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A Response To Matt Damon's Polemic Different Levels Of Sexual Abuse.


Before the #metoo movement swept collective conscience like a storm, I had already written an article entitled ‘All Men Are The Same’ in which it was suggested that it's time for men to listen to the major outcry against sexual harassment against women, initially originated behind Hollywood’s screens, but that has been proven to be a problem everywhere else in the world. Today is perhaps necessary to give a step forward, not suggesting, but telling men to simply to say nothing at all. It seems that before someone experiences the amazing qualities of silence, one must first learn not to say anything. We don't always have to comment on everything to show our 'wisdom'. There's more wisdom in silence than there could ever be in words. 

Pay attention to the silent people.

When we give an opinion on something we don't know of; in this case due to lack of personal experience, we only contribute negatively to increase the noise of the world, which in turn stops the appropriate spaces in which people can explore their emotions freely and healthily. The noise of the world or the mindless contribution to it are passive, sometimes not so passive aggressive forms of expression that keep, not only the human being, but collective consciousness low. 

If you feel as you've never been neither heard, nor seen, that no one understand you, it is the same principle. Everyone has an expert opinion on your life before you speak. 

Stirring collective conscience might have not yet made much difference in some people, but it has certainly planted a seed for change.

The following article is a response to actor Matt Damon’s reply, who said "that there was “a difference between patting someone on the butt and rape or child molestation. Both of those behaviours need to be confronted and eradicated without question, but they shouldn’t be conflated.” 

His comment was followed by Minnie Driver’s response arguing that “men “simply cannot understand what abuse is like on a daily level” and should not therefore attempt to differentiate or explain sexual misconduct against women.

While it could be argued that it’s true to a certain degree that such behaviours may appear to be different types of abuse, what men and society in general cannot yet grasp is that the trauma suffered by a victim of any abuse, being this sexual, or any other kind cannot be in any way diminished by comparing it to another, which is supposedly more traumatic.

Trauma is not a competition. It’s time for everyone to take a step back, breathe deeply and hold a moment or a lifetime of silence while examining collective and personal conscience. Coincidentally, this article caught me writing a related blog post, which is a guideline on how to listen to trauma, in order to assist others in their healing process and which can be found below.

There cannot be a shift in consciousness, if conscience is not shifted before. It’s a necessary step.

Much work needs to be done, so as to change beliefs and behaviours that facilitate equality for all. A world without equality will never provide for all the necessary elements that contribute to create a thriving society that serves everyone’s needs. While everyone plays a different part in society, and some may consider themselves outsiders or against the system; everyone is society.

The fact that someone might believe that they’re above, morally superior to others or simply outsiders, is the loud representation, somehow histrionic and neurotic, of a narcissistic society in which almost everyone is crying out for attention and popularity.

Silence is an extraordinary source of wisdom and knowledge in which an individual can develop empathy, kindness, courage or love, to name a few of the qualities that so absent seem to be in this world. Qualities that otherwise everyone has, but which cannot be exercised, nor developed, for as long as, everyone insists on imposing their story. Your story is important and must be told in order to heal and develop, but there is a time and place for this and for everyone.

Diminishing someone’s trauma as Matt Damon did it’s a clear sign that men are not listening, but neither are a large number of women who take the same stand on this issue. In his case, this argument is even more aggravating, as due to fame and social status, he’s a role model to many to follow. Considering that most opinions and 'knowledge' are formed these days from what we hear from others, everyone could do with pausing and thinking of the consequences of their words before they speak, not just Matt Damon. Sexual abuse in its many different forms is a plague that affects women daily; a problem that society has not yet done anything to solve. Patriarchal society is a big bully that continues promoting this kind of behaviour by not proposing solutions such as education. It seems more important to learn how to pass an exam with knowledge that will never be used after school than to teach children or people what it means to be human.

Sexual abuse in children is also endemic. The cruelty and ignorance of the human being seems to have no limits. 

Patriarchy oppresses children, women and men in different ways, but it does oppress everyone. Denying its existence, as many men do, is simply a coping mechanism, which conveniently allows the continuance of rape culture.

Trauma affects everyone in different ways, and what it might not be perceived as traumatic by someone, it could and does represent a serious burden to someone else. It’s impossible to compare. Every trauma is important to whoever is dealing with it daily. 

