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When Family or Friends Sabotage Your Life Purpose.


Family and friends are the hardest people to please for obvious reasons. In their minds, and sometimes in their hearts, -not always- they've created high expectations for you to accomplish that might be hard or impossible to meet. The majority of people want safety and abundance for their loved ones, but this is not always the case. For this reason, the pressure that they can put on others can be overwhelming, as well as having devastating consequences on them. In order to force such goals, whether consciously or not, they'll resort to psychological manipulation. Guilt, shame or blame being the most common tools.  The urge to control someone might go as far as physical abuse. This phenomena is common among the spiritual community, but it's by no means exclusive to it. Someone might decide to pursue a career as healer or coach using their training and natural gifts, but they might also choose to become dancers, actors or simply travel the world, professions that not always provide a financial or physical safety net. 

Too often, family and friends interfere with someone's life purpose for several reasons, but the two that link them all are: fears of lack or scarcity and the inability to examine one's own emotions. If we all were capable of facing and processing our own demons and emotions, everyone would mind their own business without interfering in the lives of others.

A life mission can be clear from an early age or present itself in later years. The call has always been within. Whether someone remembers from the beginning or they experience a sudden awakening, this person has most likely gone through hard times to express and consolidate their identity from the moment of birth. Throughout, we'll meet, both, friends that support or won't truly understand our call. Not only this, they'll make a point of letting us know. Remaining true to the calling might be harder than one might wish. Whatever the reasons are, everything is an illusion.

Everyone has a call, a life mission.

Every day more and more people are awakening to the reality that this world is in need of more creative expression and new solutions that separate from the obsolete patriarchal agenda from both, the individual and the collective, as well as deeper connection with spirituality. When someone feels the call and follows accordingly, their inner compass would take them to separate and challenge the norm. Life can turn into a daily battle to remain true to their core. If you're not challenging the status quo, you're might not be connected to your life mission.

Understand spirituality as self-knowledge, the awareness of someone's passions, desires, beliefs and motives. No candles, nor incense required. 

The first challenges appear when children express a different language and vision that blatantly defies the status quo, usually embodied by parents. The vision and language of a child is usually connected to universal wisdom. Almost every child is born with such gift and connection. Children speak with love of the invisible. It's natural in parents to react alarmingly and as they're the first ones to deny the child's truth, they also create doubt. As there's no scientific evidence, nor a physical representation, the first reaction is to suppress a truth that no one, but the child can see or perceive. 

Most parents forgot they once were children.

In response the child tends to withdraw and seek refuge in silence. Not to speak their truth doesn't mean that they child conforms. Silence is the space in which the child analyses challenges, devising new forms of expression to put their word across. When a voice is suppressed, language and expression turns into action. The more one is suppressed, the more expansive and explosive this expression will be. Too soon and too often, these people are called the black sheep. Parents and families are also too quick to tag the child in a futile attempt to control and manipulate them. 

Tagging someone as a the black sheep is an obvious sign of neglect. Energies can be redirected, but first a parent must listen to and hear what their children want.

One of the saddest truths that devastate the world is the suppression of a child's voice in the name of love until they become and feel invisible. Undoubtedly most parents do their best to raise their children with what they know. Unfortunately most parents struggle to free their children from the moment of birth, claiming them as a possession, and in turn attempting to live their lives through their children. From this moment on, the child's life is no longer about them, but about what their parents want, never about what the child wants. The consequences of such upbringing vary according to individual. However, there are several that can clearly mark the course in someone's life. 

Loneliness

Loneliness can be experienced even before birth. In most cases, parents and relatives already have plans for a child before they're born without knowing who's going to turn up. A child hears in the womb. Parents and adults in general do not consider children people, but inexperienced lesser beings. The arrogance of the adult is to consider themselves experts on life. Arrogance has neither love nor freedom, and without both, life feels less of a life. As a result, adults talk about children and others as if there were not present, usually creating doubts and fear; a sign of true disconnection, as well as of self-importance. The fact that people in general miss, is that children are born with love and freedom. Besides practical matters, there's nothing we can teach children, and there's a lot that adults could learn from them. 

Loneliness comes from not being heard, not being acknowledged and not being seen. In the name of love and life experience, adults suppress children with worldly, mundane wisdom, trying to teach what they know and what they don't know. It's rare for a parent to admit that they don't know better; that they're still looking for answers.

From here on, an individual feels misunderstood, withdrawing deeper into silence, while at the same time they could be the loudest. The main reason people talk so much, even too much is because they've never been heard, nor understood. Pay attention to the silent people, for in their silence they learn to understand themselves, as well as preserving the innate connection to universal love and wisdom. 

Time and again.

There will be at least one person in the family heavily invested in creating a cloud of neurosis about someone who's relentlessly following their life mission. The reasons are numerous, but the intention is always the same. For this purpose, they create and spread lies that other people believe without questioning. Even when others are aware of the lie, as time always honours truth, the damage has already being done. The attacks will continue happening throughout life in the same form of manipulation. Character assassination is a narcissist's favourite way to create neurosis, so as to weaken and control others. 

This article on sabotaging relationships offers guidance on this subject.

The good news on your high calling.

A high call is an unstoppable force that cannot be defeated by lies, nor manipulation. There is a point in life in which a person has to recognise that as a child, one might have felt undermined, ridiculed, punished, suppressed or silenced in the most abject ways, but that the moment to embrace one's true calling by embodying the true self is a personal choice. You don't need permission from anyone to be yourself or to do what you're here to do. The demons of childhood are not as scary as they used to be, when looked at from the emotional maturity of an adult, and with the eyes of the child. 

