From the moment a human being is defined by gender, a child is destined to fulfill a set of responsibilities predetermined by the traditions of patriarchal society. From that moment on, a child is educated in order to fit the role of a boy or a girl, as if to tick all the bullet points of a job description to eventually fill a job vacancy.
I wrote extensively about the upbringing of a boy in 'Men And Fear Of Commitment', and those who might be interested in a more in depth description you can read the blog post, but today is not about fear or commitment. True commitment is unknown to most men and women. While it is true that a larger number of men fear commitment, it is also a fact that it is a cliché. Men strive to commit; we just don't know how. What we lack is what we seek.
In essence, childhood for a boy is similar to a boot camp, a ground in which we are supposed to grow strong, tough and unemotional. As we grow up we hear the expression 'boys don't cry' repeatedly, thus learning to fear feelings and emotions. Men, regardless of who we are or what we have become have feelings and emotions like women do, but it is a fact that we have learned to contained them and move through life still behaving in the artificial way we were taught to be. For a man, admitting that he has feelings or emotions is like betraying the idea of being a man, somehow renouncing to everything we have learned to be. Of course, this does not apply to every living man, as many have already opened their eyes to a new level of awareness and consciousness.
Every experience we have in life has an energetic influence in each individual regardless of gender. This includes every lesson we learn in life. When a lie is told over and over, it becomes truth. The fact that society has accepted such lie as truth, does not make it less of a lie. Humankind has accepted this premise as a fact, as society has integrated many other lies.
With every experience we go through, we store energy in the body. Our lives are recorded in the energy accumulated. Negative experiences cause personal expression to contract, while positive experiences allow us to expand. In a sense, the negative energy works as a tool of control that has been installed in the body throughout life, limiting the individual in their actions.
The reality is not that men have no feelings, but that we have been trained to avoid emotions, particularly those who are clear exhibits of weakness, such as crying. Boys don't cry. Be a man. Therefore, a man always has to strive to be the best and the strongest, constantly competing with other men and society as a whole. The contracting energy grows stronger, increasingly coercing feelings, personal development and bringing upon individuals an array of ailments, such as depression or illness.
Our feelings become more aggressive and/or negative. Anger, guilt or shame take over and rule our lives. Although it does not happen to every single person, there is a point in which a man breaks down and tired of being strong. Even the strongest man needs a break sometimes. Men fear to admit to this, as there is still a social stigma, and once someone is tagged with depression or anxiety, he might as well have been tagged as weak member of society and paraded shamefully in public.
There is so much pressure an individual can take, and a limit to the negative energy a body can store. A man might cry in private never admitting to it, as the belief that we have to be strong at all times is the only socially acceptable option. The longer we fight our feelings, the greater the fall will be. The only way to healing is by accepting our vulnerability and feel our emotions.
With the new generations, more men are opening to the idea of expressing feelings and emotions, and following the call of the soul. Healing happens when we feel, as when we feel, we release these energies. It is widely accepted for a man to be angry and blame society for making him this way, somehow forgetting that we are the ones who make this society and the only ones who can change it. Blaming society as a whole is like washing our hands from any responsibility. Change only occurs when we take responsibility, raise awareness and promote and live the change. No one else will take action for us.
As human beings, we have been given feelings and emotions, because we are suppose to experience life and who we are through feeling. Being unfeeling and unemotional deprives us from the human experience and takes some of us to behave inhumanely. It also separates us from our divine nature, preventing humanity from experiencing love and the magic and miracles of life.
Every man has feelings. We might feel uncomfortable expressing a feeling or emotion. We might mistake a feeling with a thought, but this is due to the education promoted by patriarchal society that we have received. There is a special interest in keeping humanity unfeeling and removed from the true essence of the soul. It is easier to control the masses when we live in fear.
The answer to freedom are in all the tears we never shed as boys and as men, and the best example I can think to depict what the experience is like, is my own. Years ago I signed for a spiritual retreat. Before I attended the retreat I had to write an autobiography. The part that is relevant in this case, is when wrote that I missed the child that I used to be and everything that represented to me. I felt I lost that child forever.
The last day of the retreat while sitting on a panel before leaving, I was listening to someone else speaking about the experience we had been through. There was a moment in which I felt again as that 6 year old child that I believe it has disappeared. It was a regression to childhood, which manifested through intention and desire. That day, I could neither hold the tears, nor I wanted to and I cried in front of everyone. Tears of happiness, but still tears. Something a man is not supposed to do according to many.
As a child, I trained myself not to cry. I was not going to give anyone the pleasure to see they got the best of me. I moved through adolescence and adulthood without tears. Sometimes I felt so much pressure accumulated that I wished I could have cried, but there was still too much resistance in me to allow it, somehow retaining that sense of false pride in being strong. What I know from that experience is that after crying in public my life changed, as those tears were the door to the path of my spiritual freedom.
Before that moment, I lived in a prison in which I was, both, prisoner and jailor. Escaping was as simple as making myself vulnerable, breaking my obstinate resistance to feeling and allow tears to roll down. There were more tears after that day, and with each tear, a greater sense of freedom. This freedom today is represented by inner peace, love and the experience of being in love, and this feeling is worth a few tears every now and then.
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