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Lust Versus Love: Do We Lust Or Do We Love?

Lust is an energy that is usually confused with love. Love or lust; does it really matter? And how do we know when we lust or love someone?

The definition of lust is to have a strong sexual desire for someone. Neither men, nor women are exempt from this emotion, although men tend to express it more openly than women. The call of women is more sensual, subtle and playful. In this case men are more primal. And no, it does not apply to every man, as it does not apply to every woman. Anyone can be a pirate. Catcalling is perhaps the clearest expression of such openness. There is nothing wrong with having a sexual desire for someone. An individual might turn it into a negative experience with their actions, but in essence, sexual desire is a healthy human expression. The fact that certain individuals are unhealthy, does not make sex unhealthy.

We are born as a pure expression of love. Love is what we are, what we come from and where everyone wants to return, and regardless of how disengaged we might feel from it during certain periods, we are still love. We simply got distracted for a while and need to dig deeper. 

Lust appears at a later stage, as this is a sub-product of fear. Sexual desire is healthy, the sexual act is healthy and even lust can be healthy to a certain extent, it is the actions of people what might make it a negative or positive experience. It is time for the whole of humanity and for each individual to take responsibility for our actions and stop blaming the messenger. Sex is an abstract. Without human interaction it has neither life, nor energy. The fact that sex can fall to either side of the fence and be true or a lie, is a matter of intention. 

Lust would be more intense in individuals who, as children have not known true love in their home environment, hence becoming the vehicle used to find love. It makes sense that people, having forgotten the original cause of fear engage in fear based activities, especially if these bring pleasure. We might not find the love we look for by experiencing these situations, but each one takes us one step closer to love if the intention is strong and honest. In time we develop an awareness that might tell us which direction to follow. Lust requires an incredible amount of energy. The more we give in to our fears, the less energy we have to pursue such activities and the farther we separate from the soul.

There are of course, those who having lost all faith in love turn lust into their flagship, but there is still hope even for them. The quest of love is different for everyone and there is no time frame to get there. We all make mistakes. It is a matter of seeing the mistake and changing our actions. 

Confusing sexual attraction with love gives us an extraordinary amount of energy, opening the mind to the wrong idea of love. It is also felt in the heart, hence the confusion. When a heart is not used to feel love, an emotion that alters our natural state might give us an indication that this is love. Lust is one of those emotions. Relationships built from lust do not have a long life. Some people call it a crush. Lust is also the cause of casual sex by the billions. Mixed with loneliness, both work as impulsive factors that are responsible for relationships which begin with sex and soon end in tears. 

A relationship built on lust alone cannot last, as one of its components is greed. When we follow its path, one experience, one person is never enough, and too soon we realise that it is not love, but something else. Everything that comes from lust fades away eventually. 

While having a healthy sexual attraction for our partners is necessary and cannot be avoided, when we are in love, sex is not the main element that attracts someone to another person, but an experience that happens naturally. A relationship that begins with love, however, could last forever. The principal reason why relationships fail is fear. Often we allow fear to enter our relationships from the very beginning without realising it. 

On the other hand, being sexually attracted to someone we love does not necessarily mean we are in lust. There is a thin line and deep within we all know the answer to this. There is not a magic formula that identifies either, although in most cases, lust takes the first step. Lust wants to take and possess. Love allows to let go. But even when we are in love we can fall into the possessive trap and turn love into something that is not. Being in love with someone does not guarantee success in a relationship unless we work for it every day. 

As a norm, lust ends in sex if both parts feel the same and agree to it. Perhaps the only suggestion to give here is that we should be clear about our intentions and communicate with other person. Everyone has a heart and everyone deserves to know the truth from the beginning. If it is not going to last longer than the next morning, it is a good idea for everyone to know. Not being honest in order to get what we want only speaks of fear, and deception leaves an energy that remains with us. Actions are followed by consequences, and every time we are responsible for what happens next.  

Whether lust is wrong or right, it is for everyone to decide. If anyone is bothered by it, the solution is simple in theory: abstinence. The more lust we experience, the more addictive it becomes.

We must do wrong until we learn from it and do right instead. Ideally, our mistakes shouldn't harm others. However, it is important to realise that for as long as we function out of lust, true love is not possible, as lust comes from fear. Perhaps the clearest example to illustrate this is alcohol, humanity's social lubricant. After a few drinks, our libido goes wild and sexual desire increases. Who has not woken up in the morning with someone else in bed and wished they hadn't, knowing that it was a few drinks what led us there?

When fear dies, desire dies along with it. Then, when we fall in love and the right kind of desire will appear, but then, it will not be lust, only love. And that is the moment in which we truly have a change to get what we want, to love and be loved.

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