Many readers ask me about letting go perhaps expecting to be touched by a magic wand -not necessarily by me- so as to forget. Letting go can be a long process depending on their circumstances and there's not one way to it, although there are steps that everyone can take to get there. Letting go is never about forgetting, but remembering with love.
Most people ask how to let go after a break up, sometimes years after it happens, to immediately follow their request by a statement that they have no intention of doing so. There are several reasons for this. It could be heartbreak, longing or resentment. Intention and commitment are essential to obtain positive results. When the intention is to hold on onto the idea of what could have been, all the energy is be directed towards a past situation that cannot be changed.
It is a misuse of the imagination and an energy that could be used to create a new, more pleasant reality instead. How we use such energy determines who we are, creating the emotional landscapes in which we live. Often the will to let go is thwarted by an unconscious motive. They either have idealised the other person to the extent of creating a perpetual longing for what they lost, or they seek revenge.
Who we are is none of the above, but everyone experiences reality from their level of perception. Both longing and resentment are part of the human experience. We have to go through it until we understand and overcome such stages.
Popular music or how one listens to it could make heartbreak a much more painful experience, and even turn letting go into an impossible journey that never begins. Making a soundtrack of heartbreak, pain and suffering has a strong element of self-mythology, which is usually scripted by the ego or super-ego.
To illustrate this point I'd like to share the experience of a young man in his mid twenties, who's somehow still lingering on the heartbreak he suffered when he was only sixteen years old. For months I heard of his suffering, which eventually turned into his inability to talk to women after his 'girlfriend' of two days chose to be with a more decisive boy.
From that moment on, his choice of music had a clear direction towards a self-defeating narrative. Every song he listened to spoke of a man whose feelings, not only were never reciprocated by the woman he loved, but that saw her marrying a different man.
Ego's compilation of music becomes part of our identity; and such false portrait of identity, an anchor to life. In this particular case echoing within the message that one is not enough. One of the goals in the healing process is to transcend and detach from identity without renouncing to our origins.
From the human perspective, it is normal to listen to popular songs that carry a heartbreaking message. These songs capture in a few lines what most people feel but cannot express neither in words nor in any other form, so they become perfect vehicles to channel feelings and emotions, as well as a sense of being understood. No matter who we are, heartbreak is a universal feeling, hence it's no wonder that certain songs touch every heart.
Listening to this type of music does not have to be a negative experience. It is what each individual makes of the experience. Such music can be cathartic and have a positive effect on the healing process, as it stimulates feeling, which in turn is essential in order to overcome emotional blocks. Feeling allows the body to release unwanted energies that have been stored within from childhood.
The trap appears when for example we listen to songs like 'Someone like you' by Adele and someone turns it into a flag of their pain. Nothing to do with the song, but with individual perspectives and interpretation. There is beauty in pain, and this song, one of many encapsulates all elements required to touch a heart, broken or not. If this song or any other song symbolises heartbreak and longing, as well as bringing memories of the lost lover, it creates a memory, that produces more unwanted energy and only serves to interfere in the process of healing. Every time that the song of choice is played, the individual regresses to a previous emotional state with little or no healing properties at all. In a way, it could turn into a masochistic practice.
Listening to this type of music with a bottle of vodka and a bucket of ice cream certainly does not help.
All relationships are about learning and integrating those qualities that attracted us from the other person. Heartbreak is an incredible opportunity to integrate these elements once the they have disappeared from our lives. If there has truly been love in the relationship, one way to honour and heal is through nurturing the positive memories both people shared.
An example of a popular song that celebrates love instead of dwelling on heartbreak is: 'If I ever leave this world alive' by Flogging Molly, as it conveys a message of gratitude in appreciation for the time spent together. The amount of songs that help to create a healing and loving energy after heartbreak are endless, and it is our responsibility to create a brighter mosaic of our lives and past relationships.
It's never the music, but how we listen to it. There is music that heals the heart.
Letting go requires an act of unconditional love for the other person, and can never take place while being resentful or in grief. While it is understandable that there must be a grieving period, there's a point in which we move on, so as to create a better life. Letting go does not mean we don't care or we don't love. Letting go is not only an act of selfless love, but self-love also.
Finally, no matter whether there's been love or not, nor the circumstances of the break up, love is always the answer. If it's not selfless or unconditional, it is not love.
Everyone has a responsibility towards others, to help improve everyone's lives by sharing our gifts, talents and offer the best of us. What we give to others, we give to ourselves.This concept is not as widely spread as it could be in the current flow of greed that intends to satisfy individual wants only, in part promoted by the erroneous belief of scarcity in the world. We confuse what we need with what we want. Greed is an energy that is never satisfied.
Seeking satisfaction through external sources gives away the true power that each of us holds within.
There's enough abundance on earth to provide for the needs of everyone, only that our priorities do not seem to match with the necessary harmony that promotes a healthy balance that satisfies humanity's needs, as well as safekeeping the planet. This world does not need another superfluous item. Our true crisis is spiritual.
I am a firm advocate in the belief that we have a responsibility towards others. However, this concept has to be read and understood wisely. One's own wisdom must be applied, so as to make sure that helping others does not become an obstacle towards our personal growth. First we have a responsibility towards ourselves.
We have to be selective for obvious reasons. While helping others is a responsibility, as this is the natural tendency of the higher self, it is also a voluntary decision. We do not have to do anything for anyone unless we want to. First we must provide for our own needs.
If helping someone means that we have to sacrifice something that it is essential to us, we must consider if the actions that follow create a healthy interaction with positive results for those involved. Sometimes what's essential to us is as simple as time and energy; others just one smile suffices.
The ideal interaction is that which offers an exchange of some sort benefiting everyone. Any situation that does not provide the best outcome for all parts creates an imbalance. This is clearly not the case, especially online, where people constantly ask for help offering nothing in return. It is also true that not everyone is in a position to help or even to offer anything to others. Perhaps if you're interested in helping others, you could allocate a limited amount of time to those who cannot reciprocate or return the favour. Finding a vehicle like this blog allows to share information with thousands of people.