Years ago, in a conversation with a friend with whom I became very close during a series of retreats, he told me that his trauma was small compared to mine, almost being apologetic for allowing such ‘trivial trauma’ to influence his life in the ways it did. My response then was the same that it is now: trauma affects the individual according to their experience. My trauma is not bigger or smaller than yours; just different. What it might appear to be trivial, hides depths not always perceived by the untrained eye, but that it can have terrible consequences to the person experiencing the trauma.

It would have been easy to accept that my experience was worse than his, due to the fact that it had more special effects, more violence, more physical, emotional and psychological pain. It would have certainly added drama to it, a sense of self-importance, as if traumas were intrinsic talents to a person. Removing the mine-is-bigger-than-yours-element helped to establish equality, and by doing so it was possible to create the synergy that allowed us to learn from and support each other; and in time, to build the trust and necessary common ground to give each other feedback.

In regards to sexual harassment, sexual assault or rape, the same principle applies. It’s not possible for anyone to establish how an incident affects a woman, nor the depth or consequences of it, as it is a unique personal experience. It is precisely someone’s experiences what determines the reach of the trauma and its consequences. No one knows what is like breaking a leg until it breaks. Some people have more resistance to pain than others, different age or are mentally stronger or weaker than others. The elements and circumstances are numerous, therefore, it is impossible to know unless it’s their own experience. The point is that every fracture is different, and so is every person.

There are two important facts that men are missing. One is that the actions of one man reflects on other men. Any incident involving sexual abuse on a woman is inevitably followed by a series of triggers that other men would have to face and deal with at some point in their relationships, as any woman who has gone through such an experience would have developed an array of reactions to them, which in most cases is represented as rejection, especially in intimate relationships.

Having to face or deal with the consequences mentioned above, doesn’t remotely resemble what a victim of sexual abuse has to go through. It takes a high level of maturity and emotional intelligence to be able to hold a space for a woman to feel safe again. In most cases, this would not happen overnight, for which reason men will face rejection numerous times. It’s hard for anyone to know how to deal with rejection, not to take it personally. In the majority of cases, a man is paying for another man’s mistakes and wrongdoings. Mistakes not being always mistakes, but deliberate actions. Rejection opens up more triggers, turning a loving relationship into a nightmare or even end it. Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect? Well, that!

The fact that men have to deal with the emotional, psychological or physical damage left behind is no reason to feel sorry for any man, but to begin to take responsibility, so as to set the parameters for a healthier, kinder and more loving society. You might have never been the perpetrator, but remaining silent or not taking action to correct certain types of male behaviour, somehow makes us all co-participants. 

It’s both, discouraging and infuriating to hear a woman resigned the world's current reality that she has not been raped, followed by a fearful silence in hope that it never happens, but accepting that it's a possibility. The threat is always there, and unconscious and psychopathic men to perpetrate such actions are everywhere. 

The second fact is that many men are moved by a sense of entitlement, especially in romantic relationships to push and go beyond these boundaries with the belief that they’re not like other men. In many instances, what happens behind doors in relationships equals rape or borders it, creating or adding to the trauma. If you do it, you are like those men. Believing something else is just another exhibit of narcissistic behaviour.

This sense of entitlement speaks of a boy that has not yet found the emotional maturity that makes him a man.

Matt Damon also compared allegations against Weinstein, Al Franken, Kevin Spacey and Louis CK. He commended Louis CK for his remorse, adding that he “couldn’t imagine that he would do those things again."

Such comment somehow removes culpability from Louis CK’s predatory behaviour, as well as further humiliating his victims. Admittance and remorse opens a space to change behaviour, but this type of comments has become part of our popular culture in a society that so far has not only not given credibility to victims of sexual abuse, but that has failed miserably to create the appropriate channels to eradicate these types of behaviour.

Victim shaming is also a living part of rape culture. 

As men, we cannot decide the degree of damage on a woman because we just don’t know what it feels like. The fact that we may think that we know only makes us a bunch of ignorant, opinionated narcissists. It's neither an original thought, nor a good analysis of the situation, but a defence mechanism to guilt by association, meaning that if you are a man, at any time you can be suspected of ill behaviour. It’s far too many the number of women who have been sexually abused in one way or another what leads to the fact, and it is a fact, that the number of perpetrators is larger than what we've been led to believe, as sexual harassment or rape is "something that happens to other people are committed by other people." It's never me, nor us. It's always the others. This ignorant belief can be applied to almost everything, creating a general apathy in taking responsibility to create a better self and consequently a better world.