One of the obstacles to overcome is that when someone lives with the feeling that they don't have control over their lives since childhood, they might continue identifying themselves as a victim, but not being aware of it. The more someone talks about how we've been treated in the past, the less energy and time is dedicated to personal growth or their inner call. It keeps the veil of illusion opaque and standing between the truth and the lie. 

Keep your high calling humble. Having been gifted with talents or with other attributes that other might not have, but that undoubtedly if put to the service of others, would benefit you and the world, are meant to complement and support the collective. Without the assistance of others throughout, even those who might have mistreated you, you wouldn't be here ready to make a difference. At some point, you will also have to find the courage to ask for forgiveness to the people you've wrong, as well as to forgive yourself. That will keep you humble. That, and to remember that everyone has a life purpose. One is not more important than the other. If the collective is failing to find healthy solutions is due to the fact that individuals are too absorbed looking at our own reflections in the water. 

The trap. 

There's a time in which parents, friends and family realise that they might have been mistaken. Truth cannot be hidden forever. Shame and guilt inevitably falls upon them. It's a crucial moment in which someone takes responsibility for their actions, or continue with the drama and manipulation. Accepting truth is a difficult step for most people, as it means that they might have been making the same mistake for years. Again, the inability to process emotions makes it easier to continue blaming someone else, refusing to take any responsibility. Some people can't just admit that they're wrong. 

An apology cannot forced. People need to gather the courage to do so, and that takes time; sometimes a lifetime. A life mission can be accomplished without that apology. 

They might appear confident in their comfort zone, constantly throwing harmful arrows at the self-esteem of others, but deep within, they suffer the most. Energetically, avoiding truth is one of the most violent stances one can adopt, as such negative energies keep accumulating within their body. An irate attack on someone might give the impression of relief, but this is a momentary illusion. Fear grows within, further separating that person from their core. 

As these attacks come from loved ones, the lie and defamation hurts. We don't embrace truth for the sake of others, but to increase the sense of personal freedom and love. Family and friends time and again, despite arguments and endless disputes seeking the truth tend to move in the opposite direction in a futile attempt to confirm and validate their truths about others. 

A way out. 

At some point we have to free ourselves from the web of lies, which ironically we keep validating with actions, believing and adopting the limitations that have been imposed on us. The repetition of a lie turns into the noise of the world. The longer and harder we try to fight it, the louder we hear it from others. From then on, we keep meeting mirrors that reflect our insecurities. There are too many people out there thriving on the belief that in order to feel powerful they must put others down, and they won't have any problem in perpetuating such lies. But only a fool would believe their own lies.

While it's good to release energies and frustrations talking to others, the common mistake most people make is to try to be heard or acknowledged by the people who inflicted the pain in the first place. This might never happen. Recently I published a blog post on listening to others in order to assist them in their healing, with didn't get much response from the public, which in turn shows that the world is in much need to talk, but listening is something that others do. 

The answer to this is simple in principle, but one of utmost difficulty in practice. It begins with the way we talk to ourselves. Inner conversations that no one listens to, but ourselves, repeating again and again what we couldn't when we had the opportunity, only creates more discomfort, strengthening the web of lies. At this point, we're the ones nurturing and feeding such energy. We have to be careful with the words, thoughts and ideas we create, especially during inner conversations, as we are emitting, but are also the only receivers. It's a vicious circle. 

It's important to change the language we use. This is also a simple process, but too long to detail in this article. Language creates spells.

Everyone knows their own truth. Do more of that. Do not fall in the trap of trying to prove everyone else wrong, to show them who you are once you're successful. You'll never be successful with this frame of mind, as it comes from resentment and possibly a deep desire for revenge. 

Focus your energy, time and efforts on doing more of who you are, to improve yourself, and dedicate your life to what you're really good at. If you're a writer, write; if a dancer, dance. Do everything and whatever it takes that makes you come alive and experience a sense of personal freedom without the oppression of what you've been told. What matters is what you say about yourself. There's no better way to speak up than actions. Dance, write, laugh, play free from limitations imposed by the past. 

Expansion only takes one step further, one step that you've most likely have not yet allowed yourself to give because you're still functioning under the premise that you need the permission of those who tormented you. 

If in need to talk about your trauma, seek expert support. A friend, provided that they know how to listen would suffice, but when trauma is deep, hiring a professional might be more appropriate for best results. In my therapeutic practice with clients I find that listening is one of the most powerful tools for healing, as they already have the answers, but often they're not aware of it. Pointing out to them brings wonderful realisations, release of energies and relief. Listening allows to understand and interpret what the speaker might not be able to hear. 

If the conversation continues being the same and constantly coming from the same source, at one point one must consider to cut off the relationship, whether this is with parents, family or friends. Often the most powerful voice is distance, silence and absence. When the target is out of reach, these people don't know what to do with themselves. Let them throw character assassinations from the narcissistic pedestals and curse at their TV sets. Let them curse, but do not forget that they probably did and gave you their best, and that even though they might be following the same patterns and habits, everything they're doing is a call for love. 

Your path is everything that serves your purpose. Anything that doesn't serve this purpose also deserves the same treatment, a loving and kind farewell. The answers to your life mission are in that book you've never written, those tables you never built, that class you never took. Everything else is the noise of the world. Who are you listening to?

You're one leap of faith away from everything you want. We either invest in ourselves or keep contributing to the unhealthy ways of the world. A life purpose is more powerful when supported and driven by love. This you already know. These are just words that may serve as guidance, but what's really important is that you listen to yourself and follow your heart.


The book 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon.

For soul readings visit this other page.

How Your Partner Could Be Sabotaging The Relationship And Controlling You.



