I planned to write on a different topic today, but as the day started with this question: Manel, why do people commit suicide? I feel that it is the right time to tackle the subject. Every day people commit suicide. Those who are left behind rarely understand their reasons for leaving unexpectedly.
I believe that suicide is an idea that has crossed everyone's mind at some point or another. Life can be tough on people and turn sour from one day to the next. However, this is not the solution to any of our problems. Life is much more precious than a moment of madness or lucidity.
December, with the Christmas celebrations can be particularly taxing on individuals who are alone or simply feel alone. We are never alone, but we fail to recognise the Divine support we have around. Being alone is a period to learn about ourselves. It does happen to everyone. The universe is not punishing you, just trying to teach you a lesson. Our response to this feeling is paradoxical. The lonelier we feel, the more we seek company, which is the opposite of what one is supposed to do. We must learn to be alone, so as to feel our loneliness and realise that we are not; that everything we need is here and now, within each of us.
One of the reasons why I am not fond of Christmas and I don't allow anyone to give me any presents during this period is because I refuse to be participant in the collective madness that it has become. When a family of 5 can spend more than £200 on a Christmas meal on food only, something is very wrong with this world. No one can eat that much. Christmas is supposed to be a period for celebration, to gather and enjoy the day, but it has become a very stressful time to seek gifts that most likely will be forgotten in a few months. This, of coruse does not mean that everyone has turned Christmas into a circus.
To understand why people commit suicide, we have to bare in mind that everyone is born with a memory we carry from before the moment of birth. The memory of home. We are eternal, Divine beings having a human experience. For some people this experience is harder than for many others. There are many facts we have to consider while treating this topic. First, however traumatic our experience is, we chose to go through it in order to learn lessons from it. The ultimate learning is unconditional love, which in our human form can be very difficult to achieve.
From the moment of conception we are bombarded with information, expectations and in many cases demands that involve our future. Most parent's have their children's future mapped out, not considering that a child is a soul and each soul is granted with free will. No one likes to be controlled, but somehow this perception changes when we are the ones who tell others what they should or shouldn't do. For as long as our free will is limited we live in a state of permanent rebellion.
Being born human is the beginning of a personal quest for love and freedom. The concept of freedom is almost non-existent for a child, being told what to do, what to say, how to behave and what we can or cannot believe. Our parents are the first ones to send us off track from our mission in life.
Our parent's intentions are usually good; caring for our well-being and future. However, in most cases their intentions clash with who we are and what we want to do in life. Soon we are thrown into an education system that does the rest. The memory of home begins to vanish or disappears, although not entirely. Deep within we all know that there is a better state of being. We feel it, but we cannot identify it. This memory somehow becomes otherworldly. It is a place we miss, even though it seems one that we never visited. The only place where we can find it is within.
It is our responsibility only to make our lives extraordinary. We cannot blame anyone else.
The more interference we receive from the outside world, the bigger the disconnection with the soul. Being disconnected from the soul can be as unbearable, as living with this memory throughout life and not being able to pursue our life mission. The society that we have conceived and created does not encourage the soul to express itself so as to expand towards love and freedom.
I have written since I remember and never lost connection with the soul or the memory of home. To me, life always made sense, with the exception of those moments in which I decided to listen to others. The amount of times I have been told that writing would never get me anywhere! However, a part of me never listened. By the age of seven I had already lost the will to live, but there was a stronger force within that helped me to go through every experience no matter how unpleasant it was. Childhood was extremely unpleasant.
At the age of thirteen and while running long distance a car came out of the road, hit me and sent me to a different dimension. The only part that I am going to share about such experience is that I wanted to stay there. It was home. But I was told that it wasn't my time and I was sent back to what at the time I thought to be a life of misery.
That experience changed my life for worse. From one day to the other I was much older. And I was angry, extremely angry. If I had fought everything and everyone from the age of six onwards, the following period was a constant battle field with or without reason.
I was given a second chance to remember the essence of home, but for years I also lived with the idea that I didn't belong here, that this world was not the place for the soul to express itself. Like many others, I also considered giving up, but there was an inner voice, an inner call that kept telling me I had to keep going. And so I did until I found a way to live in peace with myself and the world.
Years ago during a conversation with a friend she told me: "anyone in your situation, with a life like the one you had would have killed themselves long ago, but not you. You fall and every time you get up stronger."
This is what we do. We fall and get up again and again when we are ready. If you listen carefully through meditation and silence, you will find that inner voice that will help you to keep going. That voice is the source of the belief in ourselves.
