When Family or Friends Sabotage Your Life Purpose.
Family and friends are the hardest people to please for obvious reasons. In their minds, and sometimes in their hearts, -not always- they've created high expectations for you to accomplish that might be hard or impossible to meet. The majority of people want safety and abundance for their loved ones, but this is not always the case. For this reason, the pressure that they can put on others can be overwhelming, as well as having devastating consequences on them. In order to force such goals, whether consciously or not, they'll resort to psychological manipulation. Guilt, shame or blame being the most common tools. The urge to control someone might go as far as physical abuse. This phenomena is common among the spiritual community, but it's by no means exclusive to it. Someone might decide to pursue a career as healer or coach using their training and natural gifts, but they might also choose to become dancers, actors or simply travel the world, professions that not always provide a financial or physical safety net.
Too often, family and friends interfere with someone's life purpose for several reasons, but the two that link them all are: fears of lack or scarcity and the inability to examine one's own emotions. If we all were capable of facing and processing our own demons and emotions, everyone would mind their own business without interfering in the lives of others.
A life mission can be clear from an early age or present itself in later years. The call has always been within. Whether someone remembers from the beginning or they experience a sudden awakening, this person has most likely gone through hard times to express and consolidate their identity from the moment of birth. Throughout, we'll meet, both, friends that support or won't truly understand our call. Not only this, they'll make a point of letting us know. Remaining true to the calling might be harder than one might wish. Whatever the reasons are, everything is an illusion.
Everyone has a call, a life mission.
Every day more and more people are awakening to the reality that this world is in need of more creative expression and new solutions that separate from the obsolete patriarchal agenda from both, the individual and the collective, as well as deeper connection with spirituality. When someone feels the call and follows accordingly, their inner compass would take them to separate and challenge the norm. Life can turn into a daily battle to remain true to their core. If you're not challenging the status quo, you're might not be connected to your life mission.
Understand spirituality as self-knowledge, the awareness of someone's passions, desires, beliefs and motives. No candles, nor incense required.
The first challenges appear when children express a different language and vision that blatantly defies the status quo, usually embodied by parents. The vision and language of a child is usually connected to universal wisdom. Almost every child is born with such gift and connection. Children speak with love of the invisible. It's natural in parents to react alarmingly and as they're the first ones to deny the child's truth, they also create doubt. As there's no scientific evidence, nor a physical representation, the first reaction is to suppress a truth that no one, but the child can see or perceive.
Most parents forgot they once were children.
In response the child tends to withdraw and seek refuge in silence. Not to speak their truth doesn't mean that they child conforms. Silence is the space in which the child analyses challenges, devising new forms of expression to put their word across. When a voice is suppressed, language and expression turns into action. The more one is suppressed, the more expansive and explosive this expression will be. Too soon and too often, these people are called the black sheep. Parents and families are also too quick to tag the child in a futile attempt to control and manipulate them.
Tagging someone as a the black sheep is an obvious sign of neglect. Energies can be redirected, but first a parent must listen to and hear what their children want.
One of the saddest truths that devastate the world is the suppression of a child's voice in the name of love until they become and feel invisible. Undoubtedly most parents do their best to raise their children with what they know. Unfortunately most parents struggle to free their children from the moment of birth, claiming them as a possession, and in turn attempting to live their lives through their children. From this moment on, the child's life is no longer about them, but about what their parents want, never about what the child wants. The consequences of such upbringing vary according to individual. However, there are several that can clearly mark the course in someone's life.
Loneliness can be experienced even before birth. In most cases, parents and relatives already have plans for a child before they're born without knowing who's going to turn up. A child hears in the womb. Parents and adults in general do not consider children people, but inexperienced lesser beings. The arrogance of the adult is to consider themselves experts on life. Arrogance has neither love nor freedom, and without both, life feels less of a life. As a result, adults talk about children and others as if there were not present, usually creating doubts and fear; a sign of true disconnection, as well as of self-importance. The fact that people in general miss, is that children are born with love and freedom. Besides practical matters, there's nothing we can teach children, and there's a lot that adults could learn from them.
Loneliness comes from not being heard, not being acknowledged and not being seen. In the name of love and life experience, adults suppress children with worldly, mundane wisdom, trying to teach what they know and what they don't know. It's rare for a parent to admit that they don't know better; that they're still looking for answers.
From here on, an individual feels misunderstood, withdrawing deeper into silence, while at the same time they could be the loudest. The main reason people talk so much, even too much is because they've never been heard, nor understood. Pay attention to the silent people, for in their silence they learn to understand themselves, as well as preserving the innate connection to universal love and wisdom.
Time and again.
There will be at least one person in the family heavily invested in creating a cloud of neurosis about someone who's relentlessly following their life mission. The reasons are numerous, but the intention is always the same. For this purpose, they create and spread lies that other people believe without questioning. Even when others are aware of the lie, as time always honours truth, the damage has already being done. The attacks will continue happening throughout life in the same form of manipulation. Character assassination is a narcissist's favourite way to create neurosis, so as to weaken and control others.
This article on sabotaging relationships offers guidance on this subject.
The good news on your high calling.
A high call is an unstoppable force that cannot be defeated by lies, nor manipulation. There is a point in life in which a person has to recognise that as a child, one might have felt undermined, ridiculed, punished, suppressed or silenced in the most abject ways, but that the moment to embrace one's true calling by embodying the true self is a personal choice. You don't need permission from anyone to be yourself or to do what you're here to do. The demons of childhood are not as scary as they used to be, when looked at from the emotional maturity of an adult, and with the eyes of the child.