Not every person beginning a relationship is ready for it, as not everyone does it in loveWhatever the reasons may be, the signs are visible from the beginning. Once the signs are identified, there are two possible responses to the situation. One, to face them immediately with the issues that arise, discuss it and propose a line of work to solve the problems that would undoubtedly create tension and heartbreakThe alternative to this is separation. The consequences of remaining in a relationship with someone that's deliberately sabotaging it can be devastating. The longer someone remains, the deeper and more hurtful the heartbreak. Someone is not ready to commit to a relationship, however young or inexperienced they might be, they'd be masters in the art of sabotage. 

Never underestimate someone's ability to sabotage love, nor the irreparable damage that they can cause. 

Many people drag someone into a relationship in order to avoid loneliness. For them, it's better to be with just anyone, rather than to face life alone. It gives them a sense of false safety and a boost to their self-esteem that they can't get by themselves. It's unfortunate that in the mind of many people, being in a relationship is also associated to status or that someone is not enough or lovable while single. We're enough whether we're in a relationship or single. Thinking that a relationship make us complete may have its origins in childhood and probably comes from parents.

Fear of love or fear of intimacy are two other reasons why someone would definitely not be ready. When the issue is fear of love or intimacy it's possible that they feel and are indeed in love, -not necessarily,- but this would not prevent them from sabotaging the relationship, nor their imperative need to control their partner. In this case, their motives would be mostly unconscious, which doesn't make the experience less excruciating. 

The most cynical begin meaningless relationships already in the knowing that it that it has no future. These are temporary relationships that serve to buy time until the right person appears. In their minds there's the image of the perfect lover, and would drop their partners like a sack of bricks without notice, although they would have already expressed their discontent in the relationship. These type of partner is easy to recognise, as they'll constantly talk about their attraction to other men or women. Often this is expressed with comments or infatuation for famous people. The fact that a celebrity might not be available, it doesn't make it safe to be in a relationship.

Lust also serves to establish a large number of relationships, if only for a while. In lust, one learns to pretend that they're in love. The relationship will last for as long as infatuation or physical attraction does. The relationship would probably be passionate and intense. If lust is the determining factor, in time they will find a substitute.

In all cases, these people are driven by a strong narcissistic streak with complete disregard for the feelings of others. Their arrogance, disguised in a rhetoric of confidence is both, blatantly obvious and insulting. Perhaps the worst feeling comes from learning that their sudden confidence and arrogance is built on the love, kindness and attention they receive from you. 

When someone is limited by fear of love or intimacy, it's likely that they're also experiencing fear of abandonment. In this case, it's possible that love is a strong element in the relationship, and while they're loving and caring, and your feelings are also important to them, your partners inability to deal with their own feelings and emotions would lead them to sabotage the relationship from the beginning. It's also possible that during this relationship you feel most loved and taken care of, interrupted by sudden episodes of neglect that do not make sense, and even talks or threats of ending it for no apparent reason. This type of lover, whether male or female would have terrible problems in dealing with and understanding their own emotions. 

In the book 'Reuniting With The Twin Flame' there's an extensive account on understanding the dynamics in relationships, including the issues described and why some reactions or the end of the relationship might occur for no logical reason and what steps one can take in order to solve these issues.

The first signs are likely to appear even before the relationship begins. They'd state that they're not really interested in a relationship per se, that they don't want a relationship with you or would flag the latest polyamory fad so common these days, so as not to commit to one person only. At the same time they'll contradict their statements, seeking your attention and spending time in your company because the truth is, that they're interest. Admitting that they're interested would put them in a weaker position, whereas creating the illusion of rejection plays with the confidence and self-esteem of others, prompting more interest in their persona. Keeping you on your toes by creating a relationship where you feel unstable gives them a sense of power, and in which someone finds themselves constantly chasing their lover. By biting the bait  one enters a relationship in which their partner will push all their buttons in order to gain power and have control. 

Controlling partners use all sort of arguments and forceful truths to challenge the character and personality of their lovers. Often their only argument is a harshly expressed opinion lacking in reasoning or truth-base to put down someone's beliefs and feelings, while refusing to accept their partner's personal opinions. They might be dismissive of a lifetime passion for this purpose, thus becoming unsupportive, what in turn creates a sense of loneliness, being neither heard, nor understood.

Making a partner jealous by talking and giving a detailed account of past relationships or keeping past lovers close as 'friends' is used as a warning sign to say that you're not the only one. At the same time, they'll be overly friendly with people who shows them affection and attention. They'd let their partners know of all possible suitors, so as to express how fortunate they're being the chosen one, while at the same time opening up to the possibility to start a relationship with someone else if they're dissatisfied. 

In social situations, they're likely to be friendly and joyful with others, but they'll be dismissive of or direct their anger at their partners for no reason. This is a way to exclude their partners, creating an energy around that is perceived by others and shows that there's something wrong with the relationship, which in turn would attract more suitors. They need for attention is endless and bottomless. Nothing or no one can satisfy them.

A toxic partner gets angry often, blaming their lovers when something doesn't go according to plan. A typical situation is when a couple has decided to go out or participate on an activity together. They'd leave all arrangements to their partners. In this case, the sabotage can come in many forms. Being late, even if it's only for five minutes will trigger them to unleash an over dramatic anger.

Anger and criticism would come easy for the most trivial things; wasting any ingredients while cooking, not cleaning something properly or eating too fast or too slow, while stating which is the right way to do everything. While these episodes might seem trivial and of small importance, such attitude works as a drop on someone's self-esteem and confidence. In time, their partners would be at their mercy. 

