Even though this is a personal experience, I believe that the process applies to everyone at anytime, when we believe and we are determined to change our lives in positive ways. Being human is not a mistake, but somehow we make it so by living under a cloud of false beliefs. We deserve better and could have better if only we found access to who we really are. What we want most is inner peace and love. Instead we continue being distracted by external circumstances, an irreverent idolisation of the material and the illusion that we always need something else to be happy, even though every time we get what we believed we wanted, it never seems to be enough.
Feelings of love and happiness are always here, within, but we don't find the time to look inside. Lack of belief leads to apathy for everything that is important to a human being and our souls. And it is apathy what keeps humanity's soul suffocated, expressionless under a coat of low collective consciousness. The soul is in love. The world is not. We stand in the middle, between truth and a lie we have been told and are resigned to believe. Everything is possible when we are in love, but we are not. We can still fall in love, not with another person, but with the possibility of love and magic.
By the end of 1998 I was on a bus on my way to Goldsmiths' College in London. Perhaps it was my dislike of buses, perhaps my love of walking. The reason is irrelevant to the story. What matters is that I found myself out of the bus having still twenty minutes to walk before reaching my destination.
The previous six months had been dreadful; going through experiences no one should have to go through. I lost some much of what I had always wanted that there was no reason for me to hold any hopes that things were going to improve. Yet, I still had freedom, good health and a relentless belief in myself. It is this belief which gives me the determination to get up everyone morning as soon as I wake up and what stops me from going to bed at nights until I no longer have any energy to continue. In that sense I am still like a child. The child in us has all the answers.
The best way to describe what happened next is that I entered into a meditative state while walking. For a few seconds, the last six months of my life flashed in my mind, at which point I realised that this period was over and I had been given another chance. Paradoxically, I didn't miss anything of what I believed I had lost. In fact, I has happy I didn't have it anymore. I had never wanted it in the first place, but I told myself that it was what I wanted and needed. The new academic year was beginning, I was single and all my basic needs were covered. What else could I want? Those things I believed I wanted were what eventually complicated my life.
At this moment, I accepted my life as it was. I had no expectations, just the belief that life was going to be better soon. And all I wanted was love, just love. It is essential to emphasise that throughout this experience feelings in my body were very strong. As I accepted my current situation, I felt lighter and younger, as if years and a heavy burden had abandoned my body instantly. Feeling is very important. There can be no healing without feeling. I also felt a very strong connection with myself, a sense of peace and contentment, as if a better life, better circumstances and my wish had already been granted.
I began to walk faster for no reason. When I had almost reached the university building, something extraordinary happened. While holding the feeling of letting go, I reached such a state of deep silence that I heard myself loud and clear. Stop! Breathe! Very often we do things out of habit, such as walking fast. I was in no rush. I stopped and took a deep breath. And this was the moment that changed it all.
When I looked around everything was beautiful. I loved everything and everyone. I even fell in love with the smell of the place. Anyone who knows New Cross in London would know that there is not much beauty in the area. People are not different from anywhere in the world. It is a grey area, not very well kept and filled with fumes. An area that suits students and the working class. It is not a place anyone would choose to go out on a date unless they are students or want to go for a quick drink or a meeting after work.
The sense of inner peace I was filled with, allowed me to accept everything as it was. There was no resistance to anything and everything was greeted with a smile.
I would like to repeat again that feeling these emotions in our bodies is essential in order to transform and that this feeling is always there. It has always been there since we were born. It is only that we walk too fast when there is no need for it, constantly looking for all the wrong things. The truth is that what we are looking for is within; never outside.
We lost nothing. We come to this world alone and leave it alone. We come with no possessions, or relationships. Everything in our lives is experience and what we create. We are here to learn love, unconditional love and for this purpose, we must accept what there is. In order to create a better reality, we must allow ourselves to dream and believe. The fact that we don't have what we once expected or what we were made to believe we could have, is nothing but an illusion. What matters is that we are, not what we have or don't have. Accepting this reality is the key to what we need and what we want. When we have nothing, then we can have it all. Everything is a paradox.
Letting go of false beliefs, as well as being in love are two of the most powerful magnets we naturally have as human beings. This is what we already own. Let's use it to manifest the life we desire, not the life someone told us we should have. You and only you are the creator of your experience. Love begins with you. With love comes inner peace, and a better life along with it.
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