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All Men Are The Same.

"All men are the same" is a statement voiced too often. These are words usually come after feelings of rejection and abandonment. It would be easy, even opportunistic to reply with the same old adagio that we´re not all the same, that some or many men do care, treat women with love, respect and a long string of convenient rhetoric. Such statement is also an opportunity to tackle the issue of how women may or may not be treating men in relationshipsThere´s a difference between opportunity and being opportunistic. One has to recognise and know the difference, then act accordingly. 

That every man is unique, different to every other man is not a secret to anyone. However, within the diversity in men, there's an element of uniformity that makes the previous statement a relative truth. Any man that knows his value and appreciates their uniqueness, won´t enter the comparison, nor react to such words. 

The fact that so many women affirm that all men are the same is not merely an expression after a frustrating experience, but one that has been repeated time and again. It has a deeper meaning. Perhaps it's not the best way to deal with the situation, but it is what we have right now. 

It might be time that men begin to listen and learn not to react, and without explanation of who one is to move outside the comfort zone. Just listen. There´s no need to explain ourselves. These words are a general feeling, the expression of an emotion. If men don´t want listen to it, it´s because we´re terrified of emotions we don't understand or might not want to understand; detached from the experience. The common, but not natural response is anger, so as to numb such feelings and emotions. 

It's also true that if a man has not participated in such experience they want to remove themselves from such reality, and not to respond to the call. It's also true that "all men are the same" is the voice of one of the oppressive energies of patriarchy.

Men are as emotional as women, but it's expressed in a different way. The reason why this is not recognised is that we seem to have taken monopoly over anger, as if of a birth right, discarding all other emotions. If we don´t listen to the collective is because we know there´s truth in such statement. Truth and responsibility are steps closer to intimacy, an abstract we´re terrified of, and one we don´t yet fully understand as a gender. When intimacy is reduced to the momentary pleasure, the instant gratification of the male genitalia by any means possible, we´re missing the connection with the deeper and greatest part of our own being. Without it, no man can create a deeper connection to another, nor expect to have a healthy relationship with a woman.

Anger is a defense mechanism. One that stops men from growing, perpetuating the tantrum of the inner child. 

The problem of uniformity.

However different one man is from another, we still move within the parameters imposed by patriarchy. The feelings and beliefs that society holds on women are deeply ingrained in the collective psyche. Misogyny is a real force, a belief that many men wouldn't recognise or won´t admit to hold in their belief's system. It's not easy to see where we might be going wrong. A woman is not only the object of affection, but possession. 

Patriarchy affects both men and women in different ways. Men are not free from its powerful grasp either, even though it is reflected in multiple ways wherever we are.

Misogyny, as well as patriarchy are energies that move powerfully through society with devastating effects. This is represented in several ways, but one in particular, seeing women as lesser beings, as a commodity to satisfy immediate needs, as someone who makes us look good in front of friends, family and peers. 

Peer pressure to act manly or cool in front of others slowly influences the development of a child and the person he´s to become. By acting in such uniformed ways, one loses authenticy, and you, a child that was born in love, with amazing gifts and an incredible potential become an obedient part of a system that suppresses the good qualities of any individual because we still follow the preaching of ´sacred´ scriptures and accept that women are a group destined to servitude. This is a convenient truth that doesn't help anyone.

One cannot be authentic while continue behaving within the established parameters of what a man is supposed to be or how to act. Without authenticity, you will never be able to show the world who you really are. While the steps to change and development into who you really are might not seem easy, with a bit of awareness and dedication this is possible sooner than you may think. 

How it affects men in relationships with women.

Men as a collective have earned the view women have of us, if not personally, by association or gender. Unfortunately there´s a large percentage of men who use and abuse opportunities, their position, relationship status, personal qualities and a woman´s feelings to feed selfish needs for a while, having no intention to stay in the relationship or to create a space between man and woman which they see and treat as sacred. History is written with countless crimes against women. What we do to others, we do to ourselves.

It's disheartening to meet a woman; to hear that "I has not been raped, but"  ... the silence that follows this sentence is filled with fear and desperation, knowing that this is a real possibility that's lurks around every corner. Without explaining, this sentence also tells of how she's been coerced in one way or another into sex. 

Every experience that a person goes through creates a memory, which is stored in body and mind. If the experience that a woman has with a man is negative, the memory will continue to be negative. Many men are currently paying the consequences for the actions of men in a woman's past. A bad experience creates a trigger. Triggers are followed by negative reactions. As a man, you might have never caused any harm to your partner, but you're facing the consequences of episodes in the past relationships. 

When a woman feels triggered, the man is automatically rejected, and as he feels rejected, he's also triggered, reacting accordingly and creating separation; followed by feelings of abandonment that if unexplored may cause further negative episodes. Trust is negatively affected, and if not dealt with appropriately, it could be beginning the end of the relationship. It's not that she doesn't trust you. She has learned not to trust men in general. What both partners need to know and recognise in this case, is that nothing of what's happening has anything to do with them. The initial trigger could be as simple as a loving word or the most gentle touch. It doesn´t necessarily have to be another negative experience. 

A man and a woman could be in love, experiencing the most romantic moment in their relationship and still be triggered by a past memories. A woman doesn´t have to go through the worst experience -violent or abusive- with a man. It´s possible that she´s triggered by a memory created in childhood. It´s as simple as grandfather touching his granddaughter´s face in a loving, but unwanted manner twenty years ago. What for a grandfather could be an act of love, it could be an invasive act for the child. 

