability, paradoxical as it is, there's a great misunderstanding of how powerful it can be. Popular belief says that it makes people weak, when in reality it does the opposite. The purpose is to be vulnerable and still remain loving, while experiencing perhaps a cocktail of buried emotions, such as jealousy, pride, envy or wrath, none of which belong to the real self.  

Being vulnerable allows to form healthy boundaries. Being hard only serves to create inflexible walls that thicken the bars around personal prisons and neurosis. It's the result of having lived for centuries in patriarchal society under the false belief that only the strongest survive. It's the most adaptable, not the strongest.

The idea of meeting the twin flame, the connection, the magic that comes with it, the fireworks that go along with might bring a satisfying view of a future with a new lover, but it's precisely the image of the horizon dreamed in a ecstasy of togetherness and the happily ever after what causes the blindness. 

There's much of the Disney fairy tale in the search of the twin flame. Would readers be interested in a blog post on the reality of fairy tales without the Disney imagery and how it relates to present reality or how it would help in the journey of the hero? Probably not.

This blindness is the unwillingness to explore other territories, which are essential in the inner journey in order to reach the promised land. The objective is to arrive at a better understanding of the self in relationships. It's essential to recognise one's own trauma, and not only understand how it has affected us, but how it contributed to the creation of character and personality, so as to see how we function on the world. 

Making the unconscious conscious allows to recognise what beliefs and ideas have led us to create inflexible patterns of behaviour and the relationships we have with ourselves and the world. 

It's necessary to learn how patriarchal society has affected each individual, both men and women, in order to begin to remove wrong beliefs with the purpose to find inner peace. So far, the world has touched the surface, but it's distracted by entertainment. While I agree and encourage the in the inner journey one has fun, not all fun is entertainment. It can be appreciated in the new age movement and the language that it has developed in which everything is love and light or positive thinking, which without clear methods only delivers 'enlightened' messages, but neglects to identify or treat or heal trauma. While dancing, singing and positive thinking may attract other loving and positive energies to entertain the occasion, it fails to reach the hidden gifts within the human being, as it remains based on the belief system of the Christian tradition. 

A clear example that illustrates this point and for which no ignorance is ignorant enough to allow any individual to face a twin flame or any other type of lover, is that at the first sign of love, the inner child appears again. Knowing which processes and/or understanding how life experiences affects us is indispensable to build a strong and healthy relationship. Once love appears, the child wakes up, and with it, vulnerability inevitably follows. During the honeymoon period one doesn't have to be concerned about these issues, but one of the reasons the honeymoon might turn to hell, lack of interest or apathy is due to people's tendency to return to the same patterns and habits of fear and indoctrination. 

It's essential to know what triggers you in order to avoid the same destructive patterns in relationships.

One could consider that their habits and patterns of behaviour are not that bad after all, that we're intrinsically good people. No one wants to think otherwise. But if this is the case, why is it that the loving actions of people can cause so much hurt in others? From parents, to siblings to friends to lovers, everyone has experienced someone's cannibalistic, with the consequent wound or trauma. 

While I've written extensively on relationships and will continue doing so, the purpose of this blog has always been the processes of the inner journey. It just happens that relationships are perfect platforms to explore the inner journey. The journey of the hero, as it's classically called, might be filled with darkness and painful times, but it's also one of self-discovery in which the possibility to meet the twin flame exists. However hard or difficult it might be, self-discovery making issues conscious makes life easier. 

Ignoring the unconscious doesn't mean that the trauma is not there, nor makes the problem go away. Not to mention what happens at the time of meeting a new lover who's already deep in the inner journey, what can result into an authentic savage experience that would likely end in separation, to leave us alone once again with a trauma that it's now visible. 

This blog post is not to discourage, nor to point out what anyone should do, but to encourage others to take the plunge into the inner journey and follow the necessary steps as they see appropriate. After all, everyone's inner journey is unique. 

The truth is that conformism and apathy plague humanity. 