The reason why it's important to recognise the signs and tackle them from the beginning is that loss of self-esteem and confidence leads to people not being their most authentic self, while functioning on survival mood. Vital energy drops and so someone's ability to perform at a healthy and vibrant level. 

This part is not to be taken lightly, as when vital energy, self-esteem and confidence are low, a partner will then target character and personality. Anyone in this situation will not recognise themselves. The sense of loneliness while being around their partners would be overwhelming. Vital energy might return as one is alone, at which point one might regain some of most of their thirst for life and will to thrive. However, this will be met again and again with a partner's dismissal, as at this point, they've probably lost all respect for and belief in you. You're no longer the person they fell in love with, but a shadow, and of course, you'd be the one to blame for it. 

It doesn't take long for someone to feel weak and unattractive, at which point, they'd have no arguments left to convince their partners that being together is a good option, nor they'd have the energy to display their best qualities.

Behind doors this type of people will show their true colours, being sad, tense, depressed, , or angry, but this is a picture that only their partners will be able to see. On social occasions, they transform into butterflies, as if nothing happened, while you might continue absorbed by the last incident, dispute or criticism.

They'd also end the relationship for no reason, arguing that it's not going to work or that this is not what they were looking for. Everything is about them. Anything that remotely upsets them would be your fault and they'd surely let you know. Ending the relationship even if it's for a few hours gives me even more control, as their partner is using all their energy to bring back the relationship to a functioning level. There will be break ups and reconciliations again and again, until one of them finally sees the toxicity of the situation and decides to end.

With mild, but recurrent criticism on what someone values most, is easy to build a web of lies that can make someone lose their will to live. It's a slow character assassination. Views on criticism changes, as when their flaws are pointed out, they'd get most offended. 

It's essential to tackle all these problems at the early stages of the relationship, as if prolonged, this type of emotional battering can only lead to the end of the relationship or  to affect someone's mental health. Someone who's exposed to this kind of treatment within a relationship might find it difficult to function in the world once it's finished. Unknowingly, the relationship was a slow path to heartbreak, what makes someone feel devastated and disconnected from the self. The path to recovery after experiencing one of these relationships can be long and arduous, and in some cases, the effects might last a lifetime. 

Sabotaging the relationship and trying to control others is abuse, regardless of what others or the world may think of this person. 

Everyone has certain need for control, so as to establish some sort of safety within a relationship, but there are limits. This can be accomplished through dialogue and shadow work. While the portrait of the person described above can be viewed as awful, they might still be loving and caring people that are not aware of their traumas or what causes them to behave in such ways. 

Everyone has a preconceived idea of what relationships should be like, never considering the unknown element, which is their partner. Trying to create someone's perfect vision of a relationship without their partner's input is one sure way to remove freedom from the equation. Where there's no freedom, there's no love. 

It's important to treat these situations with love, kindness and compassion for both in order to establish a dialogue that creates a narrative that can be written by both partners. An aggressive approach that denounces certain types of behaviour would only lead one of the partners to close down or to leave the relationship. 

Relationships do take work and sacrifice, as well as love, but it's essential to remember, that it has to come from both partners. When only one of the partners makes sacrifices and uses all their energy to do the work, the relationship is imbalanced and would lead nowhere. Making sure of this is an act of self-love. However bleak this type of relationship might seem, if there's love and fun, it's always easier to overcome all these obstacles. One of the problems in dealing with issues within relationships and shadow work is that people do forget to have fun or to be creative. 

If you recognise these signs in a current relationship or a past one, do remember that your partner might be reacting to the trauma created by a past relationship. It's not about bringing them down, but understanding and love.

Related articles:

Running away from relationships: what happened next.

The problem with running away from relationships: shadow work



The book 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon.

For soul readings visit this page

Making Your Life And The World A Better Place



There are many people that at looking at the state of the world feel the unstoppable need to fix it or 'save' it. However well intended such impulse may be, 'saving the world' can be detrimental in most cases. Exhaustion is one of the symptoms that someone might not have the right approach. It's too common a belief among the spiritual community or the so-called awakened or conscious people. People feel called to save the world by any means necessary. In order to do so, people neglect the most important factor that could make their dream a reality: themselves. Eventually exhaustion and the feeling of scarcity consequently lead people to want to save themselves instead.

Focusing on external negativity can only increase a negative feeling within. The realisation of personal powerlessness follows. Personal flaws and limitations become visible, and at this point, what we're really looking for is to save ourselves. Whether we admit it or not, there's an expectation attached to the intention. A return wanted for our efforts. It's not possible to change anything while feeling negative or lacking clarity. Negativity can and has to be transformed with action. Let's begin at home. 

If you get exhausted because you're trying to save the world, it's because you're trying to save yourself.

The concept is paradoxical. No one is under any obligation to make the world a better place, while at the same time, everyone has the responsibility to leave it in a better state that they found it. Everyone also has a responsibility towards others, here and now. The latter is a concept that most people have yet to realise. Kindness costs nothing. Let's begin there.

What we do to others we do to ourselves. Change the order and we're left with; what we do to ourselves we do to others. Treating ourselves to a reality of lack, that's all we can offer: the lack of anything that's being experienced and felt. 

Good intentions alone don't suffice for this purpose. Usually, the less material means one has, the more they feel obliged to save the world, while the wealthier majority do nothing or little to promote changes that set solid basis to create a world that provides for everyone. 

With this in mind, people wanting to make a difference end leading lives of self-sacrifice, as well as being burdened by lack, which in turn only leads to resentment and to perceive more negativity from the world and others. One cannot stand alone on this mission to improve the world. The world doesn't need to be saved. We do.