Anyone committed to helping others must first find their own way to do so. It is essential to realise that one person cannot help everyone and be at peace with this knowledge. People will keep suffering without your help or contribution.
It is also important to know if the person asking for help is truly committed to change and do their work. Unfortunately many people are not truly committed. They might simply be seeking attention or use others as a past time.
Whatever reasons people might have to ask for help, it is not to be judged. The task of the the helper is to decide whether to help them or not. There are many reasons why people ask for help and everyone asks from their level of awareness. Not everyone is at the same level, and everyone needs and deserves help and recognition.
The reason why commitment is important is too obvious. The time allocated to someone who will do nothing with the time and energy invested in them could have been used to help someone else also in need and that is willing to do their work. Seeing how our time and effort is used unproductively will surely lead to exhaustion. Most healers burn out after a period. They know they can help. They know how to do the work and inspire others, but receive little or no benefit for their efforts.
To be burn out due to helping others can lead to exhaustion, resentment, regret and even to have a negative influence in our perception of the world and others. If helping others doesn't help you, it means that something is not working and action must be taken to turn this into a positive. Sometimes good intentions are not enough, especially when they serve the selfish needs of others.
While it is important to be committed to helping others, it is of no use to anyone if healers render themselves useless due to overdoing it.
Back to the notion that we have a responsibility towards others, when asking help from others, we do acquire this responsibility. The ideal scenario is that helps keeps moving forward and spreading to others, not only to one person. Seeing how help ends with one person to satisfy their immediate needs and with no willingness to spread the message or the same actions does not serve the purpose. The energy of helping others is one that must keep moving and reach as many as possible. The responsibility is for everyone, not only a few.
Helping others is also a learning process. Along the way we must learn to recognise those who ask constantly, almost daily and those who truly need and have to intention to make good use of our time and energy.
Finally, this blog post is neither to discourage anyone helping others, not to prevent anyone asking for help, but to create awareness that time, energy and resources must be use wisely by everyone involved in such interactions. Sometimes the best help is not to help at all. Helping is one thing, enabling someone's ego, however, it is an entirely different matter.
My new book is now available on Kindle.
This book is a journey through the all the phases of heartbreak, exploring its unknown or unperceived origins, and how it affects a person throughout life, influencing thinking, behaviour, personal choices, relationships and in particular the hurt after separation. It offers a simple, practical healing method with practices easily adaptable to everyone's experience, taking the reader to the liberating moment of letting go. It is also an examination of the stage of being in love, and how by listening to the call of the soul, anyone could live in a permanent state of bliss.
Read more on Amazon.
Other blog post you might enjoy:
Why your story is important and why it must be told
Using creativity to transcend ego towards universal love
When a man loves a woman
For the last two years I heard hundreds of personal stories from as many people posing questions, seeking answers to their existential anguish. During this period very rarely I heard a story told in a positive or self-nurturing way. Perhaps life so far has not given us what we expected, but when we look back, I see in everyone an incredible contribution to society and the self. Expectation is a killer of dreams. How we share who we are with the world is important, as it conveys how we see and portray ourselves.
In our search for an unreachable perfection, we all heard from others, especially relatives, friends and acquaintances that we are not good enough. There's always a voice ready to tell us that our dreams are not possible; that dreams are not real. Personal flaws are pointed out.
The truth is that the human being is too prone to make a flag of every mistake and every defeat. Countries commemorate every year the day of a defeat, making it a landmark of national identity. Individuals are no different in this sense. We tend to relived those days in which we experienced some sort of personal tragedy, as if being human was only a experience of pain and suffering that must be remembered.
There's a need, and a degree of relief in being heard, in sharing our pain and suffering with others, as there is a place and a right time for doing so. There must also be an end to it. By continuing to explain the story of pain we're unintentionally perpetuating the energy that feeds it until we see nothing else, and worse, we feel nothing but pain.
These stories and experiences are repeated over and over in the subconscious becoming the limits of each personal reality. The landscape of the self is surrounded by imaginary walls of gloom and doom that do not allow us to see farther and brighter horizons, the extraordinary universe of possibility that lies beyond our comfortable boundaries. Confined within these walls built through a tendency to listen to others and to the noise of the world, we naturally seek to escape; but it's also true that such escape is directed deeper within, closing down to the wonders of a fulfilling life which is right before us anytime we choose to reach it. In time, we become the the noise of the world and speak to ourselves in the same reproaching voices.
At the same time everyone has wonderful stories to tell; stories that could influence and change the way we think and feel and that could transform what and who we are if revisited more often. There is no logical reason why we should visit the negative more often than the positive. Negative experiences are there to teach us how to overcome adversity. If you're reading these words you made it this far. Whether we learned anything from such experiences or not is always due to a matter of perception. To remember the past may be unavoidable, to let go of those emotions which keep us anchored to negative experiences is not.
The difficulty in changing the way we tell our story lies in the energy contained in such stories and our attachment to them. Our personal identity becomes compromised by the energy of negative experiences that in turn blind us to appreciate different perspectives. If such experiences took place as a child, retelling the story with the same energy only causes to relive childhood and an unconscious acquiescence with the same helplessness we felt during that period. In most cases retelling the story is far from therapeutic, and the same helplessness and insignificance to which we might have been subjected in the past becomes the present experience through invoking such energies.
To love the inner child, one must separate from these feelings of helplessness and inadequacy. What we might have believed and accepted as truth in the past does not necessarily have to be the truth of the present. We have the choice to retell the story with a new energy anytime we wish.
There is a moment in childhood in which everything is possible. As we grow up we separate from this feeling. Through fear we learn imaginary boundaries and limitations that we accept as reality. And it is due to fear that we never dare to challenge them. The truth is that everyone has more positive stories and good moments than bad ones, and yet; we insist in putting ourselves down by speaking to the echoes of what we once heard about ourselves from others.
The importance of everyone's story is in the lessons we learned and the practical experience we gained. The human being is an incredible example of survival, for living is all we want. In order to tell a different story we must also be able to live it through action. Sometimes all it takes is to share with others what we learned in ways that can be applied practically. Knowledge is only powerful when shared and what we give to others we give to ourselves.