During the last 30 years I've listened to the testimonies of sexual abuse of hundred of women, and I can say that sometimes all a woman needs is to find the space to be able to talk freely, without judgment.  

At some point, men, and people in general, have to realise that we have a responsibility towards others. Everyone, that is! Taking responsibility doesn’t mean that we are responsible for the actions of others, but that we show up in our own lives being the best version of ourselves. To achieve the best version of ourselves takes time and effort. It’s not a stage that can be reached by giving mindless opinions on subjects that we know nothing of.  

The road to recovery is often a solitary path. Let's not make it harder by making women, men or children feel that they've never been heard, that no one listened to them. 

This article is not to condemn Matt Damon's character, nor overall behaviour -it's understandable why he said what he said-, but to encourage others to reflect on the reality of the situation and the power that our opinions might have on others. As this was an isolated incident, not a campaign to teach others, it is and should be treated as such. Let's not be too quick to judge someone's entire life, character and behaviour for one opinion, one incident, one belief. Everyone is entitled to make mistakes, as we are to learn from them. 

Related articles:

Listening to, and assisting in healing trauma. 

The Beauty and Shame of the Female Body.




The book 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon.

For soul readings visit this other page.

More on twin flames: 'Twin Flames: A Love Affair.'
 

Listening To, And Assisting In Healing Trauma.


The term healing is misleading and one that contributes to misinterpret one's reality or  current emotional state. In this sense the word implies that someone is emotionally ill, which in turn leads individuals to accept it as a life condition, inherent and permanent, creating and feeding an energetic cloud that lies heavy on their psyche and emotional body. It is counter-productive as it urges a sense of immediacy, and a constant struggle pushing against time. Healing is always in the now, not in the future. It's one of the new beliefs of the new age, that goes along the lines of the original sin. It doesn't help that numerous healers, as well as a large number of people who neither have received any training in healing trauma, nor have healed their own, spread the message that healing is a process that ends the day we die. Such statement only prepares people for a life of suffering, not knowing how to deal, nor heal any trauma, as it becomes infinite, endless while still stuck in a moment in time. Healing might be needed throughout different stages in life, but there are ways to make the process more practical, more fun, more playful

It's a lifetime we live, not a life sentence.

Learning a concept goes beyond giving it intellectual meaning. Healing comes through feeling and emotion. The knowledge acquired through healing is emotional, as well as energetic. Traditional education has trained people to memorise knowledge in order to pass an exam. What's essential in healing trauma is the training of emotional intelligence.

Such message is devoid of any substance, truth or depth. No one has to suffer the entire length of a lifetime. It's possible to detach from the emotions attached to trauma, achieving inner peace by training emotional intelligence in order to heal the emotional body. In the healing process there is a time in which someone can speak of their traumas without falling once again victim of their emotions. 

While emotion is necessary to tell our story, it is also essential to reach a healthy level of detachment. During the process of healing an while reliving trauma, no one can tell their story without emotion. Emotions make a good story teller. However, how someone expresses emotion determines the nature of the story. It is by following emotions that anyone can at some point overcome their emotional reality, reaching a different stage in their healing. At some point, the story loses the emotion and consequently the pain. 

At this stage, life doesn't become painless, as there will be more episodes in which pain appears. However, it does become easier to deal with pain, once an individual understands the difference between pain and suffering, and so with emotions.


In this process, there are practical techniques and methods available that one can learn and practice in order to deal with triggers caused by trauma or the situations that trigger such emotions.

Before going into the listening part that may contribute to someone's healing, a word of warning. There's a large number of practitioners, so-called healers or 'internet-shamans' that after a week's worth of training in certain healing techniques and processes offer miraculous results. In many of these cases, what's being sold is a hopeful placebo that invites bypassing, so as to skip several stages in healing trauma. It's not possible to claim a healthy state of healing, while this is all we talk about. It's not how it works. Emotions are dealt with, both, speaking up, and in silence. There's a time to talk, and a time to feel. A common reaction to emotion is to go from feeling suicidal to I am now in bliss within hours might not be the best indication that one has healed, nor that they may be able to help others. 