One of the obstacles to overcome is that when someone lives with the feeling that they don't have control over their lives since childhood, they might continue identifying themselves as a victim, but not being aware of it. The more someone talks about how we've been treated in the past, the less energy and time is dedicated to personal growth or their inner call. It keeps the veil of illusion opaque and standing between the truth and the lie.
Keep your high calling humble. Having been gifted with talents or with other attributes that other might not have, but that undoubtedly if put to the service of others, would benefit you and the world, are meant to complement and support the collective. Without the assistance of others throughout, even those who might have mistreated you, you wouldn't be here ready to make a difference. At some point, you will also have to find the courage to ask for forgiveness to the people you've wrong, as well as to forgive yourself. That will keep you humble. That, and to remember that everyone has a life purpose. One is not more important than the other. If the collective is failing to find healthy solutions is due to the fact that individuals are too absorbed looking at our own reflections in the water.
There's a time in which parents, friends and family realise that they might have been mistaken. Truth cannot be hidden forever. Shame and guilt inevitably falls upon them. It's a crucial moment in which someone takes responsibility for their actions, or continue with the drama and manipulation. Accepting truth is a difficult step for most people, as it means that they might have been making the same mistake for years. Again, the inability to process emotions makes it easier to continue blaming someone else, refusing to take any responsibility. Some people can't just admit that they're wrong.
An apology cannot forced. People need to gather the courage to do so, and that takes time; sometimes a lifetime. A life mission can be accomplished without that apology.
They might appear confident in their comfort zone, constantly throwing harmful arrows at the self-esteem of others, but deep within, they suffer the most. Energetically, avoiding truth is one of the most violent stances one can adopt, as such negative energies keep accumulating within their body. An irate attack on someone might give the impression of relief, but this is a momentary illusion. Fear grows within, further separating that person from their core.
As these attacks come from loved ones, the lie and defamation hurts. We don't embrace truth for the sake of others, but to increase the sense of personal freedom and love. Family and friends time and again, despite arguments and endless disputes seeking the truth tend to move in the opposite direction in a futile attempt to confirm and validate their truths about others.
A way out.
At some point we have to free ourselves from the web of lies, which ironically we keep validating with actions, believing and adopting the limitations that have been imposed on us. The repetition of a lie turns into the noise of the world. The longer and harder we try to fight it, the louder we hear it from others. From then on, we keep meeting mirrors that reflect our insecurities. There are too many people out there thriving on the belief that in order to feel powerful they must put others down, and they won't have any problem in perpetuating such lies. But only a fool would believe their own lies.
While it's good to release energies and frustrations talking to others, the common mistake most people make is to try to be heard or acknowledged by the people who inflicted the pain in the first place. This might never happen. Recently I published a blog post on listening to others in order to assist them in their healing, with didn't get much response from the public, which in turn shows that the world is in much need to talk, but listening is something that others do.
The answer to this is simple in principle, but one of utmost difficulty in practice. It begins with the way we talk to ourselves. Inner conversations that no one listens to, but ourselves, repeating again and again what we couldn't when we had the opportunity, only creates more discomfort, strengthening the web of lies. At this point, we're the ones nurturing and feeding such energy. We have to be careful with the words, thoughts and ideas we create, especially during inner conversations, as we are emitting, but are also the only receivers. It's a vicious circle.
It's important to change the language we use. This is also a simple process, but too long to detail in this article. Language creates spells.
Everyone knows their own truth. Do more of that. Do not fall in the trap of trying to prove everyone else wrong, to show them who you are once you're successful. You'll never be successful with this frame of mind, as it comes from resentment and possibly a deep desire for revenge.
Focus your energy, time and efforts on doing more of who you are, to improve yourself, and dedicate your life to what you're really good at. If you're a writer, write; if a dancer, dance. Do everything and whatever it takes that makes you come alive and experience a sense of personal freedom without the oppression of what you've been told. What matters is what you say about yourself. There's no better way to speak up than actions. Dance, write, laugh, play free from limitations imposed by the past.
Expansion only takes one step further, one step that you've most likely have not yet allowed yourself to give because you're still functioning under the premise that you need the permission of those who tormented you.
If in need to talk about your trauma, seek expert support. A friend, provided that they know how to listen would suffice, but when trauma is deep, hiring a professional might be more appropriate for best results. In my therapeutic practice with clients I find that listening is one of the most powerful tools for healing, as they already have the answers, but often they're not aware of it. Pointing out to them brings wonderful realisations, release of energies and relief. Listening allows to understand and interpret what the speaker might not be able to hear.
If the conversation continues being the same and constantly coming from the same source, at one point one must consider to cut off the relationship, whether this is with parents, family or friends. Often the most powerful voice is distance, silence and absence. When the target is out of reach, these people don't know what to do with themselves. Let them throw character assassinations from the narcissistic pedestals and curse at their TV sets. Let them curse, but do not forget that they probably did and gave you their best, and that even though they might be following the same patterns and habits, everything they're doing is a call for love.
Your path is everything that serves your purpose. Anything that doesn't serve this purpose also deserves the same treatment, a loving and kind farewell. The answers to your life mission are in that book you've never written, those tables you never built, that class you never took. Everything else is the noise of the world. Who are you listening to?
You're one leap of faith away from everything you want. We either invest in ourselves or keep contributing to the unhealthy ways of the world. A life purpose is more powerful when supported and driven by love. This you already know. These are just words that may serve as guidance, but what's really important is that you listen to yourself and follow your heart.
The book 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon.
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