Calling In The One: In The Quest Of Love.
I've taken the license to use the title of the book, 'Calling in the one', even though I never read it, as I believe this is the purpose and what most people are looking for, "the one", "the soul mate", "the twin flame." Calling in the one sums up the journey in search of love to find someone to share it with. It is a book which has been recommended several times, by friends I trust, but as I like to follow my intuition in my journey and create my own experience I never felt inclined to do so. I have learned more about the soul reading Dostoevsky and hundreds of other books that I ever learned from spiritual texts. The reason for this is simple: when someone is looking, any book, any experience, any person is a teacher and the soul can be found everywhere. It's only a matter of looking for it and paying attention. The impression I get from title of the book is that is one to follow, although I cannot comment on its contents.
'In The Quest of Love' is however a book I read and which I can recommend to anyone needing to clear the remnants of any past relationships. Before beginning a relationship with anyone, all energetic ties must be cut. It is not only a great read, but also healing, and one which will clear your mind and put it at rest. We have to let go before we find love.
Everyone is born with a memory of who we are, what we are here for and the people we are going to meet throughout life, including that special person who will eventually make a difference to our lives; The One. He or she are out there, also looking for you. Why we don't find them is a very different matter. At a very early age we forget. We get distracted by the social construct and make a way of living of far too many things that are of no importance to the soul. While this is the way society has developed and no one can be blamed for falling into the trap, every day more people are waking up to the idea that there is more to life than what we experience, and the fact that true love is possible.
If you look back to your childhood, you will remember a dream, and the essence of that person you are looking for. What happened between then and now must have certainly led you stray from your purpose. There is not one way to find the one. Everyone is on a different journey and a formula that suits all does not work. There are however steps we can take, situations we can avoid and a few things to learn along the way. When it comes to finding love, in order of importance, self-love is the first one. No one will be able to love us completely until we learn to accept love first. If we lack self-love, no amount of love coming from others would suffice. We will continue feeling unloved.
The first mistake we make is, that as we fall out of love in childhood and feeling unloved for years, we rush to find love in others at the first occasion we have. There's nothing wrong with this, we have to experience life, make mistakes and learn. And the reason why this is not wrong is because our intentions to find love are always good and we want to believe this is love, and perhaps it is for a while, even forever. Lack of love and loneliness come together, evoking a feeling that we are not enough and we don't deserve love. This effect of which most of us are not aware of, conditions the beginning of most relationships. I could give many details, but in essence what happens is that we settle, if not for the first one to come, for others with whom we know there's no possibility of a long term relationship. Somehow society has created a collective psychosis in which if we are not in a relationship or married at a certain age there is something wrong with us. There is nothing wrong with being single. In fact it is and it should be understood as a very healthy state to be.
Being single is a key element in finding the one. Patience, trust and belief. First we have to learn to be alone and enjoy and learn to love the experience. Being alone while still being social. Settling due to social conditioning is not what the soul wants. During this period we must also learn self-love. Think of the areas in which you might be lacking self-love. I will dedicate an entire text to learning self-love, but for now, look at the way you live, diet, exercise, the place you live in; do you drink, eat excessively? There you have a few questions and you know all the answers. All answers lie within.
The reason being clear of all attachment is essential to preserve our purpose, as well as making a statement to ourselves and the world, is to let the feeling within grow firmly: I will not settle for anything else than what I want. In order to get the big yes, we have to say no many times. Beginning a relationship with someone while still looking around to see who else is out there, it's rather insulting to the self, to others and to the soul. It also prevents us from moving freely and even from meeting the person we truly want to find and love.
It is a fact that most people seem to take for granted that 'the one' is going to come by divine decree. Let's not confuse our need to be loved, with love. To find love we have to love first. It is possible that when you find a person you really want to be with, your romantic past is so entangled and destructive that at the time you meet them they will react negatively to the energy you are carrying and reject the possibility of a relationship. You might not see or feel this energy, but it is there and it can be felt by others.
Being with someone we don't really want to be is a sign of lack of self-love. Why would we expect someone to come and love us if we can't love ourselves? We shouldn't and we cannot. We must be free from all these energies and ties, and the best way to do so is not to create them in the first place. Thinking that we can be with someone for a while until the dreamed person appears is not only insulting, but it does not work. Somehow this is living a lie which could never be a foundation for love. I am going to try and see what happens, does not work either. You know it and I know it. Let's not allow loneliness to determine who we decide to be with. Love is a decision we make with the heart, not with our heads. Convenience is not convenient at all.
Finding love is a journey, an adventure. Society has lost somehow the sense of adventure. Historically we were nomads moving from place to place. This way of living disappeared as we settled for a more sedentary life and while in recent times globalisation permits travelling and moving more often, there are still too many restrictions to enter other countries, finding jobs, etc. True seekers have never stopped at these barriers and moved from here to there until they find what they are looking for, as they will never settle for any less. And this of course also comes with social stigmas, as they do not accept the norm.
Let's not take the adventure too literally. Love can be found anywhere and perhaps the man or woman you long for is living only two blocks from you, but we won't find them unless we choose freedom and self-love. Before we decide to settle for something-that-might-do-the-job, -because anything is better than nothing-, there is something very important to consider. The soul wants to go on an adventure of self-discovery and it is not afraid to do it alone. When we settle for what or who comes next due to feelings and beliefs we hold that keep us down and incomplete, we are renouncing to the dream and the possibility of true love. And renouncing to the soul, we renounce to love, to life and to everything that we really are. And yet, the wanderer is a very attractive figure as it carries along the essence of freedom.
To find ourselves we only have to go within. To find one true love sometimes we have to move. People move to different cities and countries for professional reasons, so there is no reason why one should not do the same to find love. However, love is something we can find anywhere. Love is everywhere when we know how to see it. Love is the strongest energy there is and when we find it within it turns into the most powerful magnet. Love is what has created all of us. Even in the fiercest expression of lust, there's a soul wanting to love and be loved. And when we find love, there's no rush, no need, no expectations. In love, we can love one and we can love all. In love we recognise the beauty in everyone.
Call in the one with an open heart while you lead a life that's free from emotional attachments to what it might have been or what it could be like. Accept what is, let go of what was and learn to be alone. It's only when we believe and we trust that the possibility presents itself. If you are alone now, it's because you have to learn to be alone. Use this time to learn self-love, to improve yourself. Settling for something or someone we do not truly want sends a message to the universe that we have resigned ourselves to a life of mediocrity. This is not really who you are. We want love, because it is a true adventure. And don't forget the most important, he or she are also out there looking for you, so why wouldn't you go and meet them? The universe is listening. What's your message?
Posted by Manel Blanco