Running Away From Relationships: What Happened Next.

There's an evocative presence even in their absence attached to the figure of the twin flame runner. In the current level of collective consciousness, there's a tendency to romanticise that one lover that got away. It's human condition to celebrate our defeats, both collective and personal; to make a landmark of a deep wound that could, and indeed does condition people's ability to live from the heart, sometimes affecting their ability to love fully again. The sense of nostalgia and loss sinks deep along with the memory of the runner once they're gone, somehow keeps people on edge, understanding pain as the only way to find motivation in the quest of love. 

Collective consciousness stores the popular knowledge and wisdom that people access in order to find solutions practical and existential dilemmas. There are different rooms in this library, different levels. Which one we access can have a great influence in where we go next and how we feel about it. Too often the solutions chosen are the ones that never worked. This library is out there, but it's also within, and when we understand one, we understand the other. 

It doesn't have to be this way. It's possible to regain a sense of self based on inner strength and beauty. The feeling within has an incredible power to determine someone's identity, character and personality. Pain and suffering keep people distracted from their true core. The magic of the soul is always here and now for everyone has access to it anytime they wish, and it can be accessed with a conscious thought. However, thoughts, feelings and emotions reflected on the mirror of the runner creates a distorted image  that we have of ourselves. 

The first emotional response after separation tends to be heartbreak. Vital energy is depleted. In the space created by abandonment one hears the echoes of what everyone, or nearly everyone heard form birth: that they're not good enough. The twin flame is exceptionally good at challenging us with constant reminders. It's up to us to challenge these beliefs and embrace our authenticity. The idea and belief that we have on what love and loyalty really are can be misleading. In the name of love, too often we become doormats to the irate speech of our lovers.

The twin flame is not here to give constant validation. They are here to love and be loved.

Being abandoned by a partner confirms what the noise of the world repeats and that so deeply ingrained remains in the human psyche. As people do not feel good enough, they project the same image on anyone else, regardless of how amazing and authentic they might be. 

Abandonment triggers such belief, as the sudden loss of the lover is embodied by our whole being without questioning it. All one sees is the current reality; a sad reality that has never been neither real, nor true. The truth is that everyone is more than enough, and while there might be differences between every person, how we can achieve or are capable of, everyone is deserving of love. To speak of someone or to someone with such disdain and condescension is an old paradigm used by people who don't feel enough, and whom might have never had anyone celebrating their qualities and natural talents. 

The runner is no different to anyone else. However high is the opinion they have of themselves, they also live under the I'm-not-good-enough paradigm, which extends to fear of love, abandonment and intimacy. It's a complex and explosive cocktail of emotions to live with that most people find difficult, if not impossible to cope with. To understand why the runner abandons the relationship while it might be obvious that they're still in love and for no apparent reason, it's important to realise that their own demons are running wild through the dark chambers of the soul, and that you, as their lover or twin flame are a constant reminder of what they're experiencing through emotions. 

What doesn't make sense to you, it does to them. How they rationalise it and how willing they are to face these demons might determine whether they stay or they go. Love is not always enough, if in the company of demons and fears, the feeling they experience is the weakening of their vital energy and sense of self. In order to reconnect with who we really are, it's unavoidable to go through dark periods, moments of depression, anxiety and even fear. During these stages it's impossible to feel that one is good enough, and the runner doesn't want anyone to witness it. The runner considers themselves independent, adventurous and courageous. To kneel before fear is neither how they see themselves, nor how they want others to see or remember them.  There's nothing more daunting in a relationship than to know that our partner sees that we no longer belief, nor feel that we're not good enough. Confusing vulnerability with weakness increase such belief.

The twin flame relationship intensifies every feeling. At this point, the runner has two options: to establish a dialogue with their lover in order to find support and rely on the truth that love heals everything, or to convince themselves of the lie that they can only regain a sense of self by themselves. Running away from the relationship doesn't only breaks your heart, it breaks theirs too, but they'd never admit to it or allow you to see it.

The difficulty in establishing the basis for a new dialogue lies in two main facts: first; that one has to present every fear and demon they've experienced, as well as the repercussions that had in their life and relationships. And two; the emotional turmoil may cause them to return to old excuses, validating them as impossible obstacles to overcome. 

The purpose of this dialogue is to start a life changing narrative that allows any individual to live to their full potential by exploring their authenticity. No one can reach that point without truth. 

The runner doesn't begin a relationship so they can end it, although they are well guarded and in a permanent state of alert. The runner wants to stay, attracted by the magic and dynamics of the relationship. While they find themselves wandering once again through the dark chambers of the soul facing every demon and fear, they're also intimately attracted by the intensity of love in this particular relationship. 

The runner stays once they realise that in the continuous search for love they have to pause and see that the safety and security they're seeking can be found now and here and with this lover; that escaping is to escape from the self, from love and everything they're looking for. 

While taking the decision to end a relationship and run away gives them a false sense of power, not allowing the other lover to find closure, they make themselves weaker with every ending. Not understanding the paradox one doesn't realise that what we do to others we do to ourselves, and that this false sense of power is only an illusion. The runner is actually giving up on you, on love and on themselves at the first sight of fear, and their inability to face it, not knowing that fear is simply a lie and not that scary after all. 

They will be afraid of a codependent relationship. In most cases they provoke and enhance this codependency with their constant rhetoric of independence and their ease to abandon any relationship. There's a great deal of arrogance in this statement, an inflated self-mythology and a confidence that vanishes in the air as no one is witnessing it. Such statements only serve to create a codependency in their lover, as it is with fear that they get the attention and love they crave. 

The runner has to realise and understand that at some point they have to stop running and face their fears. To admit that what they fear most is being abandoned and being hurt, and see the it's love is not what hurts, but their resistance to love another and to allow themselves to be loved. It's the only way to reach the emotional maturity that in time allows love to flow. Love requires a lot of courage.

Through life experience, the runner already knows that the same issues are presented in every relationship they establish, and that at one point it's a good idea to pause and reflect on why these issues keep appearing. When asking such question, it doesn't take too long before the runner realises that they drag the same issues from relationship to relationship and that every in new relationship it gets worse, as they have multiple ways in which to introduce them, as well as cleverly blame their vulnerability on their partners. It's also important to realise that blame cannot be part of the equation, and that taking responsibility for their feelings and emotions is the only way to love; that it's OK to admit that on is afraid. 

It's only when the runner finds the courage to appear most most vulnerable in front of their lover that they can see what they're looking for, love, friendship, companionship, and surprise, surprise! someone who truly listens, to then realise that if no one listened or understood before, it was only because it was safer to run than to speak up.  

Finding the courage to face fear of love will certainly give the impression at first that one is being destroyed, by either love or their partners. It's only with patience that we see the old paradigm die, so as to open space for the new person we become. Every personal rebirth comes after a small death. Better to face it when someone is a loving relationship with someone who listens and understands than to go through it alone. But, of course, this is always a personal choice. 

It's not about feeling right, but the desire to make it feel right. No one can feel right while they're still running. It's exhausting!

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Related articles:

Running Away From Relationships: What Happened Next.

The problem with running away from relationships: shadow work.

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