If you believe that you made an agreement with the Universe to save the world before birth and that in order to do so you have to sacrifice everything and everyone, change that agreement now. Sign a new one that serves to improve your life and sign it today. Give yourself the permission to experience and feel such freedom. It's not a matter of turning your back on responsibility, but to be responsible for your own well-being and happiness.

The answers and solutions to this dichotomy come through community and unity. It's not for you to do it alone. The main problem is that as individuals we still have not understood that in unity we're stronger, and that only through it we can solve every issue that is not presented as impossible feats. Most people are still burdened by the belief of lack of abundance which translates in selfish attitudes to provide for themselves only. Even when we have nothing we can continue giving to ourselves, others and the world, but society has been built on the importance the material, making it increasingly more difficult to change this belief, as if owning nothing or little was who and what we are. 

The truth is that everyone is gifted in one way or another and that within everyone holds treasures that if shared with the world could make this world an extraordinary place to live in.

Your responsibility with the Universe and the world is to take care of yourself first, to build your life on healthy and abundant choices: physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually and psychologically. Without a solid base, the impact that one can have on the world is small. Living on a constant state of lack, one remains needy, constantly catching up. Not only causes resentment; it's an exhausting way to understand life. Lack is a belief, but so is abundance.

It's true that small, personal initiatives can and do improve the world and change lives. The examples are many. Anyone has the ability to transform the world, to have a great impact with their actions. But what's the point to sacrifice health, housing and even relationships in order to make this world a better place? It's everyone's responsibility, not only yours. It's essential to find a balance between what we give and what we take.

People who venture into such initiatives are extremely driven, persistent and do it from a place of knowing. This sense of knowing is essential, and if they're capable of carrying out such feats, it's because that feeling is permanent in them. Working from a sense of hope or believe helps, but might not be enough. They're also people with an incredible ability for sacrifice. It´s a leap of faith in which knowing is the only safety net. However, they sacrifice the unnecessary, not what's essential for their well-being and survival.

More than the lack of material means, what we lack is the permanent sense of knowing. The faith that comes with knowing is as real as the reality that we witness in the world. Perceptions changes when we look at the mirror within, for in its eyes faith, love and abundance always thrive.

Try and picture this: No personal comfort, sacrificing personal relationships, romantic or platonic, friendships, even family. Renouncing to a career, jobs, stable accommodation, money and even jeopardising health or personal safety, also on occasions risking your life or your freedom. In such cases, the actions are taken to a different level. The more we risk, the more we get. Sometimes the result is losing it all, but people who manage to live like this always get up again, dust the dirt from their backs and have another go at it.  

Try and imagine standing in the street alone having lost everything and knowing that everything is going to be OK. You don´t know how, but you know that your inner compass will take you there. It's not by luck that certain people always land on their feet; it's a matter of knowing. In knowing all the right circumstances would appear to get through whatever obstacles appear.

While we're preoccupied about the next meal or how to pay rent, it might be difficult, if not impossible to remain in a place of knowing unless this has been a way of living and one is used to it.

There's an element of needing to be liked and praised by others attached to such behaviour, as if by caring and doing, others will have a better opinion of us. Having been active for years on social media and interacting with thousands of people online and face to face, I know that this isn't always the case. No matter what we do, how well we do it or how good intentions may be, there's always going to be the one, and most likely several others that won't approve of what we do. More to it, they'll let us know, and not exactly in kind ways. It's their fear. Don't buy into it. If what you're doing brings you a sense of peace and well-being, continue doing so.

For as long as we depend on the validation of others, one is always going to second guess themselves. No one is ever good enough to satisfy the needs of everyone. People are too comfortable in their comfort zones. Anything new that may represent a slight challenge to their beliefs is a threat to them. As they have no defense, they attack. Proof that their comfort zone is flaky, lacking in conviction. What´s attacked is your pursuit of freedom, which ironically it´s viewed from self-built prisons. 

What's missing in most people is the ability to pause and question their beliefs. Society has reached a stage in which everyone is on a defensive mode in order to preserve the truth they've believed so far. It's not easy to change a belief, as it causes pain and suffering. It cannot be that the world is a mess and that everyone is doing the right thing at the same time. It doesn't make sense. People are facing constant challenges on their beliefs, as global energy changes towards a shift on consciousness, in which everyone is faced with old demons and truths they've suppressed for too long. People no longer know why they feel the way the feel or where these emotions come from, as they might not be aware that truth is an unstoppable force that would cause all sorts of mayhem until it's revealed. There's no place we can hide from the truth. The sooner we accept this and embrace who we really are, the sooner we'll achieve inner peace and then with the world.

When someone lives with a sense of knowing, there´s no need to go around proving others wrong.

Going out of our way trying to prove someone else wrong is indicative of having too much time in our hands to see, to judge and voice discontent, which may imply that they're not doing much with their lives. When we're fully engaged in our life purpose, it feels good and one simply doesn't have the time to go around seeing fault in others. We do more of what works and might help ourselves and others.

Most of the frustrations that we experience when making this world a better place is to witness that apathy and selfishness of others. It's important to remember that everyone is at a different level of consciousness and that even though people would benefit greatly from what we have to offer, personal development is tied to timing. No one learns a different way to live or behave before their time. Often people have to continue making the same mistakes time and again until they have enough of their own self-sabotage. 

Be a good person, but above all, be good to yourself. Improve your life and reach clarity. Negative opinions can't have an impact on you then. The point of this approach is to remove the insecurity that comes along with popular validation. Do what you do because it makes you feel great about yourself, not because you want to be liked.  

We lead by example. Use determination to make your life a better place, and as it improves gradually and naturally, see the world around you changing. Not just the world, but the quality of people around you. This is the challenge for everyone, to improve ourselves. Choose activities that make your life extraordinary, not forgetting the simple and basic aspects of it, such as finance, health, fitness, employment or friendships. It makes an incredible. We cannot make a difference on the world when we can´t make a difference in our lives.