In addition, the downfall in the search for the twin flame is that he or she could well be a friend of the same sex, a family member or someone who nevers appears, as people might be seeking from the comfort of their living room in their day dreams. This amounts to a life wasted in hope of a dream that has more to do with popular culture than reality. Another negative aspect of this may be that people may live an unfulfilled and unexplored life waiting for someone to arrive to safe the day. One the twin flame appears, each issue that has been ignore surfaces revealing the best and the worst in someone's personality. The problem with this is that there's no place to escape to other than ending the relationship. Say goodbye to the comfort zone in their presence. 

It is in the study and self-discovery of intimacy or how patriarchal society imposed a set of neurotic beliefs in both the individual and the collective, that help people to evolve. The more evolved people are, the more attractive they become to others, growing in confidence, knowledge and wisdom, while removing beliefs and patterns of behaviour that they might see as obstacle towards self-realisation. As we evolve, grow in knowledge and wisdom, we become more acceptance of what is, gain in presence enjoy more the present moment and perhaps realise that twin flame or not, a wonderful love story with them is also possible. I cannot think of a worse or better excuse to never love or allow ourselves to love than waiting for the twin flame to appear. 

The book 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon.

For soul readings visit this other page.

More on twin flames: 'Twin Flames: A Love Affair.'

Sacred Sex: The Growth In Sexual Energy.

There are numerous references to sexual energy and the power that it contains for personal growth, although they rarely are followed by stories that illustrate the transformative power within such energy. This is one of those stories. In every story there's a moment in which anyone can break from the past, so as to begin to write one more in accordance with the limitless possibilities of the human being.

The life we lead is determined by the choices we make. What matters is what we do, and how we conduct ourselves once we dare to make the choice that serves as a diversion from the usual responses and reactions. From then own, it´s the unknown; a space in which we can begin to get to know who we really are. 

Years ago I met a woman who later on insisted in visiting me. Let´s call her Sarah. After several conversations I agreed to meet her again, despite the fact she had not let go of a toxic relationship or at least the idea of it, for which she had too many questions that have no answers. In any relationship, knowing how to be present dissolves any toxic element that people might carry in their luggage, as if it never existed, therefore, I didn't see a problem there, nor I see it now. When the present takes over, past and future dissolve. It's as logical wanting to find answers, as to realise that at times we don't need them, that we do not need to understand everything. Why people do what they do, why they leave relationships without apparent reason hardly helps in the process of healing and self-knowledge.

We fell in love as soon as we saw each other again at the train station early in the evening.  We both knew this was coming. After leaving her luggage, -both material and emotional-, we headed to a wonderful restaurant with a male client I was working with at the time. This client had difficulties engaging with women, so I felt that it would be ideal for him to have a conversation with a woman in such an intimate environment. And it did!

Back home, intimacy created the loving atmosphere that the presence of another person didn't allow at the restaurant, even though the subtlety of it was obvious. The choice of a public place and the presence of a third person, as well as other people in the restaurant only encouraged between us the playfulness and complicity required for intimacy to grow; to learn to wait while enjoying the present moment. Then came the first dance, the first touch, the first kiss. 

There was neither need, nor rush for more than this, but when I got back to my room she was already naked. I had provided a different bedroom for her. Choices! As I like to sleep on the floor, my bedroom was the only one without a bed. Definitely not an environment that invited to further explore physicality, nor sex. What happened next was a long, long preambule that later on and very naturally would turn to sex. 

Foreplay extended for a long period. When she suggested that it was time, that she wanted me, I climbed on top of her. Penetration was the next obvious movement. Even though she was willing, her body rejected the idea, at which point she told me, -apologising for it- that she wasn't dilated enough. I looked her in the eyes, lingering for a minute or so on top of her and said: "I'm going to fuck you anyway." Yes, I said that, while smiling mischievously. Sarah didn't react to my words. Both her eyes and body language surrendered, accepting that I could do anything I wanted. After all, I was a man on top on a naked woman who had put a lot of emphasis and energy into getting to this moment and took her clothes off without even asking, so why not go for it? 