There are numerous stories of overcoming adversity, drug addiction, violence or illness. To have been the victim of violence years ago does not make us victims today, as a drug addict that managed to overcome the habit is no longer a drug addict today. What we were once is not what we are today. Every day we have to choice to get rid of one label and become something else, preferably not to be changed for another label. Every day we have the right to become a different person. And above all, we have the right to tell that today we are not who we were yesterday. Some people love to remind us of who and what we were in the past with the only intention to keep us anchored there and thwart all our efforts to evolve.
It is true that a negative story, such been the victim of any kind of abuse in childhood does carry the energy of the action, the impact that it had on the individual and how we perceived it at that age. But it is also true that every experience carries along a different energy. This could be the energy of strength, wisdom or courage that was also experienced at the time and of which most of us seem to be oblivious. Perhaps when retelling a story we could dig deeper and find the energy of courage that allows us to overcome that one episode of abuse, feel it and begin to tell our story with a renewed verve.
What I see in people however, is not the pain and suffering that is transmitted with the message, but incredible talents that might not be pursued as they could. It is through art and creativity that the soul expands and the human being heals. Our stories must be heard and used as example to others that might be going through the same experience. Your negative experience might have only been a long path of painful lessons so you could become a healer and a teacher today.
There's nothing we can do to change the past, but the present can be changed anytime we wish it to, and by changing the present we also have a certain impact on the future. Pay attention to how you describe your story to others, especially to the energy used when is told. It is very common that people find solutions to everyone else's problems, as it is easy to see what the problem might be, as it is true that an observer is not confined by the energy of pain and suffering that might be involved in the situation, making it easier to find the right steps towards a positive resolution.
To be able to see the importance and beauty of our story, we must change the energy that it's used when told. Sometimes in order to change the energy we must take healthier and practical steps, such as diet, exercise or simply by engaging in those pleasant activities that we might take on when we have the time, money, the right mood or we retire. Life is finite. We don't have that much time, a good reason to begin now. Life is now. We can't wait to live it until tomorrow.
How you tell your story is always your choice, and no one else can tell you otherwise. No one but you knows what you have been through or experienced. However, you might have not noticed those positive and powerful energies that were there all along and that you're still waiting for.
What I know from my personal experience is that when looking at the past I could only see a story painted in black and white filled with painful experiences. Today the same story is colourful and filled with love. The details have not changed, the energy did. Attachment to the past and especially to the negative emotions of every episode disappeared from one day to the other. The miracle happened when I stopped trying to change the past and decided to change the energy of the present instead, and so I did. If I could, so could you. You're the leader of your life and you have the right to change your story in ways that when it's told speaks of love.
How you tell your story defines who you are. Everyone is a storyteller. Inspiration is waiting in the heart of your pen; freedom at the tip of your tongue.
A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to meet with a wonderful group of people as part of an ongoing learning process. As these experiences took place in a private space, being very personal to everyone, I cannot share with the public anything that relates to others or that indicate who they are. Sacred spaces must be respected at all times, shared and enjoyed with the participants while they last, but nurtured in a silent memory once the experience is over.
What I can tell from what I saw and experienced during those days, is that, it confirms that everyone is a student and a teacher. There is always something new to learn from everyone. It was also obvious that there is in fact hope for the world, its transformation and the raise of collective consciousness.
I can, however, share part of my experience, as it illustrates the practical side of the initial message: 'Waking Up The Goddess' written over a year ago. The scene takes place during a group study of the enneagram's subtype sexual four (S4) and its character and personality. According to the enneagram there are nine different types of personality, and each one is divided in three subtypes to allow anyone the study of their character.
The group was formed by three women and myself. The purpose of the meeting was to find positive ways in which to transcend character and personality, so as to continue evolving in our personal development. The call for humility was unanimous.
The downfall of the S4 is that everything and everyone is more important than themselves, thus engaging in a life of constant work and giving to others. In order to do so, the level of work and productivity is relentless, to the extreme of neglecting to care of themselves and sacrificing all comfort. What's important is the final product, never the self. The end result to their work might be extraordinary; the consequences to this type of behaviour is exhaustion and a heavy toll in their personal lives.
As I am not an expert on the enneagram and it is not the topic of this blog post, I can only recommend a book that offers thorough information on the subject and different types of personality: 'Character and Neurosis: An Integrative View' by Claudio Naranjo.
What called my attention during the meeting was their selfless dedication, love and kindness. Clearly these women couldn't see the humility they already had and were expressing, but it was obvious that it was present. Minutes within the conversation I felt at home. The feeling of trust in them, their words and decisions were so overwhelming, that at that point I would have given them the remote control to re-organise the world if such thing had existed. There was no doubt in me that within a week, this world would be a much better place.
Even though I participated in the conversation, I was happy to take a step back and listen. They were doing a great job leading, and spoke with one voice. Not that they needed my permission or anyone else's to lead. At that moment I would have provided them with support and provide those simple things that they deny themselves on a daily basis so they coulld continue working. Furthermore, I had to attend a different session. Not only they told me where to go; they took me there and made sure I was on time.
The session continued without me. We never discussed the rest of the session or if I had different impressions to add before the presentation the day after. Minutes before the presentation it was suggested that I spoke for the group. I suggested that one of them talked instead. I didn't know what their conclusion had been, but I trusted that it would be the right one. My contribution was mentioned briefly, even though they spoke as a group.
The key elements in this situation speak clearly of the need of support, so as to allow women to improve, expand and find alternatives to a world that seems to have run out of them. Their first intention was to improve themselves. If we want to change the world, first we have to change ourselves. Through dialogue and contribution they presented a convincing voice. There was never an argument or disagreement; just dialogue and perspective.
While the spiritual path might be deeply related to a set of beliefs and abstracts, hardly any of these principles work without practical steps. In this sense, the message of Waking Up The Goddess is to achieve a balance of male and female energy. For this to happen, the practical step to follow is for men, and the current male energy to take a step back or two. The male energy is transgressive. Not only we ran out out ideas, we're arrogantly moving forward with the same ones without questioning neither methods, nor results. Moving forward does not equal to advancing. We're not. To see this, one only needs to take a look at the situation the world is in. For men to meet women in a place that allows equality and integration, we must clear the space, so others can bring a new voice and energy.