No one can fix what might be missing in the world if they miss it in themselves.

Being liked by everyone should be the norm. Unfortunately it's not the prevalent currency in today's society. By seeking the acceptance of others at all costs, we lose authenticity, and the best of ourselves along the way becoming a puppet to other people's wishes. In order to preserve authenticity, one may want to get used to the idea of being disliked, and accept it. Like yourself instead by making your life a beautiful experience. Leading a life that makes you happy, you wouldn't have the time to feel the dislike from others. 

Silence is a powerful ally.

Remove all toxic people from your life. Remaining in toxic relationships only brings more of it. It stops growth, as well as having a greater negative impact than what it might seem when we're going through it. Staying in unhealthy relationships or situations is often a matter of convenience, however inconvenient they might be. Life is adventure and what you make of it. Live it to the full. Sad or not, it's a fact of life that we leave people behind. Sometimes, the sooner the better. 

Find activities and people who match your ideal of life, even if this means what it might feel like a long journey through the desert. For this, we explore, go to new places and open up to strangers that in time create friendships. Then and only then one has the opportunity to make a difference to the collective. It's said that "we become like the five people we spend the most time with". Who are you spending time with? and why?

Invest in yourself. Find the means to do so and pay for the best. The list of activities is endless. Whether you're interested in spirituality, personal development or not, there are numerous choices. Life in itself is personal development. Choose those that help you grow and become a better person. Some people may choose a retreat or a yoga class while others would prefer developing practical or technical skills. How you grow is always your choice. Learning to cook is as spiritual as attending a meditation class. 

In order to grow, one often needs to seek guidance from others. There are many professionals that can provide it. Money and costs are always a touching matter, especially among the 'spiritual' community, as money is still seen as a symbol of corruption and evil. Money has nothing to do with any human emotion. It's the belief and emotion attached to it, not to money. 

When seeking guidance, hire the people who tell you that growth it's possible or that don´t drag you with their services for the next ten years. Personal development takes time and one has to be patient, but reaching a healthy state of being doesn't have to last a lifetime. 

The way people spend money and for what purpose is fascinating. It's also a determinant factor in personal development and health. Some people wouldn't invest in their personal development arguing how costly or expensive it is, but won't hesitate to pay for overpriced pizza and beer every weekend. It's as important to consider the value of what we buy, as it is to look as its lasting effects. This is an important fact that's widely overlooked; that the way we spend money is closely associated with someone´s comfort zone. 

The way we receive money is also related to our comfort zone, which is most likely linked to personal beliefs and someone's upbringing. If the manifestation is scarcity this is due to the belief that poverty is an honourable place to be. It's not!

We do not invest in ourselves, because we have not been educated to love ourselves. Instead we choose pizza and beer, which might serve to feed immediate needs now, but which we might regret tomorrow. The problem is neither the pizza, nor the beer, but the belief and attitude that sets people on the survival mood that procures for that pizza and that beer so as to go on without further ambition for better days. There's a time for pizza and beer, as there's time for any other practice. 

Years ago I was presented with the opportunity to attend a retreat. As I didn't have the cash to pay for it then, the first reaction was to say no to it. "It's too expensive". I said. And it was expensive considering my finances then. Within a week intuition told me otherwise. It took me a second to change my mind and go for it. Not only by the end of the retreat I already had the money to pay for it, it was one of the best and wisest decisions I made in my life. By the end of a sequence of retreats the money was already in my bank account to pay for the next one. There were no many pizzas or beers, but there was growth and abundance. One added value and growth to my life, the other didn´t. It´s a choice.

Retreats, seminars or  self-development courses are no different from learning to play an instrument, a new skill, travelling for months to discover new places, people and cultures or acquiring different professional skills that enrich who we are. It applies to everything, from diet or clothing to any other purchase.

We are the choices we make.

The problem with wanting to save the world while we can't help ourselves is that makes life extremely uncomfortable, as the energy that is required to energise ourselves is usually wasted on ventures that lead nowhere. It's not that housing, a job or our finances might not be the best -we don't need the luxury-, but that we forgot and renounced to our dreams. The longer we choose to live an ordinary life instead of leading an extraordinary adventure, the stronger and more negative emotions are. An unexplored life inevitably leads to personal dissatisfaction, and eventually to the deepest regret. Time on earth is finite. Do it now.

Taking care of yourself doesn't have to stop different activities that help the collective. The latter should not be the priority, but an addition. 

There are many ways in which we can change the world or inspire others to do so, but it's not a must that comes before your needs. If you have a skill or a gift that serves this purpose, find a way to make it viable, turn it into a business even if it's only part time and get paid for it. If your skills or gifts only helps others, exhaustion, frustration and resentment will inevitably follow. 

We live in a world where money is necessary. If and when people approach you preaching down that your gift should be free, see how they live and if they follow suit. Most likely they don't. One truth that we have to accept when we want to 'save the world' is that in so many ways we're screaming our need to be saved. 


Everyone has a different perception of life and the world. Find those activities, people and places that make you happy and do more of that. It's an inevitable truth that in order to accomplish this, one has to come out of the comfort zone. It does take courage, but what it might be scary and uncomfortable for five seconds could well be the path to love, happiness and a wonderful existence. Forget what they told you, that you're not good enough or that you will never accomplish your dreams. Pay attention to who's talking and their intention. These statements usually come from people who left their dreams behind long ago or never managed to accomplish anything themselves. 

