The Myth Of The Bad Boy: A Journey Towards The Wild Man.
The bad boy shouldn't be confused with the player. There is a thin line that separates them and it is very easy not to see the difference between one and the other. Both are here to show you your lack of self-love and if both cases you give it to them; if only for a while. The difference between one and the other, is that the player is using you. He will lie and do anything in order to get what he wants. He does not care and takes pride in what he does. Your feelings do not matter and he will present himself as very attentive and caring. He is not. Everything he does to you will be topic in a public broadcast and shared with his friends. You have been used and now you are being shamed.
The bad boy on the other hand would tell you the truth or at least the truth he knows so far, and contrary to popular belief, you are the one using him, not the other way round. An air of aloofness and detachment makes him very magnetic. He might be a womaniser by default, but all he really wants is one woman and he won't stop until he finds her. It is only that all these other women keep him distracted from his purpose to find self-love. He knows how to have fun, he is firm in his convictions and does make a stand for what he believes in. If he doesn't make a stand, he is not the bad boy, but something else. Either way, whether you choose one or the other you are going to end crying. A lot.
He doesn't want to make you cry or to see you suffer, even if at times he might seem insensitive towards your feelings. One of the reasons you are attracted to him is because he is going to provoke an avalanche of feelings that are going to pour out of you as you have not experienced before. It is not his responsibility to deal or experience your feelings, but yours and you both know it.
There is something very authentic, genuine and enchanting about the bad boy, but this is something he cannot see in himself. Paradoxically, it is what makes him so attractive to others, both to men and women. There are reasons for his behaviour. He is making a stand because he doesn't live in fear as the rest do. He might we slightly concerned about the essential things, such as money, housing, etc, as his way of living and his attitude somehow separate him from the norm and the general trend of conformity, which in turn makes life difficult. You will find him in odd jobs, not for too long; positions where he doesn't fit, as he is trying to find his place in the world. This is the boring stuff, things of no importance to him, but fear; real fear is well hidden under another emotion.
He loves being a bad boy, however unhealthy this is to himself and others. He doesn't know any better. The fact that the world lives under a narcotic cloud of conformity plagued with rules and regulations that only serve to suppress the true expression of love and the soul, does not make the world right. He makes a stand because he is protecting the soul from being soaked by this negative energy. It is a constant fight; very fierce and aggressive. Underneath the hard image and that very deliberate and reckless behaviour, there is bottomless well of love, a kind soul and the gullible innocence of the child he is guarding. Yes, the bad boy is his childhood's older brother. He is the guardian of the soul.
The bad boy is a figure shaped out of a lot of pain and suffering during childhood, and now that he is in a position to do so, he has grown into the stature of an older brother to make sure that the helpless boy he once was does not suffer again. This fraternal love fuels him to do whatever it is necessary to stand his ground. And this side of him, you really are going to fear. Yes, you love him, as much as you will fear him, as he is capable of anything.
The bad boy is very strong. He looks in the eye, and more than look, he stares, as he has not lost the penetrating glance of the child. If you feel questioned by those eyes, you might wan to ask yourself why. He is confident and has an overwhelming sense of belief in himself. This is a trait that makes him to stand out for the better and the worst. Consequences are a part of life and he knows how to take it.
He lives with a fixed idea of what love is and who he is here to love. Although it might not appear in the surface of his hard image, he is the most romantic of all. If he could not love you for as long as you wanted, this is because he is still looking for the one, and for a while he got confused and thought you were her. You will hear him saying he doesn't want to be loved, and he will end in relationships with women to whom he cannot commit for the rest of his life. He told you the first day. The fact that you insisted to belong in his world, even though you were warned, should only serve to show lack of self-love. And it is OK to blame him. He can take it. He knows that the one is waiting for him somewhere in the world and it's only a matter of time until he finds her. He knows she is out there and he also knows that she knows he is coming.
The paradox is that in his attempt not to be loved by anyone other than the woman he idolises, he will show you everything you need to know about love. When you are with him, there is no other woman in the world. This feeling of being loved so intensely is very addictive, as it is rare to find. Even if he cannot love you for the rest, you will always be in his heart, in a place that only belongs to you, and where secretly he honours your memory and the time you spent together. You meant something important to him, whether you know it or not.
There is a great degree of truth in the fact that he does not need your love. He learned to live without it too early in childhood and at a time in which there was not love around. Your gestures of love are overwhelming, and so it is the fact that you need his constant attention and energy for you to feel beautiful. This is, as draining to him, as it is to you. He is very independent, as he learned to trust no one and at very early age he stopped being a child to become and wounded adult. He is not only showing you love, but detachment and letting go. Once he is out of the door, he lets go and moves on. He is gypsy at heart.
It is perhaps a living contradiction that in his quest for love, he refuses love and affection, but he knows that somewhere deep inside he has all the answers and it is not for anyone else to give him what he wants.
However romantic this portrait of the bad boy might seem to you, he is as unhealthy as unhealthy can be and this is reflected in his habits and actions. You would do well staying away from him, although I know you won't. The bad boy is one true expression of the inner child.
The player might be a very handsome man in a fancy suit. The bad boy is beautiful. He is raw, very direct. His words will cut through your bones and wound your heart. Until that day when he finds you, the woman he is meant to love. That day the fight stops. The fight with the world and himself. He becomes again vulnerable, a return to childhood where he remembers heartbreak and all the tears he never shed come out all at once. It is not you who broke his heart. He did it to himself in order to feel again. And that is the moment where he stops being the bad boy and turns into a free and wild man. He is looking for the wild woman.
When he finds you, he finds the Goddess, the perfect, identical mirror and as he looks into your eyes he sees the Goddess in himself. You might forgive him or not for what you may think he did to you. The truth is, you did it to yourself as he did it to himself. Whether you believe this or not, he tried to love you with everything he had. He just didn't know how to love himself or others. But now he's free, and he is ready to love you. Now that he is free, he is also patient to wait. There will be no other women until you come along. And when you meet him, he is also ready to tell you that this is forever. When you hear it, you can believe it, because now, he knows how to love himself and you.
No longer a bad boy, he becomes a warrior of love, patiently waiting to take you along the ride of your life. And the only thing that stands between you and him, is your fear of love behind your sheltered heart. When you're ready.
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Posted by Manel Blanco