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Love Is Not a Plan B.


People begin romantic relationships for numerous reasons. Often, such reasons have nothing to do with love or with falling in love. There's no spark, no substance to it. Sometimes the emotion that urges someone to commit is loneliness. Some others are attracted by safety, while there are those that having lost belief in meeting the right person, they choose to settle for someone else that they would have never chosen in the first place. Despair, sadness or having experienced rejection from someone they truly love take people to relationships that could be considered of convenience. It's convenient to be with someone, rather than being alone. At the beginning, even lust may be considered a good reason, even though it has nothing to do with love. There are more reasons than the ones already mentioned, such as low self-esteem or physical appearance.

Everyone is deserving of love. There are of course people that with their actions and choice of life style make love or relationships an impossibility. This article is not about them. Too often the actions of people are affected by negative experiences of the past, leading them through loveless behaviour to a loveless life, making it almost impossible to either love or be loved. Fear of love is expressed in many ways. It's easier to be feared, than to allow ourselves to love. It's also a defense mechanism so as not to be hurt. Everyone wants to be loved. Whether we know how to ask for love, or we're ready to receive it, it's a different matter. 

Unrequited love can be one of the greatest disappointments in someone's life. There might have been a relationship or not. It is human condition to cry more for our defeats than to celebrate our victories. Somehow, when love is not mutual the imprint that the experience leaves in someone's being is enough to set a new belief: that they don't deserve love or they can't get what they want. Nothing farther from the truth. 

A negative love experience most certainly opens a wound. It is up to each individual to heal it with love, or to feed it with a loveless life. What we call falling in love is nothing but an energy that everyone holds within and that reemerges and flows abundantly in the company of someone else. This energy is always there. It's who we are. What prevents a person from living in a constant state of being in love is the infamous, as well as erroneous belief that we need someone else to be complete. However magic and wonderful the experience of being in love with another may be, one can reach that point on their own. 

Love is and always should be a plan A. The world is full of wonderful people ready to be loved, people who are compatible with you and that could be even a better match than the lover who left or the one that never got to love us. One disappointment does neither condition, nor writes the fate of one's love life. There's always love after love. It's always there. Sometimes not beginning or ending a relationship could be more a blessing than not. For as long as you're alive, there's always another day to live, another romance to experience, another spark waiting ahead to set the house on fire. 

Attachment to another person has more to do with ego or pride than with love. You're still the same person, more experienced. It's a good idea to take stock of the relationship to see what your contribution has been. When the attention is focused on the good memories rather than the sense of loss, this exercise can only bring positive aspects of the self, as well as helping to build confidence and self-esteem. 

Being single is the perfect time to take care of yourself and grow, and in patience to cultivate a new you, more attractive and magnetic. Seeking love actively is not just going out on dates and meeting possible suitors, it's something that we can do every day while we are alone. There are so many wonderful things one can treat themselves to while alone in order to grow through self-love. The time to believe in love is: always. 

Do not settle for plan B. Do not settle for someone you would have not considered in the first instance while your heart was open to someone else. Love is not a consolation prize, and neither are people. It might keep us contented and good company for a period of time, but it would never be enough while still having someone else in mind and heart. It also leads to keep looking for love, to find someone better than the current partner. People do hurt as a consequence of such selfish and mindless actions. 

In fact, do not settle for anything other than what you want. Follow your dream with your heart, feel each passionate beat reaching for those things you want.

It could also put someone in a position where having started a relationship with someone might prevent the relationship they desire with someone else they meet along the way. More lost opportunities and possibilities to regret. Thus, life fills with one more "what if!" More ghost to dream of because they were never free at the time they met someone suitable; someone with whom you'll be happy and fulfilled.

Love is patient, and in patience love grows. What we do during this time of patience determines what comes next. There are no substitutes for the lovers that went away. Choose yourself during the periods that you are single. Make yourself a priority. Lead a conscious life. Love will come next. Wait for that man or that woman who lights the spark once again. Love is always in the air. It's only that we might have forgotten to breathe.