L'enfant Terrible: The Relationship Of The Inner Child With Its Adult And The World. A Story of Love And Hate.
When I decided to write a blog post about the role children on the transformation of society this week, I already knew what kind of reception it would have by the audience; minimal in comparison to other writings. While having an audience is important to maintain a successful blog, and so far all of you have been wonderful and so kind, I do not write to gain an audience, but to share a message. I write to give you the tools to transform your lives into extraordinary adventures. But there is more and I will get to it as I go along.
Writing is both simple and a complex process. In order to write I must go through the experience, which means that everything I write about is part of my life. In order to write some blogs I also have to recreate the energies that are necessary. Everything happens for a reason and when we know how to interpret the signs, life is a wonderful place to be. Writing about children and seeing the signs of neglect that children suffer day after day by loving parents who are just unaware makes my blood boil and consequently recreated the energy of the inner child. This is OK as it is not personal and there's no emotion directed at anyone.
This is not the energy of my inner child, but the energy of the collective. A very aggressive energy. I am not afraid to experience such energy, as I am not afraid to absorb the pain and heartbreak of a little girl who has been sexually abused. I am a firm believer in healing through feeling and I am the first one to experience it. It makes the writing cathartic and automatic. I sit down to write and words flow without thought. This is the result, and this is the inner child for all of you. A child who has been ignored for too long and today wants to be seen with love and self love. L'enfant Terrible.
The writing about children was connected to the one that followed on trust and links to this one. The general perception of the inner child is negative and one we fear. This is where we go wrong. The story of the inner child is epic and touching. This is a child who fights for the survival of the soul and whom shaped by situations of fear creates a character strong enough to face the madness of the world. The problem the inner child faces while growing up is that once they have been created they remain forgotten. As we grow up, in an attempt to run away from bad situations we refuse to look back at this child. By the time we enter puberty, we want nothing to do with childhood. Puberty is such a confusing time for most of us that as we become adults and take on the responsibilities that come with age, the inner child remains buried and ignored.
The inner child, with all its strength and flaws is a child, a character that doesn't evolve. It remains intact and strong guarding our most treasured possession, the soul. They are the keepers of knowledge and wisdom. The effect that the inner child as a guardian has by maintain this role is double. It keeps the soul protected, but at the same time it prevents the soul from running free and explore life. Small glimpses of our authentic self can be seen on those rare occasions when the inner child feels comfortable, but they will appear most fierce at the first sign of threat and close down completely.
For so long we have been forced to look at the outside and to learn ways in which to function in the world, that looking within is not an option. Hence, when we put all those children together we create a society and a world short in love and consciousness. The fact we are more unaware of, is that the inner child remains alive, but this is now a child who forgot to love and runs on a different energy. As a child separates from love, he or she would find a new source of energy to face a world so aggressive that does not provide for the needs of the soul. The deeper the trauma, the more aggressive the soul would be. A child that has to face physical violence repeatedly from a very early age would run on hate. At this stage fear is already buried within the body. Neither fear nor hate would be noticed and might be masked by a milder feeling such as anger. The child stereotyped as an angry child is in reality hateful. And they are here seeking revenge. Against others and against the self.
In its limited understanding of the world, the inner child creates a mythological figure intended for physical survival. It is very important to remember that even though fuelled by hate, this child will not recognise this emotion. He or she could offer the most beautiful expression to the world, but do not get them on the wrong foot because the reaction will be explosive. When the inner child explodes as an adult, they will stop at nothing to repel the attack. This is a situation everyone regrets, including themselves, as the effects of hate energy will take over. It might take a few days for them to recover from this experience. Hate is very expansive outwards, but also moves inwards with the same intensity. Shame appears and the child and adult disappear for days to come.
I am using hate as an example. Everyone is different and everyone functions on a particular emotion. Take your pick, fear, anger, hate, shame, etc.
When considering the beautiful expression of a person even when clearly under the control of the inner child, there are two examples that come to mind. In one of his novels Dostoevsky wrote, "I am someone who always wants to do evil, but I always end doing good." I believe that one of the reasons Dostoevsky created such wonderful portrays of society is because he built the depth of his characters from the complexity of the inner child. As the great writer and observer he was, his writing portrays the ambivalence between a repressed soul, an angry child and a lost and aimless adult who has lost touch with the inner self. A lonely, wild child that keeps fighting everything and everyone until they get what they want; love, only that by their actions instead of finding love, they continue separating from love.