Fluctuating from "suicidal" to "bliss" in a matter of hours may be an indication that a 'healer' cannot hold the space for someone's healing. It takes the same amount of energy to decide that one wants to end with everything than to decide to live a life to the full. Giving up is a trained thought. Healthy healers know that they have to keep themselves in a good and balance emotional state, which allows them to connect with the feelings and emotions required to hold such space, so as to transmit a healing energy to others. In order to create and be able to facilitate the space, one must have presence; to be able to live in the here and now.

A healer doesn't have to be permanently happy, but they have to maintain certain stability that allows immediate connection with a healthy emotional state, being able then to create the appropriate energetic space to hold someone else's trauma and emotions. This is another reason why it is essential that healers, therapeutic practitioners and entrepreneurs get paid. A healing practice without the minimum level of wealth is doom to fail, as healers, coaches and therapeutic practitioners find themselves constantly catching up with practical matters that cause emotional upheavals or having to find different sources of income, which limits the amount of time, energy and effort that they can dedicate to their clients.

Anyone can hold space for someone else by not reacting to, nor bringing their own emotions. In order to heal it is necessary to be acknowledged, reason for which, hiring a healer, attending a group or retreat can have an incredible effect in people's healing. Healing with and through people doesn't mean that someone dumps their emotions and traumas on others, a mistake people often make when reacting to emotions. There are steps that can be taken to create a safe space for such purpose. 

Listening to others is an art and a rare quality to find in people. Listening to others is on principle one of the easiest things to do. However, many people react to such situations by offering unwanted solutions or giving opinions that in most cases are counter-productive. Acknowledgement comes through being heard. Unwanted opinions or advice interfere with the process, and people neither feel heard, nor acknowledge, which creates anxiety and an urge to express their trauma even more. When someone tries to offer solutions without being asked for it, they get involved in the emotion and trauma. 

Listening to others is about the speaker, never about the listener. 

One of the common mistakes that are made when expressing emotion in healing is that the speaker often wants to be heard by the people who caused the trauma. This is often difficult , if not impossible. Family members are outcast by further bullying with either more criticism, victim shaming or name calling. People who inflict pain and suffering on others, tend to carry a heavy load of guilt and shame themselves. The only defense mechanism they have against further shame or guilt is to try and convince the victim that the events that led to create trauma was indeed their fault. This is a recurrent trait in narcissists, who will continue attacking the victim throughout life, so as not to admit their wrongdoings. At the same time, they will speak highly of themselves, their achievements and personal qualities. In their eyes, narcissists are always better and do better. However fierce their mindless attacks are, it has to be understood that such confrontations are emotional reactions to guilt and shame knowing that they are in the wrong. They know. The just won't admit it.

The truth always comes out and in time, everyone gets to the place they deserve. Even the most narcissistic of all eventually is hit by conscience. 

In many cases trauma is caused by strangers in one isolated action, as it is in the case of sexual abuse. This makes it almost impossible to be acknowledged by the attacker. It's unlikely that they'd ever be willing to listen to their victims or that they reach a balanced and healthy state of conscience that may facilitate the situation. 

The #metoo movement has helped many in being acknowledged and feeling heard, although there has also been too many people, including both, men and women who interfered with the process by claiming that not all men are the same. Months before the movement took over social media, I've already written an article: 'All men are the same', in which the main message is listening to others, specifically to women in this particular case. 

Of course, the article didn't get much attention. Ask someone to listen to you and they'll tell you their story. The world wants to be heard, while most people are hardly heard or acknowledged.

Even though listeners are rare, due to the overwhelming need of most people to share their stories and traumas with the world, there are many out there. They are easily recognised. They are the people that others go to talk and share their stories. Listening is also an energy that people healing from trauma can easily recognise. On social media you will have your inbox filled with countless stories from strangers or friends. They know you listen. At the same time, strangers would approach you in public places and ask to talk to you or sit with you. What they recognise in you is the ability for silence, the lack of desperation to tell your story, as you already know it and understand it. 