The end of the affair.

The end of a relationship usually leaves a sour feeling, especially when it´s the partner´s choice. Whatever reasons they may have are irrelevant. What remains is the sudden feeling of abandonment; the sense that we´re no longer important to someone with whom we probably wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. The feeling of rejection deepens in the wound as an ex-partner moves on and begins a new relationship when one is still mourning the loss. New feelings emerge, resentment, anger, even hate. Now we definitely feel unimportant and rejected, more so when any opportunity of reconciliation vanishes the moment they're with someone else. They want to be in a relationship with someone, but not with us.

Such reaction is not surprising. Intimacy, love, happiness and friendship to name a few are removed from our lives within seconds.

These emotions could also be triggered by a brief affair. The relationship doesn't need to go deeper than a couple of nights together. There´s a lot to say on this subject, and there are healthy solutions to these common problems. However, it's too extensive a topic to treat it in one blog post, and it does take inner work. Work that many people are not willing to take on or don't know how or where to begin.

Uniqueness and integrity as the solution.

Appreciating our uniqueness is no longer enough in a world with hardly any values left, where many people take no accountability for their actions. We have to act on it, set a new imprint and move towards a healthier reality. A world that functions on the energy of immediate gratification is dysfunctional, as pleasure, love or happiness always come from external sources. Men have to step up, use their gift and make a difference. The actions of one man reflect on every other man, even though logic says that a woman should learn to differentiate between one man and the rest. 

There are many men out there who are not the same. Conscious men that do not enter this comparison. Everyone has a responsibility towards others. How we treat others define who we are. As the world is moving towards a more conscious reality, men who have chosen to lead a more conscious life must be the precursors of a new education. 

It's not necessary to spell it out. If you've been present in a bar conversation with other men, you will know what this is about. How many of those 'friends' would you trust to leave alone with your wife, girlfriend or daughter? 

There are wonderful aspects about masculinity that men could easily embrace, which in turn would make a difference, but we're still too preoccupied or reacting to the general view that women have of us. Women need men, as much as men need women, but not at any price. This works both ways. We all want more, deserve more. Everyone wants to love and be loved.

Reaction does not make a difference. The silent response of our actions does.

It might also be time for everyone to realise, both men and women, that we have to take responsibility, to begin to build the house from its foundations. Any man is a role model. What role model we decide to become is a personal choice. Taking responsibility comes with the realisation that the established system is never going to provide the type of education that teaches men and women to be a better person. 

An education that has been appropriate from childhood would not require people to seek to become a better person at a later stage in life, as high values would be already an intrinsic part in someone's belief system. The problem is that we're trained to be functional to provide for the needs of a patriarchal and capitalist system, not to be a person. 

To become a better person we learn with experience, making mistakes. No matter how many mistakes you might have made, every day is an opportunity to begin with a clean sheet. Who you were yesterday is not what or who you are today. If we continue behaving in the same way is because we choose to, not because we have to.

We are already born a better person. What happens between then and now has a lot to do with education and the basis of fear in which society continues functioning. A society in which no one is good enough. Everyone is good enough from the moment of birth. Sadly, we're educated to separate from who we truly are, acting accordingly until we learn better.

As men, it's our responsibility to the a proactive participant in a new education process, to share our knowledge and values with everyone. Every moment is an opportunity to impart such knowledge. Knowledge is only power when shared. The new education doesn't go through a classroom, but in the every day life. It's not about preaching, but leading by example, to identify and share the benefits of a healthier approach to relationships and how to treat and communicate with women, ourselves and the world.

It's clear that the current model has been obsolete for centuries. Every day is an opportunity to initiate change, one that benefits everyone involved in the situation. As someone considers a shift in attitude, those feelings and actions are not about becoming the hero that saves Damsel in distress, but to be a decent person. Not a man, nor a woman, but a person. 

The actions of a person can have a positive effect in the lives of thousands, so as to provide the basis of a world where love is possible. In the end, all comes to love. How we interact with the world determines the kind of love we give and receive, whether one is afraid of love or willing to risk it all for it; or if and when we lead a life in which love flows abundantly for every one. 

If the actions of one person can reflect on thousands, even millions, imagine what an effect the positive actions of many would have. You may never see or perceive such effects directly and you may never receive feedback or praise for who you are or what a positive impact you have in the world. Not everything is instant gratification. Instant gratification is another lie we've been sold and one which we buy on a daily basis. We have to learn to live with this fact of not knowing our impact in the world and the fact that the rewards will return in different ways from numerous sources. It's the law of cause and effect. 

There are solutions to every problem in relationships when both partners are willing to work on their issues. However, the perception from personal experience is that most people wait until the end of a relationship to take action, when nothing can be done to solve it. It's possible to foresee and tackle all issues as soon as they appear, to not allow it to deteriorate. If this is your case, feel free to contact me directly here, so as to identify the solutions that are already within you. It's possible to improve the world regardless of what you've been told. The change begins with the self, then, everything else begins to fall into place.

The amount of healthy and conscious men in the world is large, as well as increasing in numbers. Let's change the narrative, both men and women and see that there's much more to love than what one has experienced so far. A bad relationship does not define every woman, nor every man. 

It's not the all men are the same, but the view we have of others. There are many wonderful men listening to this desperate call, responding with a beautiful silence and who are engaged in amazing personal and collective projects to create change. They won't respond to the "all men are the same" call, nor will  you meet them while the vision puts us in the same box. We see what we want to see, we hear what we want to hear. Changing the narrative changes everything. No woman will meet this type of man, while believing we're all the same. 