Beethoven is another example and one with whom I feel very identified. One of the things I learned from Claudio Naranjo, a man for whom I feel great respect and admiration, is the importance of music in the spiritual journey and personal transformation. Claudio believes that Beethoven's music is a cry for love and attention, "Look At Me Father!" It is a well known fact that Beethoven was the victim of violence at the hands of his father and grew to be an angry and solitary man. Personally, I see a similitude in the music of Tchaikovsky, Chopin and Rachmaninoff; all great composers with one element in common, a beautiful, expressive and expansive anger. I have seen and heard from children to express fear at the music of Chopin to give an example, while feeling calm at the sound of Bach.
As the inner child is an unpleasant reality to deal with, our attitude towards them is avoidance, separation and denial. As adults we don't want to be associated with that child any longer. This is a child who suffered in one way or another. Each of us has a different story to tell. For as long as we continue ignoring the inner child, this child is going to direct our lives in a constant tantrum, because this is what we have become, children trapped in adults bodies who have lost self-love and self-respect. What the ego considers love and respect is only a way of expressing that we are right and making the right decisions. Avoiding to reconnect with the inner child does not necessarily has to be a conscious action and we might not be aware of it.
Most of the acts which express a lack of self-love and self-neglect are not obvious. The construct of society plays an important part in the process. Most children struggle and even refuse to be introduced to an animal product diet, but we are forced to eat it nevertheless, even though is not the natural way. A child wouldn't smoke, drink or run wild on lust and drugs having meaningless sex. All these actions that we take for granted and understand as the natural adult way to behave are symptoms of a personal decadence as well as collective.
It is no wonder that the children of today remain invisible, as they remind us of the truth and love we lost. If we can't love ourselves, we can't really talk to anyone else. The way children are treated, unheard, unseen and neglected by society as a whole is a clear representation of personal and collective shame. For as long as we are children running around on a tantrum, we, as a society can never parent our children. Let's remember this the next time we go on an infantile rampage and break the first thing we have at hand or the person who's closer to us.
The inner child is one that needs and wants to be loved. There are numerous exercises to reconnect with the inner child. If is possible to reconnect at any time we want, but this is of course a painful exercise which is going to stir up emotions we have spent a lifetime running away from. One of the uncomfortable situations we are going to face when reconnecting with the inner child is rejection. As we meet the inner child for the first time, their initial reaction is going to be of caution. Why should they trust someone who don't trust themselves and lack in self-love and self-respect? Most likely they will hide or run away. It is also possible that the inner child is open from the first moment of contact. Women will find it easier to reconnect with their inner child men. Women are more in touch with the soul. It's as simple as that.
It takes time and dedication to reconnect with the inner child. This is not one conversation today and the next in three years time when we decide we had enough of our life as it is. It requires dedication and practice, a constant communication. If we don't talk to our deeper selves, how are we ever going to be able to connect with anyone else? The first reason why we want to talk to the inner child is to make them feel comfortable and safe; to end with years of silence, neglect and loneliness. Our words have to be followed by actions. We can pretend all we want that we can lie to anyone, but we can't lie to ourselves. I cannot have a conversation with my inner child, tell him he is safe with me and once I'm finished go to the pub, get drunk and make myself unconscious. Does this ring the bell? We have to make our lives safe, take responsibility and be true to our purest desires of love and freedom.
The inner child wants love and understanding, like every other soul alive. They also want to go on an adventure, so the soul can explore love and freedom and the unknown, which means that we have to go on a journey and treat the child to the most beautiful experiences we can create. They want to remember how to play, how to have fun again, how to dance and above all how to love. The inner child is always here, wherever we are, and it is a journey we have to do together, set our intentions high, be true to our word and learn that the way to love is within, that once we reconnect we are given the first step towards self-love. And perhaps the most important fact of all in this inner journey is that the inner child has the answer to what went wrong and the key to the door of enlightenment. Enlightenment is not in the stars, it is within ourselves.
And this is how we move from fear to love. This is journey that never ends and in which we walk together, the inner child and I; the inner child and you. And once the connection with love is made, we can say. I Am Love. I Am In Love. This is really a story of love, hate only needs to remain for as long as we want to. And it is possible, very possible. Everything is possible.
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Posted by Manel Blanco