At the same time it is important to emphasise once again, that for the world to transform, both men and women must work together. Women are inclusive and happy to facilitate answers and integrative solutions for everyone. There is a reason why more women than men are engaged in personal development and spirituality, and it is during the experiences previously described that it is evident that women will change the world. One must experience it and see it to know what I'm referring to.
The new role of the men is to support and contribute to such transformation. It is up to conscious men to share the message and educate other men to take a step back; to begin to lead a life of cooperation, love and mutual respect. Men can only see themselves in the eyes of a woman. As long as the light in the eyes of women is dimmed and not allowed to express love, the world will only continue moving towards its destruction, as well as deepening into the regression of the species.
It is sad, almost tragic to see that in order to break through, women are adopting some of the negative traits of the male energy, such as arrogance or competition, thus losing femininity.
In this moment in history, humanity has the power to manifest a new collective consciousness or to move towards the dark ages again. In order to accomplish this, we must begin to make collective choices from a new platform of respect, cooperation, equality and love.
The glorified era of individualism must end. One does not have to renounce to their individuality, but to the glorification of it. We're not that special after all. Everyone is special and has something to offer that others cannot. This doesn't make us more or less special, just different, and an essential part of the whole.The deification of individuality is leading to a new era of isolation in which individuals will not be able to communicate with others face to face, and consequently to loneliness will become endemic.
Men have to begin to accept their feminine side, so as to attract, develop such energy, and to live in balance between the practical and the spiritual, with a softer voice and a more human touch. This is achieved through humility, and perhaps considering that after all, we do not know it all, we just assumed we do because once upon a time patriarchy told us we did.
Eventually we will all recognise that The Goddess is each man and each woman and that this is a creative energy within that we have been suppressing for centuries, with the excuse to achieve. There's no need to look back to see that we achieved very little. Instead we're merely surviving. Perhaps, only perhaps it's time for a change. When you're ready.
My new book is now available on Kindle.
This book is a journey through the all the phases of heartbreak, exploring its unknown or unperceived origins, and how it affects a person throughout life, influencing thinking, behaviour, personal choices, relationships and in particular the hurt after separation. It offers a simple, practical healing method with practices easily adaptable to everyone's experience, taking the reader to the liberating moment of letting go. It is also an examination of the stage of being in love, and how by listening to the call of the soul, anyone could live in a permanent state of bliss.
Read more on Amazon.
Paradoxically, one of the biggest obstacles to overcome in personal development is self-truth. Even when one is consciously seeking it, self-knowledge is not easy to accept. There's a moment in childhood in which everyone separates from love. From this moment on we become accustomed to a series of lies that become part of a personal truth that it is reinforced unconsciously. As we separate from love, what one learns instead is fear. As we grow up ego, personality and character are formed, and as such lessons become familiar, they're accepted as part of the norm.
As one reaches certain age, jealousy, sense of possession and entitlement, envy, anger, hate or arrogance are accepted as unmovable truths. These traits are hardly admitted, and are even denied by most people. When accepted publicly, such truths only serve to boost the ego and a false personality. Sometimes denial is due to lack of awareness, sometimes it is conscious. No one wants to admit to negative traits as part of their character, and yet, we all embody them at one point in life.
It is easy to confuse self-confidence with arrogance, jealousy with love, or envy with the will to improve and develop. Validating anger due to past events in a world that on the surface seems to have lost its humanity is normal and even accepted by the masses, as if hardship in our personal history was the obvious and only attitude to adopt in later years. There's nothing wrong with feeling and thinking in such ways. We must experience these feelings and emotions until we realise that they no longer serve us. There is a moment in life when almost everyone is willing to let go of old attitudes, so as to embrace new ones in later years.
Admitting to self-truth requires courage, not only to accept it as what we are not, but to go through the feelings and emotions that consequently appear once such negative traits come to light. These emotions are not always easy to handle, as we enter a new phase of self-awareness. Knowing what to do during these periods is essential in order not to be overwhelmed by it. Admitting to certain truths can lead to misunderstanding who we are, and could end in depression. It is important to remember that we are not born jealous, angry or arrogant, that these are learned traits from childhood, and that as we realise that this is not who we are, a new life begins. To admit to a new truth, thus revoking a past lie, is a portal to a new you.
You might have made mistakes due to certain attitudes in the past, but the greatest mistake would be not to accept a new truth that allows you to evolve. We are allowed to change at any time, and it is in fact our responsibility to improve and heal. Don't let others keep you in the past. Everyone makes mistakes. No one has the right to hold us accountable for the rest of our lives due to our mistakes. If they did, this might be a good time to close a few doors that are holding you back. Mistakes are made to learn from the experience. Without experience we cannot develop.
Acknowledging that for most of our lives we accepted a lie as truth must be considered as a step forward, not a reason to give ourselves a hard time. In self-development, often taking a step back equals to moving forward. It requires periods of isolation, self-reflection and silence.
Everywhere there is a vortex in which can enter in order to transform. Accepting our own truth is one of them. There are truths that are harder to accept than others. As we enter the vortex, we might also enter a period of darkness. Self-development must be understood as an adventure, a fairy tale. Not everything can be light. We must embrace the darkness; first to adapt, then to adopt a new truth. Replacing a past truth with a new one might require a period of adaptation.
Let's take this new phase as a long walk in a deep, dark forest, with not so bright days and long nights. Although it is a new territory, it might also feel familiar. This is the time to take baby steps towards a better life. Accepting a new truth most certainly carries along with it, a time in which we feel vulnerable and weaker. Vulnerability must be allowed. Eventually it makes us stronger. We must not confuse this new stage with depression.
Depression only takes over when we resist and try to move forward too fast. There's no rush. Let's embrace the darkness, make it ours and find the light within. Where there's darkness, there's also light. Love and light are always within every human being; going through darkness is a pathway to reach them.