For many people the human experience is presented in as many different ways. For some it gets harder and harder until they lose all hope of life ever getting better or easier. Those who commit suicide have conquered their fear of death. Death is not death, but life. We continue existing. But suicide is not the answer. We might get rid of the problem now, but we will be back until we manage to accomplish our life mission regardless of the way we die.
An this is a message for everyone, not only for those who decide to take an early exit. If we don't manage to fulfill our soul's mission, we will be reborn, only that the next time it will be harder. What reasons most people may have that they prefer to live an unconscious life, being so attached to a way of living they do not like is beyond me.
There is another aspect to suicide that must be considered, and the best way in which I can depict this is by sharing another story. Years ago I went to visit a friend. That evening we were going out for a meal and live music. The musician was my friend's friend and as he lived outside London she accommodated him for the weekend. As soon as I walked in I wanted to come out.
There are many details I could share about this experience, what I saw and felt, but what I'd like to say today is that the musician's son had committed suicide in his teens. I was unaware of this fact and I only learned the details later on, although to me it became obvious as soon as my friend opened the door.
Within five minutes and after formal introductions I excused myself and left. I told my friend I was not willing to deal with that situation and would meet her at the bar at the end of the street. She pleaded and argued that I never liked that bar, which it was true. All I said to her was: "today I do. I can't deal with this today." In any case, there was nothing I could do for any of them.
Those who can feel energies know that the presence of death is a very dense energy, but it is not threatening. However, the energy of a suicide is overwhelming, and that was an episode I was no willing to go through that day. The father did not have a choice, and having not yet managed to let go, he was trapped in a emotional state from which it is incredibly difficult to come out. Being constantly surrounded by such energy becomes familiar. Not knowing or not being willing to let go makes such energy familiar and one accepts that this is all there is.
People who commit suicide do want to reunite with the soul and return home, not being able to do so in this human experience. The part that they're missing is that there's a come back. It's neither right, nor wrong, just the way it is.
If suicide seems the only solution right now, you have reached the darkest and loneliest place there is. This is a place in which only you can be. No one else is allowed in that space. You know this, so the feeling of loneliness is overwhelming, greater than has ever been before.
While pain and suffering seem unbearable, as it is much more that what you believe you can cope with, if you go through it, the rewards are also unimaginable. This is also a place of solace and believe it or not, you have reached the gates to your soul. You met the darkness before the light, your greatest fear before you find your endless source of love. Only you know what you fear most.
You are now on top of a cliff. There are two possible falls or you can remain there paralysed for the rest of your life. One fall will take you away from pain and suffering the easy way. But remember; the easy way now is not the easy way later! The other fall is a leap of faith, your opportunity to go beyond fear and allow your soul to experience everything you've always wanted to be. In this second fall you will keep falling while learning to live in a different way. The ways that took you where you are no longer serve you.
If there is nothing else to lose, there's nothing else to worry about. It's time to use your free will, stop listening to everything you've been told and begin to listen to yourself. You are an amazing, Divine creation. The world might not see it. It is not for the world to see, but for you to feel it and experience it. Home is here and now. And it's all within you.
In this dark place where you are today you have found despair and desolation. If you look closely, you will also find the answers to all your questions. The same lucidity that you can take you home now, can help you to find home here.
Seek assistance, talk to someone. It is always possible to find someone to talk to. If you're reading this, you probably have hundreds of contacts. Ask for help. You will be surprised what people can do in order to help others. It is not all lack of compassion and carelessness. There are many who care.
In the end, what you do is your decision only. No one else is responsible for it. Whether you decide to stay or go, either way do it with love.
When everything seems to be against you and life doesn't seem worth living, the greatest act of rebellion is to keep living. Find the intangible sword that your soul has presented you with and "kill your darlings." They are the ones that took you here and you no longer need them. Stop the fight and start living. Remember that in this place where you are now you can find love and inner peace if you dig deeper. You are about to transcend heartbreak and that is the door to enlightenment. Listen, just listen, your soul is speaking loudly.
Below you can will find different links to other blog posts that might help you get through what you're experiencing right now. And if you think that no one cares, at least know that I do.
The following blog post provides a useful tool to a life changing experience, and new beginnings.
How A Spiritual Reading Can Transform Your Life Immediately.
How to keep going when life gets tough.
Going through: An effective way to reconnect with the soul and a path to happiness.
Dealing with depression.
The dark night of the soul.
How to reconnect with your soul through writing.