Remembering Self-Love: Week 3. Settling In.
The first two weeks of this series were entitled learning self-love. Today it changes to remembering self-love, as this is what we really want, to remember. This is also the time to begin settling in and begin to mark your territory so as to make your surroundings feel like home wherever you are. Home is and always should be anywhere you are at any time. When we don't feel comfortable in one place we are either in the wrong place or we do not feel comfortable within ourselves. The intention is to recognise the places we want to be in and those we don't. It applies especially to people. It is people who make places right or wrong. It does not mean that anyone is bad, just not the right people for us. A very good person can make make the worst choices and still won't be bad. The intentions in all our actions always come from a very good source. When things go wrong, the intention is masked behind the consequences. When we talk about people, let's not forget that we also belong to the same group. It is not them and me; it is we.
Set healthy boundaries: Setting boundaries is crucial to remember self-love. It is also one of the most difficult tasks. As our boundaries were trespassed at a very early age by our parents, siblings and everyone else who was close during childhood, we now find it very difficult to set a healthy distance with others. When we fail to set boundaries we take in too much from others and feel overwhelmed. By the time we want to resolve this, what usually happens is that we take drastic actions and we overreact to others. In most cases these reactions are targeted at the people who deserve it the least and those who love us most. The consequences that a lack of healthy boundaries have in our personal relationships can be catastrophic and very difficult to repair.
To set healthy boundaries we have to do so with love, but we also have to be firm. At this stage you want to decide what you want and what you don't want in your life. For this purpose you might want to write a list. Don't make it too long and don't expand too much on any point. The intention is that you feel what is good or bad for you. We do not want to over-analyse anything. We want to feel; hence if anyone is touching you inappropriately in any way, to give an example, write it down, see how you feel and you will know what has to go and what can stay. When we want to set boundaries with others, we must let them know kindly that their actions make us uncomfortable and that you would prefer if they didn't do or say that. At doing so, we also have to be firm, even if our voice is shaking, and feel what goes through our body at the time. Your life will change considerably for the better.
If or when you are in the mood for it, this is an exercise that can help you to set healthy boundaries. You must do this alone and in your own time for as long as you like and as often as you wish. Stand up in a room in which you feel comfortable. Touch every part of your body slowly and firmly. Feel the part of the body that you are touching. The essence of this exercise is to reconnect with your body and make it yours completely. It is your body and your temple. Make your body a sacred space. Touching your body will help you to feel it once again and perhaps for the very first time in a long period. Accept your body as it is now and make a contract with yourself that you are going to love it from now on. You are doing this alone. No one is watching, so improvise and be creative as you wish, and above all feel every action.
Also standing up once you finished the first part of this exercise, draw a circle around you by extending your arms. What you are doing here is setting an energetic field around that serves as your personal boundaries. However, you are not building a wall. It is important to differentiate between boundaries and building a wall which blocks anything or anyone. When we use our energy to block something coming from outside, we are also stopping ourselves from coming out, hence, blocking our personal expansion. A block is unhealthy either way. The purpose is to allow boundaries to grow stronger and organically. This is a practice. Be aware of this field and how people react to you from now on. You might have to rebuild it periodically until you find the perfect boundaries that work for you.
Be like a cat: This is the time you be and feel like your own boss. It is also time to be playful and creative. Take time for yourself. Initially you can do this alone, and as you feel more confident with it you can do it when in the company of others at home. Act like a cat. A cat doesn't obey to anyone. They come and go as they wish. You can purr, scratch your body, stretch and everything else cats do. Ignore the fact that you might not like cats. Feeling like one is not going to turn you into one. Be independent, strong, agile, elegant, comfortable in your own skin, relaxed, confident. Lift your head up and look at the world doing their own thing and rest it again. Be, just be and enjoy the moment.
When you learn to feel like a cat, you are also going to feel all those qualities that will take you to self-love. Purr your way to self-love, freedom and happiness. And have fun with it. It is important that you have fun in the process. Having fun is an act of self-love. And if you have to, feel free to take a nip when necessary.
If you missed the previous posts on self-love, these are the links: WEEK 1 and WEEK 2
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Posted by Manel Blanco