Conscious men don't go where they're nor valued, nor have they any need to prove their worth to anyone. The intention to shift perceptions is there, the need to be recognised by their actions might not.

These men consciously work on themselves. They don't run away from relationships, nor are afraid of commitment. This kind of man lies within every man, and any woman has the power and ability to bring him to life. 

The Narcissist: Sleeping With The Enemy.

There are numerous publications on the figure of the narcissist. However varied such literature might be, it´s mainly focused on how to recognise it, the development of the imbalanced relationship, the consequences and the final and fatal outcome. Fatal would be an excessive adjective to describe this type of relationship if it wasn´t because a little part of us dies during the process. According to all texts that I´ve come across, there´s no future, neither for the narcissist, nor with them. There´s always a solution to everything. 

It´s essential to realise that the figure of the narcissist is one not to be idealised. As important as not to bash them either. They do a good job themselves romanticising their life, their pain and their own persona. Criticising them or pointing out their flaws or intentions is just another way of perpetuating the myth; of validating them. What we give our attention to keeps the energy of the situation flowing. 

It´s also important to remember that everyone has narcissistic features, that we all seek validation in one way or another. While seeking external validation is a natural step in the process of life and one habit that brings immediate gratification, it´s also a way to meet with disappointment time and again. This world is designed to project rejection wherever we are or whatever interaction we have with others. 

Breathe! It doesn´t mean that everyone is a narcissist. There´s nothing wrong with seeking external validation until it´s found within.

The narcissist, as everyone else is someone seeking love; to love and be loved. Like everyone else, they´re also deserving of love. How they go about it is a different story. They´re likely to be addicted to love, to be seeking the ideal, perfect partner. The problem is that no one matches their ideal of perfection other than their own. 

A narcissist is a walking paradox. They seek love, while at the same time raising every barrier to love they can think of. This is a person that hurts. They will let you know and you will know about it, because as they hurt, they shamelessly hurt you. It´s also a possibility that they don´t admit to suffering. They´re above all things human! Hurting others is a fact that they are aware of. They simply don´t know how to stop it, nor they feel what others feel. 

Arrogance, hate and vengeance are the vital forces of the narcissist. It´s true that the best way to deal with them is not to deal with them at all. The vision of the world and the conviction in their idiosyncrasies are deeply rooted in character and personality so as to be challenged, hence inducing change. A narcissist lives by a logic that might not make sense to others, but that´s powerful and effective in its eloquent rhetoric. 

While it could be difficult to move them from their strong convictions, it´s not impossible. If there´s someone who wants to learn, improve themselves and change to a better version of themselves, that would be a narcissist. Not everything is lost. There´s a better future and reality for everyone, including the narcissist. 

One undeniable truth is that everyone lives by what we believe to be true. What one has grown to believe as an absolute truth, does not necessarily make it neither true, nor absolute. Narcissist or not, conscious change only occurs when there´s a self-realisation followed by awareness and a new interpretation of truth. Personal beliefs are constantly challenged by external circumstances, but it´s up to every individual to challenge their own and choose a conscious change if this is their decision. The narcissist dismisses any challenging truth.

Eventually what everyone will regret at some point in their lives is that we didn´t accept truths that take us closer to who we really are earlier, not that we might have been wrong. Everyone is wrong about something, and everyone makes mistakes. The sooner we reach inner truth, the freer we will be. Obstinate opposition to truth is nothing but a prison we all wish to escape. 

The image and denunciation of the narcissist on social media has acquired the form a witch hunt. While being aware of the intricacies and consequences in a relationship with a narcissist, so as to being aware of what and who we´re dealing with, pointing fingers at anyone from a position of moral superiority is quite a narcissistic attitude in itself.

A person grows to be a narcissist due to lack of love and constant denial of who and what they truly are. Anything but love thrown at them will only serve to make them stronger in their position. One day humanity will learn that the only way to change is through love and lack of judgement. 

No one changes while being exposed to anger or fear.

A narcissist, like everyone else is a human being. We do this together or not at all. Something else is to continue validating their actions unconditionally in the name of love. If it hurts, it's not love. They could be the most enchanting people; even have a kind and warm heart. They usually are charming and charismatic and know how to get what they want. This knowing makes the narcissist so powerful.  If they don´t get what they want from you, they will get it somewhere else.

The problem lies in the fact that what they need takes a toll on others. The narcissist will take anything they want from anyone by any means possible within reason. They thrive on their selfish sense of entitlement. Most of their actions will follow automatic patterns and habits. Whatever harm comes to others is never they're problem, but someone else's weakness. In many ways it could be argued that their actions are unconscious or follow the only truth they've known so far. However damaging their actions are, like everyone else, they're learning and growing. 

In relationships, a narcissist will approach close enough to create interest. This is how they hook people. Once the interest has been created, they feign ignorance of such fact and would always put it back on you. They will never admit to be that interested in you and if they do, they'd pretend that the feeling is not as strong as yours. This gives them the upper hand, as well as to receive a devoted attention to their persona. Attention that later on they'll pretend not to want nor appreciate either. 