In order to assist others in healing trauma one has to create the space where they can express themselves freely. Listen to them without a personal opinion. Do not jugde or comment unless asked for it. People going through emotions while talking about their trauma tend to find it difficult to be eloquent or maintain fluidity. As a result of this, they will pause in order to find the air to breath. This silence might feel uncomfortable, which is when many people use the opportunity to break it by talking. Allow the silence instead. Pay attention to them and give space and time for them to continue. If interrupted, the speaker would feel betrayed and resort to a different time of silence. The silence that is produced when they don't feel heard, nor acknowledge. In order to listen to others, time and space is necessary, but so it is pause and patience. When asked to comment, it's best to respond with question that would help them to expand on their points. A simple "I hear you" does wonders when acknowledging others. 


Pause and silence also allows the speaker to gather their thoughts, find composure in the midst of emotions and listening to themselves. Interrupting this process can do more harm than good.


If this is a recurrent situation, there will be time to introduce ideas, opinions, experience or recommendations, but it's also essential not to give advice or direction on subjects one doesn't have any experience of. When the speaker is expressing their trauma with raw emotion, they just want to be heard and acknowledged. Listening to them in silence and without personal input, in time one learns to know what they want or may need. 


Most people don't listen to others, nor don't know how, because they don't listen to themselves. Don't be one of them. Listening to others creates trust, which is another essential quality in healers.


Listening to others is an important element in my therapeutic practice with clients, as by listening I can interpret their energies, where they are energetically at the time, which helps me to recognise their needs, as well as the numerous personal qualities and possibilities that they have ahead of them. Silence can be considered a different dimension in a world so stridently noisy, a space that provides all the elements that help to interpret reality from a deeper level. If silence and listening are considered art, it's because it requires practice. Every pause, every minute of silence is a step forward into healing. We don't have to talk endlessly. In silence one learns to hear and listen to what's important. Then we can talk. 


Related articles:

A response to Matt Damon's polemic different levels of sexual abuse.


The book 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon.

For soul readings visit this other page.

More on twin flames: 'Twin Flames: A Love Affair.'
 

The Beauty And Shame Of The Female Body.



There is nothing shameful about the female body. Nothing! Shame is a learned concept, a learned emotion that lives in the psyche and body of the individual and the collective. Shame is also an emotion not felt by those who feel it most. The easiest way to recognise shame is to observe those who shame others. In a society that has heavily based its foundations on religious paradigms, to shame woman or the female body when exposed in all its beauty and splendour seems the most natural and normal approach to take. It's not.


For a large number of women exposing their bodies, not only online, but also in more organic ways is a daily expression. The reasons are varied and each one has an underline purpose. In most cases, if not all, this is a way of life. For these women, judgement, criticism or name calling is part of their daily experience. In fact, being a woman, whether they expose their bodies or not face to be judged, criticised or mindlessly insulted due to the mere fact of having been born female. 

The obsolete and unchallenged morals of society serve as fuel for mass Gaslighting. No one is ever good enough.



Photo Gisela Ravenscroft 

However advanced society might be in many areas, people are not keeping up with the fast 

changes that take place on a daily basis. Religious myths and morals continue deeply ingrained in the collective belief system. Any informed person would know that religion and governments have used the socalled and imposed morality to infer fear in people as a way of controlling the masses, having proved to be extremely effective methods to make people live in fear. It's easy to push the fear button in people, which prevents the personal expansion and development of both, the individual, as well as the collective. 

The shrewdness of these methods are not to be underestimated. Throughout centuries such beliefs acted like a drip in the collective consciousness, what causes individuals first, to reject any truth that doesn't match theirs, and second, to attack behaviours and               PhotoHallie Fletcher
beliefs that differ from their own. Perhaps the 
most harmful repercussion to having been submitted to the same paradigms for centuries is that we have become the patriarch we so detest, while continuing using the same coercive methods with others
                                                                                               
The Vatican alone own miles of 'sacred' documents hidden from everyone, which may contain a different truth from those shared with the public. They also hold the same book in which Jesus Christ claims that "the truth shall set you free." The irony! Some of the elements contained in all religious scriptures is misogyny, the shame of women, followed by a set of rules that places a woman as servant to men, as well as how they are not supposed to behave. The message is clear: be obedient; be subservient. 