Putting pressure on yourself often derives from the belief that you're not good enough, and as result you use or waste all your energy trying to prove yourself.

Yes, this world needs fixing. Everything can, should or could be improved, but there's nothing that we have to do. All we need to do is be. Be the best version of ourselves, and when we get there, everything else follows. When we feel well, we procure healthy environments and the well-being of others. When we hurt, we hurt others, as well as the environment. 

Having said and written this, you may choose to ignore all of the above and do what your heart calls for. Just pay attention to your level of energy. Most often than not, what causes lack of energy is lack of action, not to follow your dream. Your dream contains the magic necessary to manifest the world you want and everyone needs. Don't let anyone to tell you otherwise, especially that little voice within that keeps reminding you that you're not enough. 

There´s a moment during childhood in which everyone has clarity. You might have forgotten, but it´s still within you. If you remember, follow your bliss and do it. 

If your life has been characterised by all or any of what's written above and you feel exhausted, it might be time to pause, rest and seek what energises you. This is how we improve or 'save' the world. Saying no as many times as needed is what leads to what we really want. Your responsibility is with yourself, then with others. The more you sing and dance and radiate vibrant energy, the more people you'd attract to your cause, to then see, that you are not alone.

The book 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon.

For soul readings visit this other page.

More on twin flames: 'Twin Flames: A Love Affair.'
 

A Response To Matt Damon's Polemic Different Levels Of Sexual Abuse.


Before the #metoo movement swept collective conscience like a storm, I had already written an article entitled ‘All Men Are The Same’ in which it was suggested that it's time for men to listen to the major outcry against sexual harassment against women, initially originated behind Hollywood’s screens, but that has been proven to be a problem everywhere else in the world. Today is perhaps necessary to give a step forward, not suggesting, but telling men to simply to say nothing at all. It seems that before someone experiences the amazing qualities of silence, one must first learn not to say anything. We don't always have to comment on everything to show our 'wisdom'. There's more wisdom in silence than there could ever be in words. 

Pay attention to the silent people.

When we give an opinion on something we don't know of; in this case due to lack of personal experience, we only contribute negatively to increase the noise of the world, which in turn stops the appropriate spaces in which people can explore their emotions freely and healthily. The noise of the world or the mindless contribution to it are passive, sometimes not so passive aggressive forms of expression that keep, not only the human being, but collective consciousness low. 

If you feel as you've never been neither heard, nor seen, that no one understand you, it is the same principle. Everyone has an expert opinion on your life before you speak. 

Stirring collective conscience might have not yet made much difference in some people, but it has certainly planted a seed for change.

The following article is a response to actor Matt Damon’s reply, who said "that there was “a difference between patting someone on the butt and rape or child molestation. Both of those behaviours need to be confronted and eradicated without question, but they shouldn’t be conflated.” 

His comment was followed by Minnie Driver’s response arguing that “men “simply cannot understand what abuse is like on a daily level” and should not therefore attempt to differentiate or explain sexual misconduct against women.

While it could be argued that it’s true to a certain degree that such behaviours may appear to be different types of abuse, what men and society in general cannot yet grasp is that the trauma suffered by a victim of any abuse, being this sexual, or any other kind cannot be in any way diminished by comparing it to another, which is supposedly more traumatic.

Trauma is not a competition. It’s time for everyone to take a step back, breathe deeply and hold a moment or a lifetime of silence while examining collective and personal conscience. Coincidentally, this article caught me writing a related blog post, which is a guideline on how to listen to trauma, in order to assist others in their healing process and which can be found below.

There cannot be a shift in consciousness, if conscience is not shifted before. It’s a necessary step.

Much work needs to be done, so as to change beliefs and behaviours that facilitate equality for all. A world without equality will never provide for all the necessary elements that contribute to create a thriving society that serves everyone’s needs. While everyone plays a different part in society, and some may consider themselves outsiders or against the system; everyone is society.

The fact that someone might believe that they’re above, morally superior to others or simply outsiders, is the loud representation, somehow histrionic and neurotic, of a narcissistic society in which almost everyone is crying out for attention and popularity.

Silence is an extraordinary source of wisdom and knowledge in which an individual can develop empathy, kindness, courage or love, to name a few of the qualities that so absent seem to be in this world. Qualities that otherwise everyone has, but which cannot be exercised, nor developed, for as long as, everyone insists on imposing their story. Your story is important and must be told in order to heal and develop, but there is a time and place for this and for everyone.

Diminishing someone’s trauma as Matt Damon did it’s a clear sign that men are not listening, but neither are a large number of women who take the same stand on this issue. In his case, this argument is even more aggravating, as due to fame and social status, he’s a role model to many to follow. Considering that most opinions and 'knowledge' are formed these days from what we hear from others, everyone could do with pausing and thinking of the consequences of their words before they speak, not just Matt Damon. Sexual abuse in its many different forms is a plague that affects women daily; a problem that society has not yet done anything to solve. Patriarchal society is a big bully that continues promoting this kind of behaviour by not proposing solutions such as education. It seems more important to learn how to pass an exam with knowledge that will never be used after school than to teach children or people what it means to be human.

Sexual abuse in children is also endemic. The cruelty and ignorance of the human being seems to have no limits. 

Patriarchy oppresses children, women and men in different ways, but it does oppress everyone. Denying its existence, as many men do, is simply a coping mechanism, which conveniently allows the continuance of rape culture.

Trauma affects everyone in different ways, and what it might not be perceived as traumatic by someone, it could and does represent a serious burden to someone else. It’s impossible to compare. Every trauma is important to whoever is dealing with it daily. 