There might be sadness, anxiety, self-loathing, hopelessness, guilt or shame, reasons for which one could interpret it a depression. This is not who you are either. It's a trap, a mirage that if allowed to flow brings transformation. Be patient and take care of yourself. The answers are there and close to come by.
This is also be a period in which an extended silence is recommended. As we take baby steps, we might also need to re-adjust our language, change habitual expressions and learn to communicate our message to the world in different ways. A new truth is a new beginning and for the transformation to become complete we must articulate it in different ways. There is no limit to what we can transform. From language, to body, thinking, work or diet, to the simplest change in our daily routine.
It is a good idea to stop trying to explain the changes we're going through to others, especially to our loved ones and those closest to us. This is a period of self-reflection and adjustment. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. At this point you can strengthen your boundaries by letting others know that you are going through powerful changes and you don't need to talk about it. All you need is time to readjust. Choose your company carefully. Not everyone you know wants to see you developing into a better version of yourself.
Be gentle with yourself: rest, meditate, follow a healthy diet, exercise, sleep as often as needed and take time to be alone. Treat yourself. When tempted with distractions, self-medication or socialising, ask yourself if this is what you need at the time. Almost everyone would be lured by the possibility to avoid darkness, but it is important to consider that it is in this darkness where new secrets and new truths lie. Spirituality and self-development often require solitary periods.
It is essential not to oppose resistance to the feelings and emotions that you'll find in darkness. They're here to teach you new truths, not to torture you. Feeling the shadows is a necessary step in self-development. Without feeling, there's no transformation. If at times you feel overwhelmed, find healthy ways in which to take a break from it, and above all, make sure that whatever you choose to do is something that you want to do and that you're not led to by others. Not everyone is in the same emotional spot, as not many would understand even when explained to them.
Try and imagine that this a cocoon phase and that by the end you'll come out alive with new colours and a new truth to a better life. We must remain calm during these changes, as these new feelings and emotions are also temporary before the new dawn of the self comes to life.
In darkness is not always possible to see what the next step will be. Take a break, pause, breathe, sit down, have a cup of your favourite drink and allow yourself to just be. That's all you need; being. Don't try to resist it, and don't try to escape it. Escaping from it now will only bring more of the same later on, only that multiplied.
Remember that this is your path, your adventure. Be flexible with it. Make your own choices. Use your imagination, be creative, follow your heart and your intuition. This blog post is intended to create awareness, not to direct you anywhere. You are the leader of your own life and you can only get where you are meant to be by following your own steps. Be confident and courageous. More mistakes will be made followed by new lessons, but they'd yours. Own it and continue moving forward. Trust yourself and shed a few tears if you must. Even in darkness we can find freedom.
The book 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon.
For soul readings visit this other page.
More on twin flames: 'Twin Flames: A Love Affair.'
Photo: Carolina Flower
Everyone is born with a memory of the place where we came from, a place in which we all belong, a place we call home. As we grow up and we learn the unconscious ways of the world this memory vanishes, but the feeling remains. As human beings, home is a feeling. And home is where the heart is.
For some people the moment of birth can represent a real trauma, as they know what's waiting ahead for them, for this, we also know we're born. And these are the people who remember home more vividly than others. They are here to remind you and take you there, back to your heart, back to love; back to being in love. They are here to inspire and to make you fall in love.
The human experience is a journey of forgetting and remembering. It begins at home and it ends at home. At the moment of birth each of us is a beautiful expression of light and love; pure consciousness. With age, the feeling of love or the intensity of it decreases as we learn fear. With the fear of death, we fear life. A paradox considering that we are going to that feeling we long so. If only we could turn inwards and find the answer within instead of looking everywhere else and in every one else.
In a recent correspondence with a friend I told her that "it is a tragedy that children are not taught about death or home", as if avoiding the subject prevented anyone from it. Death is part of the journey. Fearing the inevitable only prevents the joy of life. There's no death but life. The soul is immortal, and if we remembered where we came from we would make peace as we prepare for it.
My friend replied: " I teach my children about death. That it is nothing to fear. As they are little you can only say things age appropriate, so I say that our body's die, not our souls. And that when we die we go home. Home is a place where our souls came from and feels like thousand cuddles or more. That we are here to love one and other." I pick my friends well.
My impression is that these five children are going love their childhood and grow up to be healthy adults with a knowing of this feeling, follow their hearts and always want to be where they are; living that sensation that home is here and now. And the description, "it feels like thousand cuddles or more" is perfect even for an adult, as at home we only feel love and supported.
To understand the here and now there are three elements that together explain this. Time, energy and space. Everything that exist, everything that ever existed and everything that will ever exist is here now. In human form most of us cannot perceive the reality of home before birth or after death. This is due to the fact that that these realms exist in different dimensions. However, the spirit world is very real and some of us can feel it and see it, and I'd go as far as to say that most people have turned a blind eye to it, but it is there, accessible to anyone at any time.
The spirit world is source of fairy tales. These are not figments of the imagination. Magic and miracles take place all the time and fairy tales are very real. It's only a matter of knowing where to look and how to be. That's all it takes.
As an example, energy is what gives identity and idiosyncrasy to countries. The energy of events that took place centuries ago still remains here. This is one of the reasons why change at a collective or individual level is so difficult, as we all live under the influence of such energies. Energy creates beliefs, habits, traditions and everything or everyone that deviates from the norm is excluded from society in one way or another, which in turn makes most people to conform to establish rules. Such energies are not to be underestimated. There are very powerful and controlling. It's like wearing an invisible corset that does not allow the soul to breathe.
Everyone wants to love and be loved, hence exclusion from social groups produces the illusion of rejection, while in reality what we do is rejecting ourselves by associating with circles in which we're merely accepted, but never give us what we truly long for: love.
Conforming to the norm separates us from the heart, as we follow rules and traditions that creates further distance from the soul. The soul is an adventurer and it is here to love, to play and explore, not to follow social etiquette.
The more we compromise our decisions and way of living, the greater the feeling of nostalgia for a place that we remember but that is no longer here. It doesn't matter how far we separate from the heart and the soul, this feeling is always there. The further the distance, the more overwhelming it becomes, but also the closer we are to going back there.