As a result, we live in a society in which everything is sexualised. Meanwhile sex, nudity, sensuality and the female body is anyone's excuse for shame. Both, women and the female body are undermined. Bodies rejected in public, desired and lusted after in private. The hypocrisy of society expressed in a collective and individual neurosis, as well as the ever increasing polarities, which only serve to divide, and from which every perspective is fiercely defended in order to prove others wrong is an obvious sign that    the human being is   Photo: Miranda Dye                                         not yet ready to listen, nor willing to integrate                                                                         the multiple differences in others, but to impose inflexible views that only serve to defend one's personal comfort zone. Humanity is in desperate need to reconsider beliefs and ways of living that only cause separation, and as a result the suppression of all things human, every quality that makes a person truly humane.

It's about time that the world stops being offended by everything, anything and everyone. 

During the early stages of childhood, it is easy to observe children taking their clothes off for comfort and freedom. As children grow older they learn to cover up their bodies. It is in most famous fairly tale: The Bible. Adam and Eve roam freely naked until the are made aware of the shame of their bodies. Shame is learned from adults. Nudity is natural to children. No one is born in shame. It's learned from others, usually from parents, educators and society in general. 

No one can truly grow in shame, due to is coercive and limiting qualities.

The public exposure and nudity of the female body is met with shame, desire and little celebration. Women sharing images of their bodies publicly, revealing parts or all of it, deal with abuse, name calling, sexual advances, requests for more free images and even threats. Shame and name calling are used particularly to achieve such goals. The true shame is the use of coercion to force someone else to give something for one's own pleasure. 

Shame is the punter paying for the services of a sex worker turning suddenly into a priest and trying to save them from what they view as a morally corrupt life with what in their regretful hearts after the act they see as a redeeming act. This can be understood by the emotional movement that takes place when someone deviates from integrity or what in their heart is morally wrong. Oh the irony! lust making an attempt to turn to love and save the girl once she served the purpose. With this 'redeeming' act, the punter is projecting their guilt and shame on the woman, failing to take responsibility for his emotions. It might be unconscious, but this is what it is.

Don't save the girl! What saves the 'girl' is freedom, and so it is what attracts her. Desire without freedom is obscure and coercive. Both freedom and the response to desire are choices to be made here and now. Anyone can choose freedom anytime they wish.

Shame is the online predator seeking images and videos to satisfy their immediate needs in hiding, while proclaiming their high morals afterwards. The Internet, which offers amazing opportunities is filled with opportunistic predators


Shame is all those high wig men that taking advantage of their social and professional status have been, and will continue being accused of sexual abuse, now crying out witch hunt. Witch hunt was a term created to describe a period in history in which women were killed for practicing medicine or suspected of it. A woman's life has not been worth much throughout history. But even this term has been appropriated by patriarchy, by men who run the show and whom at seeing their predatory behaviour exposed are now asking for the clemency of society. Perhaps these men now got suddenly in touch with their feminine side and don't mind being considered witches. 

These traits, beliefs and behaviours adopted by men can be traced to the sacred
scriptures. By portraying women as weak, feeble and in need of a charmless prince that comes and rescue them, men, following an unconscious belief use violence of any kind against women because this is the status quo. To view women or anyone else as victims does not make them a victim. 

Society accepts different groups as weak or victims under the illusion that if violence or tragedy is employed against others, then other groups might be safe. No one is safe while there is another human being suffering. Accepting the suffering of others as part of normality is a cowardly act that promotes apathy, dissociation and inaction.

We might as well openly declare a law that allows to lock women and the 'weak' in a basement for our own gratification and maybe take them out to show friends and family because they look good next to us. 

                                                                                                   Model: Stormy Overton
                                                                                                              Photo: John Tipps

Women are an oppressed group in society. The female body is under scrutiny from all angles. Now is too thin. Now is too fat. Cleavage or no cleavage ... that is the question! Mainstream media has to answer for the illusory image of perfection in women that after hours and photoshop and filters resembles more comic characters, -however realistic they may appear- than real women. Somehow this form of public exhibit in mainstream magazines are socially acceptable. 

Abuse, body shaming or slut shaming comes equally from both, women or men. A great part of the problem is derived from the women against women debate. In this case, beliefs are rooted in the same source, the narrative of the patriarch. When it comes to women against women, there are other factors: envy, competition or jealousy. If being a woman under the oppression of men was not hard enough, being the subject of bullying and violence by other women makes it seem impossible to find a solution to the problem. However, what most people seem to be missing is that the women who are so fiercely criticised are the  ones to be praised, supported and loved due to their priceless contribution to stop this endemic current of abuse and violence, which is one of the main causes for the underdevelopment of and the involution of human being. If action is not taken to deal with the important matters of the world, we're going to implode in our own misery, chocked by the ignorant opinions of our small egos. 