Years ago, in a conversation with a friend with whom I became very close during a series of retreats, he told me that his trauma was small compared to mine, almost being apologetic for allowing such ‘trivial trauma’ to influence his life in the ways it did. My response then was the same that it is now: trauma affects the individual according to their experience. My trauma is not bigger or smaller than yours; just different. What it might appear to be trivial, hides depths not always perceived by the untrained eye, but that it can have terrible consequences to the person experiencing the trauma.

It would have been easy to accept that my experience was worse than his, due to the fact that it had more special effects, more violence, more physical, emotional and psychological pain. It would have certainly added drama to it, a sense of self-importance, as if traumas were intrinsic talents to a person. Removing the mine-is-bigger-than-yours-element helped to establish equality, and by doing so it was possible to create the synergy that allowed us to learn from and support each other; and in time, to build the trust and necessary common ground to give each other feedback.

In regards to sexual harassment, sexual assault or rape, the same principle applies. It’s not possible for anyone to establish how an incident affects a woman, nor the depth or consequences of it, as it is a unique personal experience. It is precisely someone’s experiences what determines the reach of the trauma and its consequences. No one knows what is like breaking a leg until it breaks. Some people have more resistance to pain than others, different age or are mentally stronger or weaker than others. The elements and circumstances are numerous, therefore, it is impossible to know unless it’s their own experience. The point is that every fracture is different, and so is every person.

There are two important facts that men are missing. One is that the actions of one man reflects on other men. Any incident involving sexual abuse on a woman is inevitably followed by a series of triggers that other men would have to face and deal with at some point in their relationships, as any woman who has gone through such an experience would have developed an array of reactions to them, which in most cases is represented as rejection, especially in intimate relationships.

Having to face or deal with the consequences mentioned above, doesn’t remotely resemble what a victim of sexual abuse has to go through. It takes a high level of maturity and emotional intelligence to be able to hold a space for a woman to feel safe again. In most cases, this would not happen overnight, for which reason men will face rejection numerous times. It’s hard for anyone to know how to deal with rejection, not to take it personally. In the majority of cases, a man is paying for another man’s mistakes and wrongdoings. Mistakes not being always mistakes, but deliberate actions. Rejection opens up more triggers, turning a loving relationship into a nightmare or even end it. Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect? Well, that!

The fact that men have to deal with the emotional, psychological or physical damage left behind is no reason to feel sorry for any man, but to begin to take responsibility, so as to set the parameters for a healthier, kinder and more loving society. You might have never been the perpetrator, but remaining silent or not taking action to correct certain types of male behaviour, somehow makes us all co-participants. 

It’s both, discouraging and infuriating to hear a woman resigned the world's current reality that she has not been raped, followed by a fearful silence in hope that it never happens, but accepting that it's a possibility. The threat is always there, and unconscious and psychopathic men to perpetrate such actions are everywhere. 

The second fact is that many men are moved by a sense of entitlement, especially in romantic relationships to push and go beyond these boundaries with the belief that they’re not like other men. In many instances, what happens behind doors in relationships equals rape or borders it, creating or adding to the trauma. If you do it, you are like those men. Believing something else is just another exhibit of narcissistic behaviour.

This sense of entitlement speaks of a boy that has not yet found the emotional maturity that makes him a man.

Matt Damon also compared allegations against Weinstein, Al Franken, Kevin Spacey and Louis CK. He commended Louis CK for his remorse, adding that he “couldn’t imagine that he would do those things again."

Such comment somehow removes culpability from Louis CK’s predatory behaviour, as well as further humiliating his victims. Admittance and remorse opens a space to change behaviour, but this type of comments has become part of our popular culture in a society that so far has not only not given credibility to victims of sexual abuse, but that has failed miserably to create the appropriate channels to eradicate these types of behaviour.

Victim shaming is also a living part of rape culture. 

As men, we cannot decide the degree of damage on a woman because we just don’t know what it feels like. The fact that we may think that we know only makes us a bunch of ignorant, opinionated narcissists. It's neither an original thought, nor a good analysis of the situation, but a defence mechanism to guilt by association, meaning that if you are a man, at any time you can be suspected of ill behaviour. It’s far too many the number of women who have been sexually abused in one way or another what leads to the fact, and it is a fact, that the number of perpetrators is larger than what we've been led to believe, as sexual harassment or rape is "something that happens to other people are committed by other people." It's never me, nor us. It's always the others. This ignorant belief can be applied to almost everything, creating a general apathy in taking responsibility to create a better self and consequently a better world.

During the last 30 years I've listened to the testimonies of sexual abuse of hundred of women, and I can say that sometimes all a woman needs is to find the space to be able to talk freely, without judgment.  

At some point, men, and people in general, have to realise that we have a responsibility towards others. Everyone, that is! Taking responsibility doesn’t mean that we are responsible for the actions of others, but that we show up in our own lives being the best version of ourselves. To achieve the best version of ourselves takes time and effort. It’s not a stage that can be reached by giving mindless opinions on subjects that we know nothing of.  

The road to recovery is often a solitary path. Let's not make it harder by making women, men or children feel that they've never been heard, that no one listened to them. 

This article is not to condemn Matt Damon's character, nor overall behaviour -it's understandable why he said what he said-, but to encourage others to reflect on the reality of the situation and the power that our opinions might have on others. As this was an isolated incident, not a campaign to teach others, it is and should be treated as such. Let's not be too quick to judge someone's entire life, character and behaviour for one opinion, one incident, one belief. Everyone is entitled to make mistakes, as we are to learn from them. 

Related articles:

Listening to, and assisting in healing trauma. 

The Beauty and Shame of the Female Body.




The book 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon.

For soul readings visit this other page.

More on twin flames: 'Twin Flames: A Love Affair.'