The imbalance in relationships is created, never real. A narcissist like everyone else can fall madly in love with someone else. For a person that doesn't feel that they're good enough -as this is their real problem and the cause of all mayhem they create- being in love with someone else connects them with a vulnerability in which they don't feel safe. Being in love opens a sense of dependency and the abysmal possibility of being abandoned. Jealousy inevitably follows on their part. The answer to this threat is to end the relationship even when they're in love. It's a way of being in control and to make the separation less painful. There are more hearts to break out there. 

The narcissist begins to learn as they grow up, internalising and processing what they learn. Let's not forget that what they seek is love. One can move from relationship to relationship without feeling nor emotion, but eventually that person that reaches deep in their hearts will turn up. Finally someone they truly want to be with and that matches their expectations. One might be confident in their own secluded and safe reality for years, but what no one can ever do is to underestimate people. 

Through love, a narcissist is looking for a exit from their prison. They´re aware of this fact even if they don´t admit it. 

Heartbreak changes the narcissist forever. By leaving a relationship one can convince themselves that there's neither pain, nor emotion. It's a survival instinct, but once love has rendered the heart soft and open before someone else, the narcissist's tools for survival become useless. They might continue hurting the other person, as they hurt themselves. At this point they face a reality they've never experienced before. How to deal with real love. At this stage, their ideal of love is being challenged and even if only for a while, they'll do their best to adjust to a new reality.

Their response to a break up can vary. Pretending that the emotion is not there might work for a while, even for years, but it's also an energy that has been stored in their hearts and bodies and that it's likely to hit them back when least expected. Their arrogance is at once, fuel and their perdition, as people are taken for granted. Not everyone is willing to put up with the shenanigans of a narcissist. 

There are several scenarios in which a narcissist may gain conscience of the consequences of their acts, and with it, a new awareness. They all relate to a sense of loss, whether this is heartbreak or the loss of something valuable to them, the effect is similar. 

What needs to be understood about the narcissist is that this is still a child that hurts. They may Gaslight others, keep them small, dismiss the good in people others until there´s nothing to be liked in them in order to keep themselves safe. Admitting to like a new reality is admitting to love, and that is too vulnerable, for most people, not only a narcissist. 

The way to deal with the narcissist is not to believe any belittling that comes from them and letting them go. This is unfamiliar territory for them, a place in which they´d be forced to think. However difficult this decision can be, one has to consider what´s the need for someone to remain in an unhealthy situation until there´s nothing good left in us. The longer one remains in a relationship with a narcissist, the weaker and needier one becomes. Get out while you have the strength to move on. 

The emotional attachment might make the separation heartbreaking, but for as long as the situation is validated by giving unconditional attention to them, the worst the outcome will be. 

I´ve loved one narcissist or two in my life, and still do, as there was in them a part so authentic, so enchanting and beautiful that made life a wonderful place to be, but as I found self-respect and self-love, I also found the strength to move on. Yes, I left with the question in heart and mind of what could have been of us together, a question that will never be answered in reality. This is an answer that I know it in my heart. I left them with love and a broken heart to think about. I won't deny that leaving hurt so, but I left in the most loving way while we were both still in love. To this day, no one heard me say a bad word about them. Personally, I wish them all the best they can get in life. Now and then. 

What the narcissist doesn't know is that they will continue looking for me and you and he or she in another person and will never find us. They don't know that the sense of loss and separation grows within. Anything, but to look within. 

If you tried and gave your best, don´t be afraid to move on with love. For as long as we continue accepting what we don´t want, we will never get what we want. It´s that simple. 

We live in a narcissistic society that continues to tell everyone that we´re not good enough. A society that is neither kind, nor loving. The emergence of the figure of the narcissist is no wonder, but almost a necessity. It´s not the best way to get what one wants, as it hurts others, but it has to be understood and considered that perhaps this is the only way we know. 

With their actions and way of living, the narcissist is preserving and defending everything that´s good in them. It´s form of self-preservation, self-validation and self-belief. Believe it or not, they´re are one step ahead of the rest in finding love and everything they want. There is a positive to being selfish as long as it doesn´t involve taking anything from others. The hurt they create and spread will be their downfall. What we reap we saw and it always comes back in one way or another. 

Eventually the narcissist will fall to rise once again. With every fall we have an opportunity to rise again to a different and better version of ourselves. How many times we fall is up to everyone. Having the opportunity of humbly waking up to a new reality, a new you is a personal choice. This is when growth takes place. Going back to the same old reality and old ways of behaving after a fall is in itself a selfish act. What does that remain you of?

People, narcissistic or not, respond to love, kindness and a caring and nurturing environment in which they can express themselves freely. Freedom is what they and all of us are looking for. If Narcissus one day decided to withdraw proud to the reflection of his own beauty and disdain everyone who loved him is because perhaps the reality he met was not really love. 

It's important not to take any criticism that comes from a narcissist personally. They will always try and make you believe that it's all your fault; the fact that they're jealous or angry or not feeling loved. Face them with the truth and leave it there. It's important that they hear who and what they're are at that stage in life, so as to create a new awareness that might eventually initiate change in them. If the situation becomes unattainable, leave. In their pride they will find a way to rationalise that they left you at least to the gallery. Deep within they know the truth. 

No matter what. Wish them well and leave with love. 

Personally I know that leaving a relationship is not a healthy step. However, when a relationship has run its course and all that causes is pain, suffering and even despair throughout, if you did your best to accommodate, compromise and work things out, it might be the healthier step you can give towards a better life. Do it with love, forgive the other and forgive yourself. Sometimes leaving is an act of self-love.