Throughout life we meet people that remind us of home and fall in love with them or simply share life with. If circumstances separate us from them, heartbreak and melancholy inevitably follow, as we associate the feeling of home to another person and places not realising that home is in the heart, that nothing is lost, that everything is here. We fall in love with the energy in others that remind us of that energy that we believe we lost, an energy that we recognise, but cannot quite feel. That energy is within. Everything is within. For this reason letting go is as important as falling in love.
Letting go is one of the most beautiful paradoxes in life, as we let go we feel that energy returning to us; we no longer need those people or places.
Anyone can remind us of home. As we have all been brainwashed somehow into believing that the normal way of living is by coupling in a romantic relationship with someone, this is the only thing we look for. We fall in love with the energy and the idea of love in order to fill the emptiness of our longing, or at least we do it for a while. We can't fully love anyone until we feel at home. We might call them companions, lovers, partners, husbands or wives, but the feeling of home is never in someone else, but within.
This is not to say that current relationships are not real; they are, and we are here to love and through love to remember home. Love has to be explored and expressed in any way we feel like it. Love is free and we have the freedom to do so. In love there are no common rules to follow. Everyone is entitled to their very own free and authentic expression. It's only that we fall in love too often, too soon and in many cases we force ourselves to it, in order to avoid loneliness instead of exploring it.
Loneliness is a wonderful path through which we can return home by learning to love ourselves and get to know the self. Loneliness is a space, an energy and a time for introspection, reflection and meditation. It might be filled with darkness, sadness or melancholy, but it's also a beautiful place for transformation.
At the same time, we meet people that we immediately reject. These are the people that remind us of all those parts we do not want to explore: depression, loneliness, laziness. The list is long. Fear of understanding others is fear of understanding ourselves. These people, the rejects, are the ones that we have to work with and help in order to heal ourselves. By facing our fears and working with them, the effect that we produce is real alchemy and magic, but this we don't know because the natural impulse is to move away as far as possible from them. Everyone is a mirror. Helping to fix the mirror we fix the reflection.
We cannot save anyone, but can save ourselves. This is how we make a difference in our lives and the world; by healing the self first.
The one true tragedy of humanity is how we treat the heart and the soul, both individually and collectively. By rejecting others we reject ourselves for reasons that only benefit the ego. With every rejection the heart closes a bit more, until it is impossible to love. How many love with their minds! The more the heart closes, the harder the heartache.
The solution is easy in principle, but not so in practice. We do have to stop fearing heartbreak. We have to love it instead. The only way to heal a heartbreak is through love. There is not other way, as well as being necessary to open the heart again, so as to be able to fall in love once again.
But heartbreak is no the only experience we fear. Humanity's cynicism and fear of pain and suffering is currently at such high that we also fall in love. We no longer trust anyone else because we don't trust ourselves either. The paradox here is that the more open the heart is, the easier it is to deal with heartbreak. Heartbreak, like death is unavoidable. It is also necessary. Trying to avoid either, stops us from living and falling in love. And not being in love is cause of all neurosis and known disease.
The response of an open heart to heartbreak is very different to that of a closed heart. Imagine the pain of heartbreak for a minute, then the heart opening the next. This is true alchemy. As the open heart focuses the intention and energy in love, not on the loss or pain it transforms the energy from a negative to a positive. An open heart keeps loving, while a closed heart dwells in all sorrows.
An open heart celebrates to have loved. A closed heart fills with regret and negative thoughts. The answer is to keep loving, to focus on love and to love the experience for what it is or it was, then let go and move to the next experience. We cannot fall in love again with while we have a broken heart. It does not work, it is not real and it's not love, only a way to escape from pain. An open heart feels the pain all the same, but has the courage to face it and love it.
Let's stop trying to find meaning in dogmas, religions or galactic sagas to name a few, -the answer is not there,- and let's learn to love the self. Get wet in the rain, get your hands dirty, break your heart without fear and feel the pain, travel the world, dance and celebrate that you're alive and that you've loved before it's too late and the heart fills with regret and chances we never took.
Only when the heart is open we can begin to re-structure the anatomy of collective melancholy and begin to draw a new map of the world. In Love. A place where we say I love you, and the soul echoes: this is safe, this is love, and this is home.
And to all of us who never forgot we can say: I Am In Love. We and they know what it means. And one day soon you will know it too. Once we're all there, there will no melancholy for the melancholy we lost, only love, and that extraordinary feeling that wherever we are, we are home.
Now say it: I Am Home. Repeat until you remember.
Contrary to popular belief, vulnerability is a tool in everyone's personal development that when practiced regularly makes anyone stronger. In a world in which the collective consciousness constantly speaks of fear, broadcasting every threat to which we humans are exposed, being vulnerable is erroneously misunderstood as a sign of weakness.
Fear of vulnerability makes humanity live in tension, being in constant guard, terrified of a future that does not yet exist. The belief is that if we are protected or feel safe, we cannot be harmed. Not being harmed is not the same as being strong. There's no safety in being safe when it comes to personal development. Safe does not allow us to grow. Instead we remain stagnant, wondering why our lives don't improve or why our feelings and emotions get the best out of us.
Being safe is a habit introduced by parents and developed during childhood. In time, attachment to it grows deep roots that restricts the playfulness of the soul. As it ingrains in the human psyche, we lose touch with the body, stopping the natural flow of energy. The mind fills with negative thoughts, while the body stores negative emotions that we are unable to express in healthy ways.
Being emotionally safe also contributes to humanity's inability to communicate with each other. There are limitations to being human, which is what everyone seems to focus on, as in: "know your limits and don't go beyond. Don't even try." While there are limitations, there are also numerous abilities that we have not yet managed to master, but they are within each of us, ready to be explored. The percentage of people that managed to find out such abilities is still small, though increasing as the world slowly removes the veil of fear moving towards universal truth.