What the vast majority is missing from these women who seemingly exhibit their bodies in shamelessly is the fact that they are contributing to the liberation of women from the judgmental conscience of the collective mind, claiming the acceptance of the female body as a norm. Shame is not who we are, but what has been done to us; a learned emotion with its damaging consequences and forms of behaviour. 

These women are Precursors -in capital letters-, leaders that open new paths for humanity to find a different, more loving expression; the creators of a more humane reality. Many of these women has been subjected to horrific crimes and sexual abuse from early ages. With the explosion of the #MeToo movement, women have voiced and denounced publicly what everyone already knew. Silence might have been a convenient instrument of survival for centuries, but it's no longer an option if what we want to shape humanity, as what we claim it to be. 

Many of these women use this method of expression as an outlet to deal with horrific sexual abuse that includes kidnapping, rape or sex slavery. It is a deliberate way to come out of the victim stage and becoming survivors. It makes a tremendous difference in someone's recovery from sexual trauma to identify and move through these stages. Thus, they become icons of rebellion against the suppression of women and all things female, symbols of a renewed female identity that refuses to live any longer under the tyranny of patriarchy. This is how the "girl next door" becomes a heroine of our time. It's also a way to tell the word that they are not defeated, to show strength despite everything.

It takes courage to see and appreciate the beauty and good qualities in others. And if and when we don't do so, it's only because we envy what others have. Judgement and the shame of others is a problem of self-esteem, caused by previous shaming and judgment. Often, not even parents can appreciate the amazing qualities of their children. 



In a previous blog post I mentioned that one of the most striking traits I perceived from hundreds of women over thirty years while narrating their stories of sexual abuse, was their courage to share the story and use trauma as an inflection point to reinvent themselves. The courage to tell. The courage to say that the story doesn't end here. The courage to take action and become a participant activist in the freedom of society by exposing the true and cruel nature of the human being thus far. The courage to give themselves what they know no one else can.

While it may seem that these women are seeking attention through sexy bodies, revealing outfits and provocative images, one of the purposes of their deliberate
Model: Hallie Fletcher                                      actions is to pierce through the shame of the Photo: Wolves Photography                             collective. It is only by feeling an emotion that                                                                     someone can heal. As most of the population tend to hide from emotions, the constant public exposure to which the eye is submitted daily plays an important role in this healing process. If action is not taken by individuals, in all periods of history there have been people who took an active part in promoting change by challenging the status quo. History is full on names who sacrificed their comfort, even their lives to bring obsolete parts of tradition down. 

To those who placidly remain passive and complacent with what there is, an on-your-face-approach seems to be the only way to activate a response or a reaction from their conscience and their involvement in the collective. The energy of the world is charging, the female rising, the truth revealing itself while the portrait of society seems more chaotic and decadent. Soon there will be no place to hide. 

Each woman is an universe of her own, therefore each one experiences this journey in a
different way. It is a way of reaffirming themselves, to accept their bodies, flawed or not. Some use it to challenge their own insecurities; insecurities born with the contribution of popular culture, the image of perfection broadcasted by mainstream media and the voice of mindless crowds. It is worth mentioning that many of these women, if not all are not just beautiful. They are incredibly talented too. They are musicians, singers, writers, actresses and directors, designers, athletes, dancers, artists in all fields imaginable, song writers; and that they do the best they can with what they have where they are now like everyone else. They are expressing their individuality like everyone else. And like everyone else, they do have dreams, feelings, emotions and desires to live and happy and fulfilling life. Above all, they are human beings, just       Photo: Callie Mitchell
like you and I. Judge that if you can!                 by Callie Ann Photography

Courage is to lead a deliberate life that matches our inner call for love, happiness and freedom. Anyone living a fulfilling life doesn't have time for judgment, but to appreciate the qualities and accomplishments of others, for it is in the uplifting and enlightenment of others that we find spaces for the true, inner expression of the human being and true connection. What we do to others we do to ourselves. 