Finally, you might want to realise and accept that there's a brighter future for the narcissist, and that you might not be a part in it. 


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Emotional Suicide: The High Cost Of An Unfeeling Life.

It´s easy to numb feelings in a world that constantly nudges people with contradictory, messages and unreal expectations dictating what a person has to do, feel, think or be. By the time someone decides to live an unfeeling life, they have already developed a marked character, personality and a set of beliefs that will define their identity probably for the rest of their existence. 

Even though they´re equal in nature, the delivery of these messages and expectations are different, more calculated and subtle. They´re echoes of what parents, family, friends and teachers taught or tried to teach you from an early age, but also unloving and with the deliberate intention to show that you´re not enough. It´s a clever way to tell you that you that you don´t have free will or any other choices than those already formulated.

There´s a moment in childhood in which almost everyone somehow gives in to the formulaic ways of the world in order to be loved. While love is what we seek, most of us would be contented with being accepted by others in order not to feel alone. The alternative, not conforming to parental rules or society's expectations can be the beginning of a tough life, but also an interesting and fascinating one. Eventually we all bite the bait in one way or another, but those seeking to see the freedom within represented in the outside world won't stay for too long and will move on to new adventures. It's the call of the soul.

The process of adaptation to the world in a child is heartbreaking. Children's actions are founded on love, but as what the child receives in return is far from it, one tends to withdraw. Love and trust make us vulnerable. This vulnerability is understood by the world as weakness. Any kind of emotion whether in a man, a woman or a child is met with condescending or bullying. Even the most loving parents can bully their children. Often, their bullying actions are conscious, but even when their intentions are to toughen up their children, it causes a damage that can be irreparable in many individuals. It also displays the actions and beliefs of an unconscious person.

The immediate reaction in a child is to numb their feelings in order to survive, to preserve the inner beauty for better days. This is an instinctual reaction that serves as a defense mechanism. The barriers we create to love work in both ways. They protect us from being hurt, but also prevent us from fully loving. One can still experience love or to fall in love momentarily, but by this point, love is something not to trust. The unconscious speaks to body and mind of a previous hurt; one that one might not even remember as it occurred at an early age. 

It's not fear what scares people most; it's love.

Some people would never believe they have been traumatised, nor admit to trauma, as they experienced what it's considered a normal and loving childhood. Sometimes the sense of abandonment can be as simple as a parent being distracted for a few seconds during an interaction. It doesn't have to be a violent event. 

Detached or unloving parents can have a traumatic effect on children, leading the towards an unfeeling life.

Fear of love influences every romantic relationship. Numbing feelings is a form of slow suicide; one that deters the individual from loving fully. People can still fall in love, if only for a while, but at the first symptom of abandonment from their partners, they'll withdraw. 

A blog entry on fear of love can be found on this link.

Choosing an unfeeling life leads to create a narcissistic personality to one degree or another. Everyone has narcissistic tendencies. Some develop them more than others. It's possible to return to love from a narcissistic personality, but that would be a theme for a different blog post. 

In this way, an individual will choose a partner they don't really want to be with. It's easier to leave them. For this purpose they grow feelings for someone to experience love, but never to have a long term or meaningful relationship with. In some cases such approach might backfire, as they do fall in love, at which point they'll begin to sabotage the relationship in every possible way they can imagine until their partners see no other option that to leave. A person that is closed to love would sacrifice a relationship with a person they'd probably spend their lives with, just not to feel vulnerable. 

All barriers to love raise once again. They feel numb and their minds rationalise thousand excuses not to love the person they're in love with. These type of people move on to another relationship fairly quick, if not immediately, as deep inside they feel empty and alone. They need company, as well as feeling loved and wanted. The paradox here is that they can't live without love. Once again they'll choose someone they can't love, and in occasions someone they might not even find that attractive. It's a safe zone in which they can be strong and in control. Anything is valid in order not to show the vulnerability that appears when we fall in love. 

Numbing feelings might offer the impression that one is safe momentarily. It could be for long periods of time, years of even a lifetime, but there's a point in which missing someone they want to have a deeper connection with present itself. The longer we choose to remain in the prison of an unemotional life, the harder feelings and emotions will hit at a later stage.

The only escape from feelings and emotions is to feel.

The approach to life is unconscious. A decision that most likely was taken in childhood and which can affect the most wonderful people. This is one of the reasons why people do not meet their ideal partner. While someone is being distracted by lovers, meaningless affairs and people they can't really love, the ideal partner is elsewhere leading a different life, but also waiting for them. It does take courage to love.

An unemotional life also prevents the individual from showing their best and unique qualities to themselves, as well as to the world. It prolongs the feeling that you're not enough, and even though it's not admitted, a strong sense that you might not deserve love. Either way, it hurts. Being brave enough to admit it to yourself is an entirely different story.

There's true magic in love and in unleashing the authenticity of the true self. The magic within each person is endless. It transforms lives, states of being, improves health, as well as personal lives and relationships. 

While this is a common problem in modern society, it's not one to be judged, but exposed. Numbing feelings might prevent negative feelings and emotions from reaching the heart, but it also prevents to live a life In Love, which is where we come from and where we all belong. 

An unemotional life also has consequences in relationships with other people, especially friends and family. As the barriers grow stronger, sharper and more numerous, it's almost unavoidable to hurt others, including ourselves. It creates isolation, depression and despair, a further sensation of being not good enough or being undeserving of love. 