There are several elements in human communication still untapped; two of them being feelings and emotions. Both are incredible sources of energy that if allowed to flow freely would significantly improve the communication we have with others, to the point that verbal communication wouldn't be as necessary. Questions like how are you or how do you feel would become obsolete; and this is only the beginning. We would already perceive those feelings and wouldn't have to pretend that we're always OK because this is what's socially expected. It is OK not to be OK and express it.
As it is, there are many signs of love among people, but there's also an abundance of negative emotions, and even histrionics due to our inability to process them in the past.
Depression is the evidence that society's understanding of being strong is driving humanity in the opposite direction. As living conditions get harder, the general feeling is of instability. Thoughts projected towards the future resonate in the present with echoes of gloom and doom. We fear the hardships of the future due to uncertainty or any lack of assurance in safety. There might not be safety in the future, but there's no disaster either. The future simply does not exist. It's only what we believe. Working today for a better future improves the conditions of the present with every day that goes by.
Depression has become the number one illness in the world. By being strong for too long, we make ourselves weaker. We are taking less risks, which in turn only reduces the ability to explore those parts within in need to come alive.
Being safe is also leading humanity towards the greatest social disease of all times until it becomes endemic: loneliness. This is the future that we are creating. Being safe might not break your heart, but it prevents you from falling in love too. Perhaps the most negative effect of avoiding vulnerability is that the heart closes. With the heart closed, the only emotions we feel are the negative energy that we have been holding within, and which can turn life into an emotional nightmare.
Vulnerability has to be understood as an adventure, a vehicle that takes us through a journey of self-discovery. The soul is an adventurer that is here to explore the good and the bad, the darkness and the light until we remember who we are. As we grow, we change while developing character and personality. "People don't change" is a cliché so deeply rooted in the collective mind, that we no longer question it.
People do change. The problem we face is the lack of courage to express it and stand by it as we develop due to pressure from family, friends and peers. Every time we go through a period of transformation we hear that we've changed. Yes, we have and the only way to maintain such change and to keep evolving is to be loyal to oneself. Let's not be afraid to show others who we are if these are positive changes and be more appreciative of people as they change.
It is not that we don't have the courage, but that we refuse to tap into it. Courage is always within, and as everything else, the more we practice it, the more we develop it. It's not about fighting dragons with a sword, but demons and fears that hold us back from our dreams and the most beautiful expression of the soul. It is a peaceful fight when we surrender to our own truth and allow ourselves to say it. Yes, I Love. Yes, I Am In Love. Yes, I have changed and this change is for the better.
As everyone is unique, there are as many personal expressions, as there are human beings. The key to make these changes permanent is self-acceptance and the expression of the new self, as well as acceptance of others. No matter what we do, there are always going to be voices of discontent around us, therefore it makes sense that we allow ourselves to be happy with our own personal transformation. The path to happiness is within. Focusing on what others will say keeps the attention and energy focused on the outside. As we transform, we inspire positive changes in others and our environment. Everyone can be inspiring when we allow the expression of the soul.
In order to be vulnerable, we have to feel the emotions appearing with every new situation without reacting. Feeling is enough. Whether we face criticism, rejection or any other hostile attitude provoked by others or simply by our own actions, we must feel, so as to evolve into a better self.
Your heart might be broken and you might be brought down by circumstances at times, but it's better to be able to say that I've loved, than not at all. By being vulnerable we open our hearts, attracting healthier and more positive people, as well as circumstances. We might have to say goodbye to a few others, as they're most likely disappear. Tears that we didn't know we held within will come out and we'll cry in the healing process. This world needs more meaningful tears in order to heal.
The heart is a great communicator. Keeping it closed will never allow to transmit our natural message of love. The entire world is longing for love, but we'll never find it with a close heart.
Being vulnerable is admitting our insecurities and fears, giving apologies when required or accepting that compliment we always felt uncomfortable about.
By being vulnerable we surrender to the Divine within and transcend the ego. Vulnerability is the process in which we expand, as we perceive healthier feelings and emotions without reacting to emotions. It opens our hearts and eyes to a new world of possibility. It is the journey to our own truth and freedom to find out in the end that love is all there is. As we move along in this process, we gain in self-trust, self-love and self-confidence. We become more magnetic and happier. This is a path that can be taken at any time and in small doses with a little bit of courage.
Humanity has been too strong for too long and it took us nowhere. Perhaps it is time that we change directions.
This article is especially written for men with the intention to inspire a healthier approach to relationships between man and woman. There are so many things a man can do to have a successful relationship with their partners. Relationships are never easy. Even knowing everything a woman needs and wants is not a guarantee of a successful relationship. What matters is that we try, that we're not afraid of falling in love, and that when we try we do our best.
The difference between a boy and a man is that, a man would never be afraid to say, "I Am In Love."
It would be easy to write this article from the view of someone who's going to begin a new relationship, when no mistake has yet been made, even though it's not always the case. Perhaps the first belief that one could change in relationships is that everyone makes mistakes. Admit it, accept it and do your best. Again and again and again. Show persistence. When there's love, mistakes are easily forgiven to a certain extent. Some actions are harder to forgive than others. In any case, with love, intention and the appropriate actions, any man can change, and begin to explore their existent relationship in healthier ways, if this is what's required. Not everyone is in an unhealthy relationship. And not every relationship fails because of a man.
All relationships face obstacles, however healthy they may seem. It's how we handle and overcome these obstacles what makes the difference. Every day is a new opportunity to begin anew in a relationship. Every man has what's needed within to make their relationship healthy and successful. It might take time and perhaps we make every mistake in the book, and some that have not yet been written, but eventually anyone can get there. Everyone wants to love and be loved. And after all, love is all there is. Sometimes it takes time to understand this.
Relationships have to be balanced in terms of giving and receiving. If one gives more than the other, the imbalance might be a reason for the end of the relationship. Sometimes giving too much it is as unhealthy as giving too little. When we give too little is because we either don't care, don't know how, or both. When we give too much it might be due to the natural expression of a loving, generous heart, but also because we are in desperate need to be liked by the other person. This article, however, is not focusing on problems, but simple solutions, to suggests new ways. One way to find solutions is to focus on them. While we look at the problem, the problem only grows. Also, this blog post is about improving, not to state that any relationship is unhealthy.