I laid down next to her, stopping her attempt to apologise. No one should feel obliged to apologise when they're not ready to engage in a sexual act. When one of the partners is not ready, neither is the other one. Trying to build a relationship from a sexual act when it's not the right time destroys any further efforts to create a healthy intimate space between two people, especially if this is, as it would had been in this case, a 'forced' act. It's the lack of patience, empathy, synergy between two people, but above all; respect for the other person. 

Sex is the last step in a relationship. Allowing it to grow organically until both people are truly ready is essential and makes it special, but this requires all elements that are introduced in the relationship when both overcome the urgency of immediacy. What it might seem a lost opportunity now, could turn up to be the seed for something greater at a later stage. It's necessary to understand that what it might appear to be a loss, it's in many cases a gain for those who dare to enter the unknown. 

The unknown is always present. 

Perhaps to mention also, that Sarah is a very attractive woman, what to the male psyche might suggest that resisting the temptation is more of an effort. Not quite! Sarah is above all, a person, and that even though she might have not expressed herself adequately, she did say that she wasn't ready. We hear what we want to hear. We see what we want to see. Then we usually do what we please. I heard NO!

In retrospective, had I gone for it, it would have been rape, although I doubt she would have taken it as such. As mentioned earlier, the first stage I like to engage with in a relationship is intimacy for obvious reasons. It takes time to get to know a person, to establish a friendships through playfulness, trust, respect or understanding of someone's needs. In most relationships, sex has already killed the opportunity of intimacy. Humanity has lost the ability to play, as if adults had never been children, and while in all adult seriousness we fuck one's own loneliness away in any sexual act that takes our fancy, we believe that we're the greatest lovers, while wondering why relations go inevitably down the hill at the first set back.

It's perhaps appropriate to mention that during dinner, Sarah had expressed her desire to explore freedom during our time together. It's a norm in relationships to refuse to act as a practitioner, as I'd do with a client, as this puts me in the place of a therapist, -it might even invite the perception of superiority- creating an unequal position, and perhaps thwarting any possibility to bond. 

It's not the same to do shadow work with a partner, being this a mutual effort, than to become their teacher. Gestalt techniques have a powerful effect in people's transformation. Agreeing to help someone in a relationship under these parameters is almost like buying them a one way ticket to elsewhere. The sound of freedom sounded good to me, so I didn't hesitate to comply with her wishes. 

By asking to experience and know freedom, I couldn't ask anything from her, nor could I take anything she didn't want to give. Freedom is an essential element in any relationship, as it's when people feel free that they give the best of themselves when they feel like it. Nothing is rushed. No one is manipulated. If people do not show at their best in any type of relationships, it's due to the lack of it. In The difference between this relationship and any other is that in this one it was asked from the beginning. Sad to have to state the obvious.

At the same time, someone who already feels free would be able to show their best at all times. 

The following days we had breakfast in local cafés, long walks and played all day long while getting to know each other. Laughter was present throughout. During this time our conversations dealt with traumas and the long lasting effects that they may have on people, relationships, issues that may appear and the creation of character and personality but above all; love.

I don't do anything without a deliberate intention in order to see beyond what might seem obvious. Knowing that Sarah had come out of a relationship where she had been merely the receptacle of someone's lust, I wanted to know her position on this and her understanding of intimate and sexual conduct within relationships, reason for which I said what I said. It was clearly then, that sex was not a space in which she felt neither free, nor comfortable, despite her predisposition to give it. 

During one of our walks I asked her, what would have happened if I had carried out my threat. Her answer was that she would have lost all respect for me, as would have I. "Why did you get so aroused then?" I asked. She then realised that she indeed got excited about the possibility of being submitted when this was clearly not what she wanted. She asked if I knew the answer, but the arousal before the possibility of sexual submission is evidently an issue that had to be explored, although the reason was clear, and it relates to sexual healing, which is a subject that deserves a separate blog post. 