As one feels that they're not deserving of love, the believe that others aren't also grows. No one will ever be enough. From then on it's a long and painful journey back to love. The safety one believes they live surrounded by increases insecurities, affecting self-esteem negatively. 

There's a way out of this prison through feeling and emotions. The more we feel, the less one will be affected by such emotions. Emotions become weaker opening up the wonders we all have within, to a life of authenticity, inner peace and confidence in which anyone would experience a healthier state of being, living in the knowing and patience that love is always at reach. It allows us not only to open up channels to find true love with the ideal person, but to improve our relationships with others. 

There's always a solution to everything. It's as simple as taking the lead and give one step forward and out of the prison one day at a time. There's no rush. Whether you're single or in a relationship, use your time and energy to improve yourself to do all those things that you always wanted to do, to follow your dreams, to learn new and different things, to visit new places. The list is endless. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and see the magic happen. 

There's a high cost to an unemotional life, which is not to live from your heart; not to live at all. One might feel protected in this situation while young, somehow feeling invincible and immortal, but there's regret at the end of the tunnel. Regret for an unloving and unexplored life. There's no such thing as an adventure, if this adventure is not travelled within.

Vulnerability makes us stronger, as we rediscover a new type of strength and confidence that lie within. It takes you beyond fear. Sometimes a leap of faith is as simple as that.


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Men And Emotions: The Legacy Of Patriarchy.

The emotional body is formed by unprocessed feelings and emotions. Feelings and emotions arise from personal experience. These also received and perceived from the collective experience. Everything is energy. Everything is connected. When not felt and processed, the energy produced remains stored in the body causing all sorts of automatic reactions, creating habits, patterns in behaviour and even influencing someone´s character and personality. The energetic legacy that a person can unknowingly carry is not limited to what they experienced in life, but also the legacy of centuries of patriarchy with everything that it entails. 

In many ways, the human being is a ´puppet´ to the emotional body. Feeling helps to process emotions, and through feeling one can find the source of the emotion, so as to separate from it. A memory, a situation of the past always finds triggers in the present bringing up the same uncomfortable emotion. There´s no escape from emotion. An unprocessed emotion will always come back.

As women are more expressive with their emotions, it´s popular belief that they hold the exclusivity. This is not only an illusion, but a convenient truth perpetuating the lie of the patriarch. Women are in touch with a wider array of emotions. It´s that simple.

Popular belief does not necessarily match the truth. In fact, currently there´s not much truth circulating the world, neither personal, nor collective while individuals and society lives imprisoned within the emotional body.

The energetic legacy can be understood from the perspective that everything -past, present and future- is here and now. It´s not so much that we´re dragging the heavy burden of a shameful history and bad education, but that we continue doing, thinking and believing centuries of indoctrination based on fear. 

It´s shocking, although not surprising, that in the era of information when truth can  be easily identified, humanity continues reinforcing a system that is obsolete, going against personal and collective interest. It´s no longer necessary for the elites to control the masses; we do it to ourselves.

The elites do as they please. We respond to everything by going on a tantrum on social media, displaying the attitude of the inner child. A child that has to be nurtured and loved if we want him and her to grow up. 

The common belief is that men are not emotional. There´s a degree of truth to the previous statement, as men are not taught to express or process their emotions, but to suppress them instead. This is, however, a trend that´s changing. From an early age, boys are encouraged to be strong and competitive, to be the best, to not cry, to man up, to deal with it. Everything that their parents couldn´t be, they have to become.

Tears, which are natural in a human being, whether male or female, are interpreted as a sign of weakness. This is another common belief. It´s no wonder that collective consciousness is at an all time low. Tears are healing, liberating, and intrinsic and natural vehicle in a human being on the path to freedom. 

We cry as children when facing a situation that separates us from the truth of the soul, somehow knowing and accepting that this is the way is going to be from then on. Eventually that child is so absorbed by the new reality that the only way to go along with it, is to block the emotion. Boys train themselves not to cry, so as to avoid being seen as weak; to try and prevent uncomfortable situations such as bullying or name calling. 

The pressure that a boy of a young age feels to be ´strong´ is unbearable, as well as destructive. Little by little, this boy would learn to suppress their emotions, separating from his true essence. The truth is that such interpretation has the opposite effect. It makes us weak. Inner strength always remains within, but being able to connect with it can prove to be a hard task. Men are not weak, we´ve been made to believe that we are.

A boy´s childhood can be compared to a boot camp, a period in which a child is merely trained to make it in the competitive world. Fortunately, this is also another trend that is changing. The pressure one is put under is not to be taken lightly or something that one can just "get over it". As a child learns to suppress feelings and emotions, he´s also learning to negate the best in themselves until all or most of their natural abilities are forgotten. 

In time such disconnection is represented by an unreal and ´weak´version of what this child could have been. It´s through feeling and processing emotions that one returns to rediscover the treasures everyone holds within. It´s never too late. 

Suppressing our natural abilities causes boys and men to focus on external, superficial expression. Everything becomes superficial. As we lose the connection with the core, the impression is that nothing and no one has depth, a soul, not even a heart. From this moment on, and as we hurt inside, we have a ´licence´ to hurt others. Natural empathetic abilities are lost, and as we can´t feel, the belief is that others can´t either. 

Living an unfeeling life, it´s no wonder how appallingly one human being can treat another.

