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Going Through Shadows: The Vortex Of Transformation.


Paradoxically, one of the biggest obstacles to overcome in personal development is self-truth. Even when one is consciously seeking it, self-knowledge is not easy to accept. There's a moment in childhood in which everyone separates from love. From this moment on we become accustomed to a series of lies that become part of a personal truth that it is reinforced unconsciously. As we separate from love, what one learns instead is fear. As we grow up ego, personality and character are formed, and as such lessons become familiar, they're accepted as part of the norm. 

As one reaches certain age, jealousy, sense of possession and entitlement, envy, anger, hate or arrogance are accepted as unmovable truths. These traits are hardly admitted, and are even denied by most people. When accepted publicly, such truths only serve to boost the ego and a false personality. Sometimes denial is due to lack of awareness, sometimes it is conscious. No one wants to admit to negative traits as part of their character, and yet, we all embody them at one point in life. 

It is easy to confuse self-confidence with arrogance, jealousy with love, or envy with the will to improve and develop. Validating anger due to past events in a world that on the surface seems to have lost its humanity is normal and even accepted by the masses, as if hardship in our personal history was the obvious and only attitude to adopt in later years. There's nothing wrong with feeling and thinking in such ways. We must experience these feelings and emotions until we realise that they no longer serve us. There is a moment in life when almost everyone is willing to let go of old attitudes, so as to embrace new ones in later years. 

Admitting to self-truth requires courage, not only to accept it as what we are not, but to go through the feelings and emotions that consequently appear once such negative traits come to light. These emotions are not always easy to handle, as we enter a new phase of self-awareness. Knowing what to do during these periods is essential in order not to be overwhelmed by it. Admitting to certain truths can lead to misunderstanding who we are, and could end in depression. It is important to remember that we are not born jealous, angry or arrogant, that these are learned traits from childhood, and that as we realise that this is not who we are, a new life begins. To admit to a new truth, thus revoking a past lie, is a portal to a new you. 

You might have made mistakes due to certain attitudes in the past, but the greatest mistake would be not to accept a new truth that allows you to evolve. We are allowed to change at any time, and it is in fact our responsibility to improve and heal. Don't let others keep you in the past. Everyone makes mistakes. No one has the right to hold us accountable for the rest of our lives due to our mistakes. If they did, this might be a good time to close a few doors that are holding you back. Mistakes are made to learn from the experience. Without experience we cannot develop.

Acknowledging that for most of our lives we accepted a lie as truth must be considered as a step forward, not a reason to give ourselves a hard time. In self-development, often taking a step back equals to moving forward. It requires periods of isolation, self-reflection and silence.

Everywhere there is a vortex in which can enter in order to transform. Accepting our own truth is one of them. There are truths that are harder to accept than others. As we enter the vortex, we might also enter a period of darkness. Self-development must be understood as an adventure, a fairy tale. Not everything can be light. We must embrace the darkness; first to adapt, then to adopt a new truth. Replacing a past truth with a new one might require a period of adaptation. 

Let's take this new phase as a long walk in a deep, dark forest, with not so bright days and long nights. Although it is a new territory, it might also feel familiar. This is the time to take baby steps towards a better life. Accepting a new truth most certainly carries along with it, a time in which we feel vulnerable and weaker. Vulnerability must be allowed. Eventually it makes us stronger. We must not confuse this new stage with depression. 

Depression only takes over when we resist and try to move forward too fast. There's no rush. Let's embrace the darkness, make it ours and find the light within. Where there's darkness, there's also light. Love and light are always within every human being; going through darkness is a pathway to reach them. 

There might be sadness, anxiety, self-loathing, hopelessness, guilt or shame, reasons for which one could interpret it  a depression. This is not who you are either. It's a trap, a mirage that if allowed to flow brings transformation. Be patient and take care of yourself. The answers are there and close to come by.

This is also be a period in which an extended silence is recommended. As we take baby steps, we might also need to re-adjust our language,  change habitual expressions and learn to communicate our message to the world in different ways. A new truth is a new beginning and for the transformation to become complete we must articulate it in different ways. There is no limit to what we can transform. From language, to body, thinking, work or diet, to the simplest change in our daily routine. 

It is a good idea to stop trying to explain the changes we're going through to others, especially to our loved ones and those closest to us. This is a period of self-reflection and adjustment. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. At this point you can strengthen your boundaries by letting others know that you are going through powerful changes and you don't need to talk about it. All you need is time to readjust. Choose your company carefully. Not everyone you know wants to see you developing into a better version of yourself.

Be gentle with yourself: rest, meditate, follow a healthy diet, exercise, sleep as often as needed and take time to be alone. Treat yourself. When tempted with distractions, self-medication or socialising, ask yourself if this is what you need at the time. Almost everyone would be lured by the possibility to avoid darkness, but it is important to consider that it is in this darkness where new secrets and new truths lie. Spirituality and self-development often require solitary periods.

It is essential not to oppose resistance to the feelings and emotions that you'll find in darkness. They're here to teach you new truths, not to torture you. Feeling the shadows is a necessary step in self-development. Without feeling, there's no transformation. If at times you feel overwhelmed, find healthy ways in which to take a break from it, and above all, make sure that whatever you choose to do is something that you want to do and that you're not led to by others. Not everyone is in the same emotional spot, as not many would understand even when explained to them. 

Try and imagine that this a cocoon phase and that by the end you'll come out alive with new colours and a new truth to a better life. We must remain calm during these changes, as these new feelings and emotions are also temporary before the new dawn of the self comes to life. 

In darkness is not always possible to see what the next step will be. Take a break, pause, breathe, sit down, have a cup of your favourite drink and allow yourself to just be. That's all you need; being. Don't try to resist it, and don't try to escape it. Escaping from it now will only bring more of the same later on, only that multiplied. 

Remember that this is your path, your adventure. Be flexible with it. Make your own choices. Use your imagination, be creative, follow your heart and your intuition. This blog post is intended to create awareness, not to direct you anywhere. You are the leader of your own life and you can only get where you are meant to be by following your own steps. Be confident and courageous. More mistakes will be made followed by new lessons, but they'd yours. Own it and continue moving forward. Trust yourself and shed a few tears if you must. Even in darkness we can find freedom.

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My new book is now available on Kindle.

This book is a journey through the all the phases of heartbreak, exploring its unknown or unperceived origins, and how it affects a person throughout life, influencing thinking, behaviour, personal choices, relationships and in particular the hurt after separation. It offers a simple, practical healing method with practices easily adaptable to everyone's experience, taking the reader to the liberating moment of letting go. It is also an examination of the stage of being in love, and how by listening to the call of the soul, anyone could live in a permanent state of bliss. 


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Photo: Carolina Flower