By the third day our understanding of each other and the synergy that we had created was so high that reality began to take a different turn. While we walked holding hands through a busy commercial road she noticed that no one could see us, that we were somehow invisible to others. No one looked at us, not even when I tried to call people's attention in order to illustrate this fact. This can be explained from the perspective that all the energy created helped to raise consciousness naturally, as if we were in a way in a different dimension. By the time we reached home I asked her if she had noticed anyone not only looking at us, but engaging with us, an important aspect that she missed. The people who did indeed noticed and communicated with us from the first day had been society's rejects, the homeless, the mad ones. 

Previously that day we entered a castle that was closed to the public. So high were we on love and consciousness that we didn't see any restrictive signs, nor any of the numerous signs around the city that forbid life itself. Sarah also pointed out that the day seemed like five or six days together within one day. Time stretches when living in the moment, never giving the sensation that a day it's too long, as there's a feeling of elation that goes along with it. There was no need to eat, nor were we tired. During this week many of our playfulness involved sexual energy, which was highly arousing, tangible and easy to transmit from one to the other. Playing with the idea of sex and the palpable desire we continued getting to know each other, letting intimacy take its natural course. No rush for anything, just living and thriving in the moment. 

Most of the conversations related to love, art, writing, music, the possibilities to create something either together or separately, as well as other practical matters. The words we choose, and especially the conversations we have, determine how we feel; the state of being. Talk love, be love. 

It's not a secret that a large number of men, -not all- having been presented with the same opportunity to have sex even when the conditions were not suitable, would have gone for it without hesitation. There's still a great need for men to possess, control and feel power over women. It's the domination of the patriarch deeply embedded in the male psyche and for which there's no excuse. The patriarch is a system and an energy. How we respond to it is what defines us as men. Perhaps to repeat once again, that the action of one man reflects on every other man; that the consequences of certain actions are difficult, and sometimes impossible to heal.  

The day to see and feel freedom arrived. Sarah is a singer and a songwriter. Before our meeting she sent me a few of her recordings, to which I listened to with pleasure and attention. While I knew what song she should sing in order for her to reach the realisation of freedom, I couldn't point it out. It had to come from her, and it did without any suggestion from me. One of the benefits of Gestalt is that creates experiences in which people can see and feel what they're looking for. This is due to the energy being expansive, but also focused on the intention of people's requests, so as to work on the desired issues. 

As Sarah sang her song, she realised that she had already written in her own words the experience of freedom, and this was the theme of her music. It's neither rare, nor surprising that someone realises something they already have and know while using Gestalt techniques. This is not reduced to Sara. The whole of humanity seems unable to see themselves for who we are, and individuals keep seeking what they already have. 

So far there's been a lot of playfulness, conversations, walks and good times together. Sexual playfulness took a good part of this time, but it appeared when it did, naturally and without being pushed into any situation. For obvious reasons I'd omit more personal details. While this stage of enhanced consciousness is possible to reach by everyone without exception, it's necessary to point out that, first; I am a conduit for energy, what makes it easier to reach such states. Higher states of consciousness can be reached with the mind alone. Notice that during these days, we were not chasing money, material things, that we were not engaged in criticising the world or others, that we allowed love to be the sole theme even when dealing with practical matters. 

It's possible to discuss the effects that society and its apparatus have on individuals without vindictive impulses. 

It's also necessary to point out, that this is one experience between two people, one shared truth; that this is not the only way to reach what people want. Comparison or competition with everything that entails, such as envy, lust, anger and/or any other of the lower states of consciousness can never be steps towards happiness, nor love. 

The following post: Sacred Sex: The sexual Act, gives the account of what happened next. 

More on sacred sex:

Sacred Sex: Honouring Heart, Body, Soul and the Miracle of Love.

Sacred sex: Is the sex you have as safe as you think it is?