The truth is that everyone hurts. Everyone is on the same boat. Everyone has a soul that is pushing through to come out once again to show the best of ourselves. Pain and suffering won´t stop to appear in the most uncomfortable ways until we reconnect with the inner truth once again, and by default with universal truth.  

Men are emotional like any human being. However, the emotional scope in men is limited to emotions that are socially acceptable to feel and express. The association with strong and aggressive emotions such as anger or rage might give the impression that men have disassociated from others such as shame, sadness. Yes, there are bouts of happiness or joy, but a person who´s permanently associated with anger cannot be a happy person. This applies equally to both men and women.

In order to avoid feelings of shame, abandonment or being not enough is usually covered up by anger, thus avoiding to deal with the real emotion and current situation. 

The figure of the angry man perfectly illustrates this point. This is a figure that has been elevated to a mythological status,  and which promotes more anger. The social validation of men, anger and the spontaneous reactions and consequences form a dangerous cocktail. Prisons are full of angry men, as graveyards are inhabited by the victims of such fear and anger.

It´s acceptable to be the ´angry man´ when our past has a trail of hardship, and by default understood as a natural cause in someone´s life. It´s not associated with an emotional state, but as a consequence of difficult life experiences. In the case of women, -rumour has it- they´re are always emotional, as women can move from anger to sadness to happiness within in a short period of time. It´s a way to process feelings and emotions faster. It doesn´t mean that women have learned to deal with their emotions in order to fully heal either. But how could they -or men or children for that matter- seeing how they´re treated feeling constantly threatened with anger, rape or violence? 

Men do not escape the constant threat either. Everyone is vulnerable. We just got used to it and deal with it in a different manner.

It´s ok to feel and express anger. Anger is a energy that when used creatively can bring extraordinary results. Many of the experiences both, men and women go through during childhood does not invite healthier feelings. Being angry is a sign that one is not enough. To feel that you are not enough is one thing, the truth is something different. You are enough. Everyone is enough. Whether you´re a man or a woman, you´re enough. 

Society´s validation or compliance with the figure of the angry man is the shameful legacy of patriarchy. An angry man that´s causing mayhem led by a set of false beliefs accepted as the only truth. The inner child only knows one truth, and it´s not a good one.

Reconnecting with the body:

In order to avoid emotions, men tend to process situations mentally, thus creating further disconnection between mind and body. In so many ways emotions are useless, as are our mindless reactions to them.

Avoiding emotions causes an energetic imbalance. Reacting with anger to every emotion produces the same effect. However, processing emotions allows everyone to return to their true essence. From an early age everyone is told that we´re not good enough and made to feel so. By accepting and continuing with the types of behaviour that at one point in childhood we knew to go against our true nature, not only we validate the statement that we´re not enough, we embrace and embody it. 

There´s a time in life in which one ought to take responsibility for who we are, and if we don´t like it, change it. It's time to stop blaming our parents, society and their entire world for our unsatisfactory lives. We are society. What every man has to be aware of is that their beliefs, thoughts, behaviour and actions are representative of the collective. Every man´s action is reflected on every other man across the world. As it is, any man has to make strenuous efforts in order to prove to the world that they can be trusted, to clear an image that has been tarnished by the behaviour of every man before we arrive to the place we´re now. 

Like everyone else I personally went through a long period in which I was made to believe that I was not enough. Even though since the moment of birth I´ve always felt complete, knowing that I was enough, there were times of doubt, low moods, despair, anger and rage, as I continued to listen to the oppressive noise of the world. 

Everything began to change when I realised that the noise of the world was merely an internal voice that I kept repeating to myself. As I got in touch with who I really am, I neither doubt myself, nor have the need to prove myself to anyone. When someone else´s doubt is thrown at and projected on me I respond with a powerful silence. If anything, the doubt of others serves me a compass that shows me where to remain or not.  

Having to prove ourselves to others due to the fears and insecurities of others only serves to deviate from who we are in order to please them. It´s offensive to my authenticity; an insult to my true essence. 

My thoughts, beliefs, behaviour and actions speak for themselves. I do not need to speak about it. I am, of course not perfect, nor I want to be. Nor I am better or worse that anyone else. Just different.

However much I´ve always identified with the knowing that this life is about being a better person, not a man or woman, I´m also aware that biologically I was born male. I am also every man, as you are. I´ve chosen what kind of man and person I am and want to be. What kind of man you are and decide to be, is up to you. Just know and remember that your actions and behaviour is projected on every other man, and that in itself is a great responsibility. 

It's exhausting to have to pay for the mistakes of others for the mere fact of sharing the same gender.

Every day we are face with multiple choices that determine whether we're authentic and true to our inner truth or we continue pleasing the dictate of the patriarch. it's hard to be authentic to our true nature in a world in which everyone seems to be offended. Taking offense is just another shield to avoid responsibility and emotion, so as to stay in the uncomfortable comfort zone.

For what's worth, many women lately are also choosing anger in order to avoid feeling and emotion. Everyone needs to take responsibility for their feeling and emotions or this is not going to end well. 

There's freedom within you, but you have to feel and probably cry your way to it. There's an easier path to freedom, and it's here: The Key To Abundance.


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The Key To Abundance, Ascension And The Higher Self.

Within each individual there´s an inner compass which allows them to follow the path towards abundance in all forms imaginable. Unfortunately it remains overlooked in the shadows of the unconscious. People are hardly aware that it exists, as society rarely provides the appropriate parameters and platforms for personal realisation. Everyone knows the meaning of integrity, but rarely its true value or what's gained by embracing its energy.