The assumption that any woman, showing their body or not is a slut and would freely send nudes or bed a man because of a aroused desire in need of immediate gratification only shows the low state of collective consciousness and the inner child of a society sadly infantilised that still believes that power is submitting others to their forceful will. 

There are many plagues that devaste society and which are accepted as a norm with the complicity of those
Model: Haley Moss
Photo: Constantine's Photos

 who don't dare to raise their voices. Self-gratification is one of them. Self-gratification when immediate might offer an instant pleasure, but it is this constant pleasure that prevents the human being from enjoying a life of intense desire for life itself. In order to obtain what we really want, an individual has to learn to identify the state of lack that remains once the effects of immediate gratification vanish.  

Lack of, or fear of intimacy are other plagues that if explored and developed would eliminate most of the issues pointed out in this blog entry. Fear of intimacy has a terrible effect on the relationship one has with the self, as well as with others, having a especially damaging impact in more intimate relationships. 

Many women are also offered financial rewards in exchange for sexual gratification or nude images. The world is missing the message and so it is most of a population that lives under  the false assumption that everyone has a price. With the proliferation of porn, the amount of depraved sexual fantasies are on the rise. Fantasies that in most cases could only be fulfilled with instruments of false power, such as money, coercion, rape or violence. 

While the circumstances provided by society might condition certain arrangements due to lack of or material need, two consenting adults can agree to an exchange of any nature. Such is the way of the world these days. Being a precursor does not always come with the glamour of Hollywood or Disney's happily ever after. Changing the world comes at a price. Instead of shaming and blaming, many people could look at how to contribute to create a society that serves the needs of all.   Model: Haley Moss
                                                                                              Photograpy: Stephen Beebe


When exposing themselves, women are showing you that being a woman is natural and beautiful, the being a woman is to be celebrated, something to be proud of. They're calling for the love of the collective, eager to inspire change in the individual, so as to create a massive shift in society. They are poking egos and insecurities, making others aware that it is possible to overcome every trauma when the ability to transform is sought after and developed. They are telling you that the world is moving towards a higher consciousness, but that before that happens conscience has to be awoken. Women are showing that it is OK to play, that is fun to be sensual, to be inviting and evasive at once, that not everything is defined by extremes, but by everything that lies in between. The way might be defiant, offensive to some, but is there any other way? Is there anything more offensive than the suppression of a group of people or the violence against women or children? or against any other human being?

These women are exposing themselves raw, vulnerable. They are telling us that the female body is beautiful, not something to be ashamed of. 

It is no one's business what a woman or any individual does with their body. If a woman offers nude images in exchange for money, the conditions are clear: pay for it. Whether someone pays for it or not, it's a choice. Not wanting to pay for nude images, but still wanting to get the product is no different from going to a restaurant and not paying the bill. In both cases it is disrespectful not to do so. Targeting a woman for not complying with one's cheap desires is a form of bullying, and so it is to shame her. What we do to others, we do to ourselves. Exposing her body is a choice and so it is to sell her nudity. 


Most people prostitute themselves in a 9 to 5 job against their will, finding all sort of excuses to somehow validate the system to convince themselves that this is somehow acceptable because it is the way of the world. We call this: honest work. We are better than this.

If anyone wants to see something else, an opportunistic loophole perhaps to get a quick fix by either satisfying an immediate need or by abusing or shaming others, it might be time to look in the mirror and remember the humiliations of the past, the sadness for the loss of innocence and how it happened. 

When looking at a female body and seeing shame, what one is actually experiencing is an internal movement through which shame is felt, an internalised emotion coming out. It is the shaking off of their conscience. Emotions must be felt in one way or another in order to heal. With healing, conscience is 

Photo: Miranda Dye            also woken up and developed. It is then when one feels a                                                     strong sense of responsibility towards others. Shaming women is the projection of shame onto others and a complete lack of responsibility for our emotions. 

The fact that there are portraits of women on this blog post doesn't mean that they have been subjected to any kind of abuse. They might have. The might not. What I know is that I had the opportunity to get to know most of them and they are wonderful people with amazing talents and an incredible courage to find their place in the world. Courage is also a choice; as it is love.

Related articles: 

A response to Matt Damon's polemic different levels of sexual abuse.

The social acceptance of rape culture: Blaming the victim.

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