For the sake of this argument, let's say that a man is beginning a relationship tomorrow. If someone is already in a relationship, tomorrow can also be a new beginning, if not today. In life we have an opportunity to improve and better ourselves anytime we choose to. Most people don't change because of what others would say or think. Change does take courage. A man would have this courage, would not listen to what anyone says and stand by his decisions at all times. There's beauty in courage and nothing more beautiful than one that chooses to show the best of his new self to the himself, as well as to others. This is courage.
When a man loves a woman, the most beautiful gift they can offer them at the beginning of a relationship is to create a space for both, in which they can exchange freely without expectations. Expectation is a plague in relationships, and the downfall of everything. I give, so you have to give me back. This belief is unhealthy. The role of a man in a relationship is to support his woman. This does not mean that he goes to work while she stays in the kitchen, or that he has to buy two hundred pairs of shoes for her. No one needs so many shoes. Expectation makes us insecure tyrants.
The space that is provided is free for either to enter it whenever they want to. When they choose to have time and space and remove themselves, this is also freedom. It doesn't mean that a woman doesn't love you, simply that she wants time and space for herself. Everyone needs that from time to time. Men need it too. Do worry if someone doesn't need their space and time. When the space shared between two people is filled with love, trust and this kind of freedom, it becomes magical, creative and expansive. It is a space in which both, man and woman can grow and develop together, as well as individually.
Once we begin the relationship, let's consider that before today, she was a free woman to make her own decisions, choose to see whoever she wanted to and do whatever she pleased. And so were you. Commitment to a relationship perhaps excludes certain activities and whom one might or might not see, but it should never be a prison for anyone. Not for a man; not for a woman. The bond created by love is and should be enough.
It is important to understand that everything in life is a paradox. By offering such a beautiful space, full of love, trust and freedom, what we create is also a magnetic field to which both partners would want to come back again and again. Letting go of the loved one at the beginning of the relationship is a wonderful gift. Consider that this woman might have never been offered such freedom. It's new and it's exciting. Keep love and freedom flowing and she will feel safe and loved. Letting go is a sign of strength in a man, character, self-belief and confidence.
If with this freedom a woman chooses to go and never come back, it has nothing to do with you, but with them. Eventually they would do so with or without freedom. The sooner they're out, the better for everyone. Sometimes love is not enough. Keep loving them no matter what their decision is.
The supporting role of a man in a relationship can be understood from the perspective that he enables a woman to achieve her dreams. This could be a course she wants to take, a career, a trip she's been dreaming of, or simply a hobby. She could be a young singer and songwriter, the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, without the means to buy a new guitar to play. This is the time when a man finds the money even if he doesn't have it, and buys that one guitar, not because he wants something in exchange, but because this woman, this talented artist is going to show him her soul through her music, her lyrics and her enchanting voice. And when she sings for you, this will be a moment you will never forget. A guitar is a magical tool to create more magic in itself, but when is bought with the heart, we allow another part of the soul to come alive in both, man and woman. Don't forget, this is love and you're in love. Anything could happen.
If there was ever a most beautiful, magnetic mermaid, this is she.
Love and relationships are about collecting such memories. The more moments and beautiful memories we create, the stronger love will be. Even if the relationship ends, love remains, and that moment when she sang that song for you, it's only for you and her; forever in time, just for you both. Imagine that!
When buying this guitar, the action must also be fuelled by the same intentions, love, trust, freedom, and again, no expectations. For the uninitiated, a guitar might just seem another item, but when purchased with this intention, it becomes magical. Only good things can come out of it. Imagine the sound of that guitar when she's playing alone in a different room and you hear a song she picked just for you; calling you. "Hey Mr Tamborine man, play a song for me." This is the magic of love. You will recognise it. You will know it's for you, and you only. You will feel the happiest man alive. In love. And you'll never forget. Once you love a woman, you'll always love her. Make sure she knows.
There's one other element to consider that's introduced in the relationship when providing freedom to a woman. She feels safe and more willing than ever to express her feelings, emotions and open up more of her soul for a man to see. When a woman feels free to express herself in whichever way she wishes, magic does happen. You'll see it in her green/hazel eyes.
I will keep saying this until the end of time. For centuries women have been consigned to a secondary role in society; time that was used to nurture others, but also to remain more in touch with the soul. In a way, one could say that women are the keepers of the collective soul. If they don't show it, and perhaps they don't even know it, it's due to the fact that they've never been allowed to express themselves freely. Freedom allows creativity. Creativity is what the soul is and looks for.
A relationship is the perfect scenario for a man to see himself through the eyes of a woman. Together you will experience the most beautiful expression of love. In love and in freedom, this woman will expose openly the wild woman within herself. If you are a man and want to know who you are, look with love and respect into the eyes of the woman you love and you will see that you and her are the same, that we are one.
It is essential that within this freedom you never ask anything from her. When you allow this freedom, she will give much more than you could ask for. Well, perhaps you could allow yourself to say, "hey my beautiful mermaid, write a song for me." You will know when the time is right.
As I wrote in my previous blog post: 'Sacred Sex', while feeling free, there's a magical moment that takes place between a man and a woman in which one can see themselves in the eyes of the other, as if souls have changed bodies momentarily. Having this experience, no man would look at a woman in the same way again. It is a truly magical moment.
At the same time, a woman will gradually get to know herself in a deeper level, as she is now allowed to express herself with freedom, as she chooses to, without expectations. No need to please or to entertain anyone. At reaching this moment, miracles do happen. This space is magical and creative. We see little of the soul because there's no such freedom present in relationships. People remain guarded even when in love. This new freedom is unfamiliar, unexplored and it's full of surprises even to the self. Let's not forget that it works both ways.
Let's not underestimate how creative the soul can be. Remember that you're in love, and in love, creativity is spontaneous. All that is needed is that freedom we were never allowed to experience. Now you know where to find it. It's in her eyes, in her heart, in her soul.
Finally, do let her know she's your Goddess and treat her as such. She will then know that the poetry of your soul is for her, just for her