We´re all society, therefore, what everyone does to improve it and change it with the purpose of creating a world that serves the needs of everyone, not only a few, is of the utmost importance. 

Everyone´s contribution is important. No exceptions. Sometimes all that is required is a simple act of kindness. There´s no need for great achievements, nor grand, public eloquent gestures. Simplicity contains an enchanting energy, which is often overlooked. Simple, is enough. Everyone can do their best without comparing to what others may or may not do. To improve the world, we improve ourselves. 

The world is in serious need of a new education system that provides true knowledge and the suitable tools that people can manage from the moment of birth in order to grow up with the feelings of internal peace, love and happiness. An education that tells everyone that we are good enough as we are. An education that is not based on fear. As currently this is not the case, one has to return to love learning how to along the way.

This inner compass is integrity. The definition of integrity is: "the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles that you refuse to change". It also means, wholeness, undivided. 

When we look at this definition, it's easy to interpret that being honest and having moral principals must match those already established by society, religion and tradition. 

The kind of integrity that allows an individual to reach a certain level of awareness and conscience, so as to become whole again and in touch with the higher self, might differ from that of the uniformity of society. It can be recognised through feelings and emotions. Every person on earth is given multiple choices daily being free to opt for one or another at any given time. These choices do not always represent a moral dilemma. A person could be following a certain type of diet and decide to skip it when no one is looking. It is the feeling that follows after, which affects emotions, the state of being and always comes with a lesson. 

Actions, thoughts or a few spoken words are inevitably followed by feelings. In order to sharpen the senses, so as to identify this inner compass one needs to pay attention the immediate feeling. It's easy to recognise, not always easy to follow. A clear example of how an action or a situation affects someone's emotional field is as simple as to look for a cafeteria or a bar. There are places someone would not visit because it offers a vibe that does not match their energetic field. When this is the case, to enter a place not of our liking causes an uncomfortable emotion. The feeling was already there at the door, as a premonition of the emotion to come. Why we keep choosing the wrong place to be might have to do with the fact that uncomfortable is familiar. Familiar is not necessarily healthy.

The same applies in interactions with people. A person chooses to communicate with some people, but not with others. The key to find it is in everyone's personal choices. During communication with others, the problem arises when the people one chooses to mix with do not add any value to their lives or personal growth, but subtract time and energy instead, and yet, they do continue engaging with the same people for different reasons.

These are simple examples that help to identify what one is truly looking for; an emotional state of well being. Integrity is a commitment to the self, not so much to others. Acting in ways that deface our values and integrity due to peer pressure never brought any good to anyone. It causes separation from the core. The more these actions are repeated the longer is the journey back home, the journey to love.

Following the integrity compass might not be an easy task. It requires to abandon habits, certain beliefs and ideas that at some point were understood as truth and might be deeply ingrained in one's belief system. This represents one of the major obstacles in personal growth. People don't like changes. They might not be supportive nor understanding of the new you. 

It's impossible to have integrity and follow your dreams while still trying to please everyone around. It might take a lot of courage and a great amount of energy to be yourself once the process of expansion and growth has begun, but it's worth it. 

If there's no commitment to the self, there can be no growth or it would be delayed for as long as we stand on the fence pondering whether we should be authentic or not. Often, what deters someone is not others, but one's own fear of the unknown, fear of leaving behind certain aspects of their lives and personality traits that have been with the during a long part of the journey. Not knowing what comes next, may lead to doubt and hesitation. While we wait to give a step forward in the right direction the same mistakes are repeated again and again.

Embracing integrity brings one great benefit to life, which is the narrowing down of the options left ahead. As you leave what no longer serves you, you will be presented with different choices and opportunities carrying different energies that would certainly lead to better emotional states. No one can jump from one stage to the other without removing habits, beliefs and actions that only act as heavy burdens. Being used to it doesn't mean that we must follow them by inertia. It's essential to let go. 

However comfortable one may be to continue acting in the old ways, it is perhaps important to notice that many of these types of behaviour, habits, actions and thoughts have been conditioned by others, society, culture or religion and that in most cases have been adopted in order to survive; in order to be accepted. Question everything. 

It's also possible that mistakes made are not fully conscious. For this reason, paying attention to our emotional state at the time would provide with an answer. In a way, this is trial and error process. You are the student and the teacher. If one continues seeking an answer, they will certainly find it.

As one growths in integrity, they create a different energy within, one which is more in tune with the true self. The new energy vibrates at a different frequency attracting new people and situations. It's a matter of feeling and emotion. Do you feel depleted, numb or uplifted?

Perhaps it's easy to embrace integrity when alone, but the true challenge comes when communicating with others. This aspect is the of the utmost importance and one we have to pay attention to. It's often the case that we talk to people expressing fear, as if coercing them into making a decision that they'd rather didn't take, in order to be benefited from such interaction. When communicating with others, they must feel the freedom to make their own choice, transmitting an energy that whatever the outcome may be, we remain unaltered. It's their life, their decision, thus it's a situation that should benefit them.

We can't talk of love while we're trying to achieve it by fear. If it's not love, is better not to have it at all.

There is a child within, a child that exists long before the inner child is born and who has all the answers. Integrity is what that child would do in each situation. When in doubt, ask the child, they have feelings too. Which emotional state this child lives in is always up to you. Integrity is the path to freedom, where love lives. You were once that child; whole and undivided. You're complete as you are, but you might not remember.