One of the things that I found, both, interesting and disturbing at my arrival in England in 1992 was the lack of eye contact and even physical contact for that matter. In time I got used to it, and as one of my beliefs is to adapt to what every country has to offer, I let it go. I must admit that I didn't do such a good job. I kept and keep looking at people in the eye, with different results; some positive, some truly challenging.
On the challenging front, we can find the infamous expression: "what the f*** are you looking at?" or its politer version "what are you looking at?" There have been interesting stories around these episodes, usually defiant, but what matters today is the answer. I am looking at you. And the words unsaid. I am looking at your soul.
As years went by living in England, I was rather shocked in one of my brief escapades to Barcelona, where people do indeed look at each other in the eye all the time. It's the natural thing to do. My non-verbal reaction when I realised it, was the same I had been surrounded by for years. Why were people looking at me? Getting used to an unhealthy habit that interferes with the natural flow of communication with others, is not a habit that I can support, or would like to encourage. This episode worked for me as a reality check. Awareness helps to change. In my case, it helped me to return to what I had already experienced prior to my arrival in this country.
Avoiding eye contact can be interpreted in different ways. The situation I described above seems to be an adopted attitude by men to preserve the male territory. I could be understood in a way as a invasion of personal space. But what personal space can one maintain in public and against someone else's glance?
It does affect women also, especially when the eye contact comes from a man, as it could be misinterpreted as hidden flirtation or desire.
There is a degree of fear, but also of self preservation in avoiding eye contact. The reason goes deeper than what meets the eye, and it is certainly not one to be judgmental about. Everyone walks their journey at a different pace and at different levels of awareness. The best we can do is to raise awareness, as it is only when someone has a life changing experience that one can be moved towards change and a more positive inner space.
Every one of us at some point during childhood decided to build a barricade to contain what we perceived as ugly and harmful in order to survive the madness of the world. This is an energetic barrier that protects the best of each soul, for within us, we all keep the most beautiful place there is. The block we create against the world works effectively and helps us survive, but it does also prevent us to come out and express to others who we really are.
The energetic barrier works at once like the tall walls of a prison. It stops the world from coming in, as well as preventing us from escaping from it. By the time we create this protection, our only aim is survival. The architect of such intricate masterpiece is the inner child. A child that remains stuck in time without evolving and that for life will keep holding the fort against what they believe is harmful and ugly. What we protect is the soul and at that age, we simply don't know better.
Instead of giving ourselves a hard time, what we should do is praise ourselves for having gone this far in ways we thought were best, loving each mistake we made. Each mistake we ever made is a teacher and a lesson. Giving ourselves a hard time for it, is not who we really are, but the voice of collective consciousness which helped to shape the perfectionist in all of us.
The answer to this question is to return to that stage in our childhood in which we were still love and in love. We have been protecting the soul for so long, that we forgot that is still there. We forgot what it feels like, what it looks like and sadly, how to express it to ourselves and others. The barrier we created no longer serves the purpose. It's time to open all doors and windows and let it run free. The soul is always protected. Human perception might make us believe that the physical can protect the Divine in us. The Divine is eternal and there is little the physical us can do to protect it.
The obvious representation of this can be seen in very young children. If we observe children closely in a playground, we see that when they meet other children, what they do is to stare at each other. One soul feeling and recognising another soul. It might take them a while to begin to play and even longer before they exchange words. The soul does not need small talk to be introduced, only feeling and perception.
Breaking the walls of our prisons is not an easy task to accomplish. We have been trained to do the small talk; the get to know each other in formal and socially acceptable ways. But what if, instead of distracting the belief of inadequacy and insecurity contained in small talk we stood in front of each other, looked at their eyes and felt each other's soul?
It is possible that people do find my eye contact challenging, as I know who I Am and what my soul has to offer, but my eyes hide no ulterior motive behind the first glance. What someone might fear is after all their fear. I don't own any of it.
What's the name of your soul?
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